074. - Lesley Arfin

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Want to make a podcast? Spotify's got a platform that lets you make one super easily, then distribute it everywhere, and even earn money. We like that. All in one place for totally free. It's called Spotify for Podcasters. And here's how it works. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your cellular telephone or your computer. So no matter what your setup is like, you can start creating today. Then you can distribute your podcast to Spotify and everywhere else, those other places that podcasts are heard. Video podcasts are also available on Spotify. And when you want to take conversations with your fans to the next level, Q&As and polls are the best way to get them talking. With Spotify for podcasters, you can earn money in a variety of ways, including ads and... and podcast subscriptions. And best of all, it's totally free. Zero catch. We've been using it ever since we started How Long Gone. And ever since I discovered Spotify for Podcasters, I feel like having the option of turning off the Q&As and the polls on the user dashboard has really helped boost my creativity and take it to another level. I highly recommend giving it a try. Download the Spotify for Podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com slash podcasters to get started. Hey guys, Jason here. Just a quick disclaimer. This audio had a little bit of a connection problem when we recorded. There's a little bit of a glitch on some parts of our conversation. I'll do my best to clean it up, but I just wanted to give you a heads up so you don't feel like you're going crazy listening to this. Still a great episode. Leslie is a wonderful guest. She's really funny. So thank you for bearing with us. Good afternoon, Chris Black.

Yo, what's really good? Hey, just got home from a bike ride. Love to hear that, TJ. How was it? How far did we go, baby? I did about 25 today. A light 25. I'd love to hear that. The downside, though, my left leg, like right on the inside of my knee. Yes. Getting some soreness, getting a little pain there. What area is that called? It's very funny you mention that. I literally rushed from my acupuncturist on Beverly, you family, because of my ankle issues. Let me just recommend some acupuncture for you. It fixes all the nails. You family hooked it up is what you're saying. I went there when I had a terrible back problem. They treat a lot of celebrities and musicians, so I obviously felt right at home. Didn't Flea go there or someone? Yes, Flea. Also, no doubt, era Gwen Stefani. It's a hot spot, if you will. Winnie hooked me up, and now I got these cool patches from China that smell funny. Very cool. But I would – honestly, dude, it's $85. It's so cheap. Well, I don't think I'm going to need to get – I mean, I'm down. That sounds cool. But I think this is just something that will go away after a couple days. Well, you got to hit it with the gun. You know what I'm saying? Well, I hit it with a gun and I hit it with some weed sport. And I'm sure in – That'll work. By the time tomorrow rolls around, we'll be back in the south. I mean, I was able to do a 25-mile bike ride with this pain, so it's not that bad. Well, the real question, TJ, is, you know, are you taking care of your body? Are you stretching? You know what I mean? I'm actually not doing as much active recovery as I really should be doing. My stretch game is weak. Yeah, we've heard about your games being weak, but I think that that is... Oh, no, like sex. Not sex ones. Chris, are you saying that my dick game is weak? But I do think that...

As we get older, since you're approaching your 50th birthday in just a few days, I think that taking care of your temple is of the utmost importance. You saw me limping around the tennis court yesterday. It's embarrassing. It's unsightly and unfortunate to have to behave like that. It's unbecoming as well, but you do be stretching is what you're saying. You're a stretch man? Well, Hunter, my trainer, leads me through a series of warm-ups. on a weekly basis. And he also texted me a nice series of, uh, foot and ankle workouts to do. Oh, Hunter, he's so helpful. So, so even though, even though Hunter guides you through these, these guided stretch meditations and all of that, you, you are still limping around like a, like an old, old person. Well, he told me today actually losing at the tennis against me. Who, who does no stretching is kind of the point I was trying to make. I know what point you're trying to make. Not bragging. I don't want that to come off as braggy at all. Hunter can't be with me everywhere, Jason. You know what I mean? Unfortunately, left to my own devices, I will overwork myself. And that's what he said today. He said this feels like just an overwork injury where you've just gone too hard, which is obviously the case. For someone like you who doesn't go very hard at all, I'm surprised you're getting injured. Right, you know, because I don't go nearly as dummy as Chris Black does. He leaves it all on the floor. Sometimes when he goes to pick up the ball, he can almost bend down all the way and get it. And I saw him jog a little bit yesterday instead of the normal kind of shoe-dragging walk that he does. Do not paint the picture to our listeners. One day I will be there on your level. I don't want anyone to think that you have a club foot just to let them know that you behave as if you did have one. Sure, yes, exactly. So you might have some type of psychosomatic club disease. I mean, if anybody's suffering from club disease, Jason, I think that would be you. Also, that sounds like a Charlie XCX record. Psychosomatic club disease, volume four. It does sound like that. Dude, so just to give you and our listeners an update, this Dutch.

guy thing has gone yeah sorry to team finland for there was no shade if if you uh were offended by that i just i just straight up got the country wrong so today the the same journalist who broke the story of this guy cribbing my vibe has now uncovered a a long list of tweets that He just copy and paste it in a different language. Yeah, so we talked about this yesterday or on the last episode, but there seems to be a doppelganger lurking in the forests of Copenhagen. This man has completely stolen Chris's entire valor and swag down to the exact pair of glasses that Chris wears. He's copying all of Chris's tweets and then reposting them in his native language. The most interesting, a very interesting deep twist. He named his agency the Dutch equivalent of world's best ever because I used to have that column on our friend Dave's website who also owns Weed Sport. So it's full circle today. Oh, I need to talk to Dave about this then. Yes, Dave can be brought in on this. So it's a very interesting, but I just don't, I'm sorry, I really. I feel bad for the guy, dude. I feel bad for the guy. Who cares? I don't know. Not only does he have the same glasses as you, which is whatever, that's fine. That's not fine. That's the only part that actually... You can steal my stupid tweets all you want. He's stealing his tweets, but he's trying to present this brand to him and the rest of his audience as if... You know, there's no point other than this is Chris Black and I'm taking Chris Black and I'm going to make a new life out of it. It's not just like a character or like a thing. It's like a whole life. Okay, this guy has a podcast and the description of the podcast is like very similar to the description of this podcast. He has a Tumblr where he posts all the same chicks that Chris Black posts on a daily basis.

All the Sienna Millers, the Lily Allens, the vintage Kate Mosses, pictures of the chair. It hits too hard, the chicks. It's a very specific mix of celebrity women that I talk about and prefer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't happen just coincidentally. The range that I have is – I mean it's shocking that someone would think they could rip that off and no one would notice. I mean who else can – My question is at what point do all of these like crazy, maybe pathetic or – you know, just kind of dark, sad things turn into, like, this is a catfish situation. This is, like, an identity crisis. This is some type of, you know, actual condition or disorder, you know? I mean, there's probably something to that. I also, you know, I was translating the stuff earlier, and it's basically, like, it's just been going on for so long and i don't it's not like i'm it's not like he found this shit like in the cut he's been swagger jacking for like two or three years years and i'm but i'm also like out here like it's not like it couldn't be uncovered is what i'm trying to say it's like i'm i'm a pretty public like this shit is on the internet you know what i mean yeah which is which is you know it's not strange that somebody would take some of your stuff and repurpose it you know, for people in his country of his following, it's, it's possible to, you know, obviously he's gotten away with it for years and you, you had no idea about this, but you know, you can only go so far. I stand firmly, you know, against cancel culture as we do on how long gone. So for this man's, for this man's livelihood to be taken away because he swag surfed me, a lowly blue check. I, you know, I can't. I can't really support that. I honestly can't. I'm like, dude, let this guy cook. Who cares? Are you only saying that because you are slightly afraid for your life? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I honestly, I honestly, it makes me feel so weird that people are like piling on. You know what I mean? It's not right. I mean, it's not like he's famous. It's like, what's the point? You know what I mean? It just, I don't, I think it, again, I think it's because he was writing stuff that was like,

very um like snooty and like a non-humorous way like telling people how to be like a copenhagener or whatever and yeah i think that opened his his door for attacks yeah yeah much like your persona you know if the type of person who well we've talked about that before you're you're more of a target for criticism if you're a person who is already an outspoken critical person it's true again with it's true If you're the type of person that just talks about how awesome everyone is, they're not really going to enjoy taking you down versus somebody who always has an opinion about something. And it's usually a negative one. I don't think that's fair. I think I'm equally as passionate about what I like and what I don't like. But people only want to focus on the negative. That's true. That's the real problem. Well, focusing on the negative is fun. That's why I like to do it. That's why I like to do it too. But in this case, I am calling for the end of the online abuse of Oliver N.E., if that's how you say his name. Well, hopefully he writes back to my email and agrees. Did you email him? Yeah, well. I, yesterday morning, I was like, you know what? I should email this guy and see, just to see what his deal is. Maybe hear his side of the story. Maybe he wants to come on the podcast. That'd be good content. And I went to his website, you know, his Twitter and Instagram and all that stuff. It was blocked or private. So I found his website that was still up, found his email, emailed him. And then like two hours later, I went back to the website to show my LP and he had taken his website down after that. So you could. Well, the other thing that he had done, the other thing that he had done that was so crazy was he had, he had like remade t-shirts that had made five years ago. I mean, like exactly, exactly remade. That's pretty insane actually. But again, who cares? It's like, I stole those pictures too, bro. We are stealing from the same place. I know.

But to me, it's just fascinating to get into the mind of somebody who has let something go this far. I want that catfish moment. Are we calling Max and Nev, or are we going to wait? Did you already bang their line? I mean, I planted the seed with Max, let him know that he might have to pull his 5D out of the case. Max doesn't use a 5D. Max uses a little handheld one. That's what's so cute. Yeah, he uses a little Sony guy. Him and his beautiful head of hair out there uncovering these little catfishies. We've got to get Max on this show. We do need Max on this show. I think I would love to hear. Because they replaced him. Neve replaced him with a bunch of bum-ass fake celebrities. So it's like, I'm team Max. Yeah, who did he have? Like, Tinashe or something? Bro, he's got like... T. Mills. Like that. Like truly like budget, like guys that we could do a better job than, but we don't have neck tattoos. Which is a little surprising. One would not be surprised if you had a neck tat, I think. I would go hands before neck. You know? The traditional job stopper, as you know. To put a pin in your doppelganger for now, or you're a catfisher, I contacted Soren, the journalist who exposed him. I want people to know that I've not heard any of this until right now. This entire thing that Jason's doing has been without my knowledge or consent. This is an independent investigation. How long gone investigates is what's happening right now. What did he say? He just wrote back saying, yeah, this is getting weird. Let me know if you hear anything. I want to know how it develops. It's a strange story. That's what he said. Wow, real fun guy. Well, he doesn't want to put all of his cards on the table at first, and I get that. Why would you want to divulge all your secrets to me? He's like TJ. He keeps it close to the motherfucking vest. He keeps it close to the vest.

Whereas my friend Oliver and I both just let it spray. And that's maybe the separation here. Maybe Soren and Oliver should start a podcast together. I mean, I hope so. I mean, at the very least, you know, we'll get some good content out of it. At the very best, you know, we'll be able to sell this to Netflix or something like that. At least, I mean. I want him to become like a Luca. What's his name? The guy who killed all those cats and the people? Oh, I didn't watch. I didn't see that. I want a situation like that. He's not going to kill any cats. He's just going to kill me. Okay. So, you know, besides my doppelganger. You're a pretty cool cat. And Jason. Besides my doppelganger and Jason's inner knee pain, we do have more important topics to discuss. We have a guest today. Kind of an OG in the game, Leslie Arfin, who was a very early Vice employee when it was still relevant. She wrote a great book called Dear Diary. She went on to create the show Love for Netflix, which I know all of you guys watched. And she also co-wrote and produced Betty, which I believe is on HBO. Anyway, so she's here. She's got a baby. She's in L.A. She's got a germs tattoo. I'm sure there's a lot of cool stuff for us to talk about. Just like Chris, a member of the New York indie media elite who has decided to uproot and move to Los Angeles. And it's a great topic that we continue to discuss on the show. I can't wait to talk to Leslie about that topic. Let's give her a call, Jason. Yes, yes, let us. Yo. Hi. What's up? How are you? I'm good. How are you? Sorry, I just missed your calls. I didn't have FaceTime on yet. It's okay. Chris, is there a fire behind you or is that just a Big Daddy incense? That's a Big Daddy incense. I just wanted to get the mood right in the room. You know what I mean? I'm very sensitive to smells, as you know. So for today's episode, I put on two cones instead of the usual one. What's your flavor?

We talked about this in the last show. It's a company from here called St. Rita Parlor, and they sent it to me, and I really like it. It's like a whiskey, water, tobacco, and rose combo. Oh, that sounds so nice. What is your preferred flavor? Of incense? Or just scents in general. Wait. I like freshly cut cantaloupe. Oh, my God. That's so weird. I literally was just eating that. Damn. Expand on that, sister. That's not my favorite scent. I have like – I like fig. Sure. I like – What do you wear? Oh, I wear this scent called 1111 from Lake and Sky. It's like an oil. I get compliments on it all the time, but I have to – look it up to see what's in it but like it's not here hold on i'll tell you i mean if you care what do you wear what are you wearing right now i'm wearing like sweat i mean i'm like disgusting okay i thought i thought your hoodie said ham i thought you're like a musky wintery What was that? I thought your hoodie said Hamptons, but it says Hampshire. Oh, no, it says Hampshire. Sorry, it says Hampshire. That's where I went to college. Very cool. We love having college graduates on this podcast. It's one of our kind of like tent poles that we try to. So thank you for getting out of the way up front. Oh, my God. Look, literally, how to cut a cantaloupe. Is cutting cantaloupe a thing that's difficult? No, I just wanted to make sure I was doing it right. It depends on if you want to get the skin off of it, Chris. Are you going to be slicing that? That's some pretty impressive knife work. But otherwise, no, it's not hard. No, it's not at all. I just wanted to make sure I was... Isn't it cool that we live in a time...

Well, we live in a time where if you want to know that, you can just Google it in five seconds. It's there. Our parents, our forefathers had to just slice into that bitch willy-nilly. Willy-nilly. There's no pit in that though, right? Oh, there's seeds. No, but there's seeds and you get to scoop them out and it's very satisfying. I got to be honest. I think cantaloupe tastes like flavored water a little bit to me. You're not eating the right cantaloupes. I prefer a honeydew to cantaloupe if we're going to talk melons. Did you get these melons from a local purveyor? From Gelson's supermarket? That's a local purveyor. That's a little bit of a, that's a flex. Yeah. I just, I just didn't know. You know what? I have to say like my kid. So I have to like feed a child. How old is the child? She'll be three in October. Okay. Almost three. So. I have to feed her, period. Or else you go to jail. You're absolutely right about that. You do have to feed your child. Okay, continue. And I hate cooking, and I'm not good at it. Same. But it's important for me that she eats healthy. So, you know, she eats a lot of fruit and vegetables and fruit. Melon is a lot of fruit for not a lot of money. Like, you just get a lot of that. It's a great value. It is. It's like you get a huge melon and it lasts for so long and she loves it. I'll pick up two sometimes. It's such a good deal. I get a nice pair of huge melons and I'm slicing them in. I have a question. Does your life partner be cooking though or does the whole family stay out of the kitchen? No, my husband does cook, but he's not like... Are you saying it's bad? You can say it's bad. No, no, no. It's really good. He's making me grilled cheese right now. That's good. He's not like a chef. He makes basic. He knows how to make basic. Sure. He knows how to use the grill. He's not like, I'm making a steak with sauteed mushrooms. He doesn't know how to saute anything. He's a cook, not a chef is what you're saying. Yes. Exactly. Which is respectable.

That is that's I mean, it's more than I can do. I don't you know, I don't even try to play with the culinary arts. It's something that is beyond my realm of understanding the stage of my life. You don't want this life, pussy. I don't want this life. I really don't. I don't either. It's so I mean, I've talked about this every single when I was doing a podcast, every single episode of my podcast, this would come up like I hate cooking. I don't care. To know more about it. It doesn't interest me. I wish that there was a food pill. Damn. I think we're soul sisters. I feel the same way about books. Wait. How come we can't see you? He chooses to. We normally don't do visual. But I can turn it on. Yeah. That's helpful. Isn't it nice to see him? Yeah. And look how much better. Look how much better his lighting is, too. Yeah, this is all natural, fellas and ladies. Yeah. I mean, I actually, your lighting, tell me your names. Jason, you're in the white t-shirt. I'm Chris. I'm Chris. Chris, your lighting's good. It's okay. It could be better. He's backlit a lot. It's a little backlit for me. It's a little dramatic. I prefer a more natural light from both sides, you know, if I was to choose. But you don't have... access to that well I have to you know in this in this room I have to I have to close the curtains for sound purposes you know because I'm trying to get the best quality because Jason so I don't do any of the audio visual work on this podcast I'm more the talent so Jason has to has to deal with my audio and he likes to give me feedback like it sounds like shit he's he's front of house and I'm back of house I'm the ugly troll fatty who has to do all the typing work Exactly. That's what I do in real life. Oh, you're a writer. Yeah. But wait, now, why did you stop doing the podcast? Because I noticed the podcast when we were researching your illustrious career, and I noticed it did stop in April. It stopped on 420, which that's a clue. It stopped exactly on 420. Don't play dumb with me.

I was like, we're in quarantine. I'm losing my mind. I don't fucking want to find people to talk to about their hobbies. I hate everything. I was just like, I was getting sick of doing it anyway a little bit. Were you making money or was this for fun? For fun. If I made money, I was not doing it for money. Did you have any help? Did you have a producer or anyone helping you? Yeah. Yeah, she was on a network. But you were only really making just coffee money. You weren't putting down payments on the crib. There were like five people who listened. Like I didn't have – what was the production company called again? It's called Earios, like Cheerios for your ears. And that is a question that I should be asking you, not the other way around. That's a terrible fucking name. I'd try to forget that too if I were you. I know. It's not a good name. You guys don't come from here. It was like for women, whatever. It was like the Glossier of podcast production. Not in a bad way. It was like the Glossier of podcast production. The Glossier of podcast production? Yeah. Like millennial typefaces and colors. I know. It's by women. It's for women of all sizes can listen to the podcast. That type of stuff. Yeah. You're saying Erios was not that. I'm saying Erios was that. You're saying Erios was that. Well, that's good. That is good. That's good. What's the hit on the network? I don't know. I just look on iTunes. I don't go to the network. I just go to iTunes, and I'm like, oh, there's like 45 likes. He wants to know if you're not the Jerry Seinfeld of Erios, then who might be? Is there a, you know, does, is there a celeb? This woman, Priyanka, this woman, Amanda. I was just like, fuck all these bitches. They're awesome. The whole reason why I did it was because I have an idea for a podcast and Amanda was, and she, her husband does podcasts a lot, a lot. And did one with my husband and we were on one episode. It was about Friday the 13th. So we were like guests of one episode.

And I was like, I have an idea for a podcast. And she was like, well, I'm starting a company. You should do it. And I was like, I'll do it. But like, I'm not like there's this is the pitch. Like I'm telling you now, like I'm not doing any extra work. Like if you want to do it, great. Otherwise, I'm out because it wasn't I was never I was like, this is something fun for me. It's not my job. Like I have a job and I had too much other work to do. where i was making money like i just didn't want to start a new career out of nowhere and so i was just like here this is what i want it's a podcast about hobbies and i just want to like talk to here's my idea i'm not i'm not i don't want to hear your notes and thoughts and we're going to build this thing together and see where it goes like this is the this is the plan take it or leave it yeah and amanda was like you know she helped me like kind of figure out the format and we did it together and it was like 10 minutes of work and it was fun and easy. And there's nothing, the only reason why I stopped doing it was just because I didn't feel like doing it anymore. That's not to say I won't do it again in the future. I just like, you know, it's hard kind of asking people, it gets annoying asking people and like, famous people to do your podcasts. And now that there's so many and mine isn't like a hot one, mine wasn't like a hot one. So I was like, you ain't, you ain't doing them any favors by letting them come on your show versus the other way around. Well, I think you probably know this because of your line of work, but celebrities love to talk about themselves and how interesting they are. I know, but people in general don't love. doing things. You have a point. These two things are at odds with each other when it comes to podcasting. I would agree. But I think the quarantine has made them... What was that? The quarantine has made people more open and available for this type of tomfoolery, I say. Well, another thing was that I was like, I'm not doing any more white people for the next six months.

And then you ran out of black people? Yeah, I was about to say what happened. Fair enough. I was, like, ashamed. Like, I just don't – I didn't know as many, like, BIPOC people as white people. And so I was like, okay, I don't – I hate myself. Bye. So it was not only did you not want to do it, but it maybe even shines some light on things you didn't want to think about. Yeah. That makes sense. That's a good reason to stop. A podcaster's burden that we all go through. It's true. It's true. Well, that's the beauty. You know, you're able to say, I don't want to do this anymore right now. And you can stop it, which I guess is kind of like a hobby. Yeah. It was also like my kid was home. And so it was really hard to do anything. Now she's back at preschool. Oh, they're back? Well, she is. I mean, not everybody is back, but. I dropped her little ass off and I kept moving. I don't even know. The school didn't start, but she's there. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what you were saying. I mean, that's what you were saying. But do you listen to podcasts or do you not care about the medium? Oh, you do. I do. I listen to, it's like all I've been listening to lately. Like I usually, I do a lot of. I go back and forth between listening to podcasts and audible, like listening to books. And I've just been on a podcast kick the past few months or like the past two months. So, so that is a hobby of yours then listening to pods. Yeah. What is the, the, well, I mean, I think listening, can you listen to them while you work? I cannot, I can only listen to them when I'm out. Yeah, no, I can't listen to anything when I work except for, like, white noise. No music, just white noise, no lyrics. Yeah, no lyrics. Damn. Do you sit in the basement alone and, like, just blast cigs, or, like, what's the vibe? I have a vape. Whoa, what is that? That looks like a fucking vibrator. What is that? Damn. Look, I have, like, a Bluetooth chip on it because I kept losing it. Okay, honestly, that's the craziest look of vape I've ever fucking seen. Whoa, whoa, whoa. For the listeners at home, it's...

teardrop shaped. Yeah, it's a soaring drop. I talked about this a lot on my podcast because I wanted them to advertise. It's a soaring drop and I fill it myself with my own juice. What kind of juice are you puffing on? Are you doing your own blends? Are you putting essential oils in there? Not no. My flavor is creamy tobacco. And I mix 50 and 30 milligrams. So you got a 40. So I have a little bit more than 50. Okay. So it's a little higher than 50. How long were you a smoker? Forever. I mean, I started smoking like regularly. Yeah. Probably when I was 16 or 17. My mom used to buy me cartons. Wow, that's advanced shit. What were you smoking early on? What was the first cig? I mean, the first cig that I ever had was probably like a camel or something or like a parliament. But when I was 17, 16, I was smoking Newport Lights. No. Not menthol? Yeah. You nasty freak. You know, Newport Light is kind of an oxymoron to me in some ways. You know what I mean? So weird. But parliaments were the real cigarette du jour of the early aughts. That's how I got started. Was it because you could do coke out of the cigarette? I was going to say, parliaments are cokehead cigarettes. That's definitely what I was doing, smoking them. But I didn't know that it had that affiliation globally. But no, I never really saw people. Well, I'm from New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But did you normally see people actually using the parliament to do coke? No one ever saw that, but it was like a fun little wives' tale, you could say. You do it like once or twice to see if it works. Yeah, right. It's like a real thing, and you're like, okay, that's not a real good delivery system for the cocaine. So your teardrop vape, just to paint the picture.

You place one of those Bluetooth things that you put on the back of a cell phone or your keys, something that you lose often, then you have it attached to an app so you could find it. Yes. Okay, that's very cool. And also your vape is big enough to where you can place this, you know, silver dollar size Bluetooth device on it. Well, you couldn't do that with a jewel. You'd have to have like four jewels taped to each other to stick it on there. Yeah, I also, I just didn't like the jewel. It was making my throat feel sour. Like every time I swall, like it just, I didn't, I didn't. Jason's a former. It gave me a little bit of that cancer kind of vibe in the throat. Yeah, I felt cancer. Yeah. Jason was a big jewel head when it first came out, but he's returned to a classic American spirit yellow. Thank God. That was my last. brand of cigarettes yellow american american spirit yellows i like that we're all we have a similar palette as it comes to our nicotine except how long how long have you been off how long have you been on the jewel and off regular six you mean on the vape because i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry you know jewel that's the thing about jewel that's the power of the brand it's basically the kleenex of vape yeah totally for a fucking lame lame person like you chris shut up Almost three years ago since I became pregnant. Oh, I didn't think about that. A little bit over three years ago because I had my kid in October. So it was like nine months prior. So over three years ago. How hard was it to stop? Was it worse than drugs? I vaped. It's not like she quit drugs. She just did a different drug that is arguably more addicting. I vaped when I was pregnant. Is that frowned upon? Yeah. I didn't know. I didn't think it was at the time. I didn't. I mean, it's not going to do anything terrible. It didn't. My kid's perfect. Right. But it's probably not the best thing in the world to be doing. Right. I didn't want to stop. I was like, I can't smoke.

packs of, I can't smoke and be pregnant. Pariah in public. Oh my God. I wouldn't do it in public. I mean, for sure. Like that was never going to happen. But even like by myself, I was like, this is disgusting. I felt disgusting doing it. And I was like, so I started chewing nicotine gum. Yeah. But I hated it. It wasn't enough. No. And then I was like, I'm just going to try or try somebody's vape or something. And I was like, that's how these kids get hooked. Exactly. So I guess I never stopped smoking, which I'm, I don't, I'm fine with it. You're saying you don't, you're not, you're not on a quest to stop. You're good where you are. Yeah. I don't want to. I appreciate that because I feel like the narrative around smoking and vaping is always like I have to be trying to quit, which I don't think is realistic. I don't try to quit. I either quit or I don't like there's no trying to quit. Do you do you think the do you think I do know what you mean? Do you think the backlash against jeweling and vaping was was bullshit when it all you know, like everyone, everyone I knew was was jeweling. It was very, very big. And then one month, everyone just completely quit. Now I don't know a single person. I haven't seen somebody jewel in months, maybe over a year now. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't see it either. I don't see it. It used to be everywhere constantly all the time. Maybe it's just because you don't see that many people in general. But I mean, I see a lot of people. Everyone I know who was jeweling just went back to cigs or just like have a little puff here and there. It was like the collective agreement that like, oh, I guess it's bad to Juul now and I'm just going to start smoking cigs. And I don't necessarily think that Juuling is worse for you than smoking cigarettes. I still think it's better for you. In the long run. I mean, I think so, yeah. You're kind of breaking up, Jason. I just want to throw that out there. Okay.

You were just a little breaking up a little bit. Thank you. I don't know if that... It's his shit connection. He lives all the way in Glendale, so it's probably the connection, you know. Oh, Chris. They don't have Fios over there. In Glendale? Where? In LA? Yeah. Oh, you're so close to me. Where do you live? Los Feliz. Yeah, I'm basically in Los Feliz right now myself. Wait, I thought that you guys were calling me from New York. I live in New York, but I'm displaced here by choice. Oh, so where do you live? East Village. But in L.A. now. Oh, it's Franklin Village. It's called Villa Carlotta. Yeah, that's it. Beachwood and Franklin. Oh yeah. Super close. Okay. So when I was like names like Gelson's, you knew exactly what I was talking about. First of all, we can do, we can do a full LA grocery store power ranking if you would like. Oh my God. I'm saying Vons is a little slept on. Uh, okay. Which Vons though? The Vons on like the corner. You can come in unless you don't want these guys to see. Paul has like a high ponytail and overalls. Paul, that hair is looking really good. This is a very sick fit you have going on. Hey, hello, King. Thank you for joining us. I look insane. Having fun. You're wearing my overalls. Okay, so just to paint the picture, your life partner. Just walked in on your podcast that you're doing and then handed you a plate of food and then you just started eating it. Yeah. What are you eating? Break it down. And then we're going to cover every grocery store. He made grilled cheese with bacon and put chips on the plate. Wow. And gave me a ginger ale. Damn, that's very sick. Jason, you don't ever make me lunch. Chris, you would never eat any of that food. I don't eat lunch yet. Lunch is...

We don't... Lunch is bullshit. Hey, let's go. So what meal do you call... Lunch is fucking bullshit. What are you doing at 12.30 p.m. then? Cigarettes, bitch. Eating breakfast. Oh. But you don't sleep... You can't sleep in. You have a child. No, but I... You're right. So I wake up at like 7 and we get her ready and take her to school and everything. But like, I'm not necessarily hungry until... Well, I had some cantaloupe. And then I was hungry now, but I'm saying like, he said, I'm making grilled cheese. Do you want some? So I said, yes. Like, I'm not going to turn it down, but it was like, are we doing lunch? Well, you don't like like a power lunch? Cause I do like to go somewhere. Oh, see, I'm like, when people are like, let's have lunch. I'm like, no, let's talk on the phone and have a kind bar. Like, like I would rather like go out to dinner or. breakfast i guess well i would like to honestly i would like to go somewhere nice for all three meals and just not really you know i don't eat at all three of those outings it's more of like an event yeah i hear that i hear that but la is such a big breakfast town and new york is not like that new york does not have a breakfast culture in the way that no but they have brunch yeah but we can't use that term you know la is so into lunch I know it's, it's because it's fucking nice outside. You can sit outside all the time. It's like a nice thing to do. I guess I'm like, it's in the middle of the day. Like you're like, you're breaking up my, you're basically like, and then by the time I get home, I'm like, my day's over. Like, but you don't work. You work at home. Don't you? Do you go somewhere? No, I work at home. I work. I'm not, I, I'm like, not this quarantine. I'm like, I have to work now? When I'm on a show and I'm doing a TV show, I do go somewhere. I go to the writer's room. And there, lunch is a huge deal. But we're not going out to lunch. We're ordering in. But that's why writers traditionally get fat, right? You're getting that sweet green delivered. Oh, my God. I mean, we're sitting eating all day. See, that is a culture. That's why I've stayed away from Hollywood.

I think until this point, I think that's what it is. Is that, is that, that like the 15 pounds, I have to turn these jobs down. Cause I don't, you know, I can't do that to myself. He can't just have one oats and honey. He can't just have one pine bar. Exactly. Oh my God. And then the people, everyone like does the healthy order because they feel judged when they're not doing healthy order. But then like one person breaks the seal and gets like grilled cheese or whatever cheeseburger. And then it's like, Everyone. Everyone's like, let's get McDonald's. Oh God. Let's get 7-Eleven hot dogs. That's a fucking nightmare. That is true. Eating in large groups is something I really don't like, but I guess you're like basically quarantined with those people anyway. That's like your life. You see them every day for the whole, how many people worked on, how many people worked on the. Betty. Yeah. Seven, eight. But that's like normal size, right? It's small. It depends on. It's pretty small. If it's like a network show, there's usually like, there could be like 12 to 15. That seems like too many people in the motherfucking room. That seems like hard to break the room up into different groups and different people will go do different things. But they're also like 22, at least 22 episodes coming out. Whereas we only had six episodes. So like when you're writing, when you have to do. 22 or 23 episodes a season, you just can't not have all those writers. You need people to be doing more than one episode at a time. Sounds stressful. We make it work in this town, Chris. It's not stressful if it's not... your show like if you're not the showrunner so you're saying if you're just hired to come in here and fucking you know get some arcs and get a few jokes off it's easy breezy but like love which is your show that shit's stressful well yeah that was very stressful yeah but you know what betty was also my show and like it wasn't as stressful why do you think that is because you weren't working with your husband

I think that has something to do with it. I think it also wasn't my first one. I was like so... I had so much... I wanted to control so much because I was so scared and I had so much stress about it. Well, it's also autobiographical to some extent, correct? Yeah. So you feel extra attached to it, which I understand that. And then with Betty, I didn't feel... I just wanted my only goal with Betty was like, I want to go into work having and have fun every day. Like I want a job that I like and that I feel good waking up in the morning and going to work period. I don't care if the show is good or not. I don't care if it's, I really didn't at that point. I had like let go of everything. But that's why it turned out probably well is because you didn't. you weren't stressing yourself out and making more than it'd be. I mean, I hope so. Like I sleep well and like, I didn't, I didn't like lose any sleep over the work that I was doing every night, every day. I thought like, you know, we did the best we could today. And I felt like that was true. And I don't know like how well the show did or how it was pretty well received though. Wasn't it like critically? I mean, yeah, but it didn't get that many critical reviews. It wasn't like... It's on HBO? Mm-hmm. But it's not like one of those vulture shows that people write about. Do you think that's because of the subject matter, or do you think it's only being six episodes, or is it just timing? What do you think that... What do you think? I think those Friday night shows, which is like High Maintenance, Random Acts of Flyness, Betty, like the smaller HBO shows don't maybe have that much of like a critical impact, at least not in the first season. Or maybe it was also the subject matter. I don't know. Are you doing a second season? I am not personally, but Crystal is.

I'm not doing it because before COVID, she wanted to do the writer's room in New York, which it was just like from the beginning. I was like, I can't do that. Like I can shoot in New York, but that's three months. I can't do, I can't move my family to New York for at least six months. So was that like contentious or was it just like, I'm good? No, no, it was totally like, I love them. I love the show. I'm always there whenever she needs me. Not contentious at all. Do you have other shit to do? Or is it just literally New York? I have other shit to do now. But when we were making that deal, I was like, I can't do it. So either you can buy me out or we can do it in LA. Cause like, I can't like, she knew that going in. I have a kid and like, I can't be without my family for six months and have them be here. And they can't like Paul has work here. Like, and I understand from her end too. Like she lives in New York. And the show is based in New York too, correct? Yeah, it is a New York show. Well, getting bought out is very cool. Getting bought out sounds cool. I agree with Jason. That sounds like a perfect ending if there's no beef. Yeah, no, not at all. I think that the show is so fun and cool, and maybe I'll work on it again if they ever want to do a season in L.A. or something, or whatever it is, whatever the case may be. Well, see, I find it to be really well-timed, actually. But in your experience, what was the difference between working with someone like HBO, like legacy, real Hollywood shit, versus Netflix? I love working with both companies, and I'm not just saying that. Is it different though? Is there like nuance to it or is it just like- Which one pays more money though? Yeah, let's be honest. Netflix. See, somebody explained Netflix to me as there are 75 people that can write big checks, whereas at most places there's five people that can write big checks. Yeah, I mean, Netflix has, HBO doesn't have any money. Like they're not, especially for a half hour comedy. Like what they put money into, you know, our big name.

Westworld, shit like that. Game of Thrones. All the bullshit shows. Not cool ones like Betty or High Maintenance. Is Love over? Yeah. So it was three seasons, and was that the plan always? No. They said we're good on this. No one, you might read that. We got canceled after three seasons. You might read, oh. The show decided to end. Oh, I see. I see. He decides to stop being employed for fun. Yes, I would agree with that. These are not just actors and writers. There's entire crews employed. I'm like, oh, you know what? I feel like I'm good now creatively. Yeah, how much of a responsibility do you feel after the show has had a few seasons to keep? keep the show going for all the people who sort of depend on it for I mean that's like a lot to take on like you just want your show to get picked up for as many seasons as possible it's not my responsibility because I'm not the one who's ultimately handing out those checks sure I'm like I'm not there to like be like take care of people's feelings like we have a job to do you know including myself like no one is my mom Poor dad at work. Yeah. Jason's my dad at work, and I thank God for that every fucking day because I would be lost without him. Daddy wants to talk about L.A. supermarkets now, okay? Yeah. Lest we forget. We need the Leslie Arfin L.A. supermarket power rankings. So if you just want to start at the top and go down five, let's say, grocery stores, and we'll rate your ratings. The best is Whole Foods. Okay. Which location? Which location, though? Which location? Well, there's none close to us. So, like, I'm not talking about 365 or whatever bullshit. None of my homies fuck with 365. We don't recognize 365 as an actual Whole Foods. Yeah, it's not Whole Foods. That's truly it. It's like a store of, like, a bunch of different kinds of lettuce in broken fridges and boxes. It's Old Navy of food. Yeah. It's the diffusion line.

Dude, it definitely is the Old Navy of food. It looks like an Old Navy in there. Yeah, all the end caps have sort of been torn apart a little bit. Those fridges are dumb as fuck. I totally agree with you. The sliding door, they're so dumb. They're not intuitive. They're counterintuitive. They are. So that's out of the way. So the only Whole Foods are in like, there's one on Fairfax and there's one behind the Grove. Like the Fairfax... I hit Fairfax every... Fairfax is my daily driver. That one's way better. Well, Arfin, suck on this one. Whole Foods, Burbank. I've never fucked with it. So that's right over there. So you're on Los Feliz. You just bop onto the 5 North. You're there in like less than 10 minutes. And, you know, it's right near like all the studios. So it's industry only. Yeah, it's industry only. You know how it is. And they have a parking garage that is covered, good for a hot day. So your Tesla won't get warm while you're picking up the handle up. That's perfect. By far the best. The Glendale one, you have to wait in line to get in. It's the whole thing. Oh, disgusting. Wait, is it relatively empty on weekends or not? Let's not push it. Let's not push it. But honestly, it's probably busier on a weekday compared to a weekend because most of the businesses, like studio employees and stuff, before COVID, it was like a thousand people eating lunch there. And they're all like the dorkiest, like people who work at Warner Brothers Music and shit. In like the alt country department or something. That's why I like to go to the... the Fairfax location is full of, full of, full of what Chris? Yeah, for sure. It's a good, full of beautiful people in bad workout clothes, the LA uniform. It's, it's, it's, that is the hotbed of that look. Ground zero. I think it's full of bad people in beautiful workout clothes though. I know you're a gym shark guy, Jason, but we, we, we, we differ on that. So whole foods.

It's number one. What's number two? It's good. I mean, yeah. Okay. I'm not counting like Brentwood places. Why not? Wow. She just, damn Jason. She just put full Hollywood on us. Okay. So Brentwood's out. Only because I just don't look like it's so far. I mean, I know that like, whatever. Brentwood market is great. Whatever. So we're talking ones you really go to. This is a day in the life. Gelson's. I'll be it. It's expensive. And it's annoyingly expensive. Like, it doesn't need to be as expensive as it is. Are you going to the one on Hyperion or the one here on Franklin? I go to both. Damn, no allegiance. The one on Hyperion is like the Max Fish of supermarkets. Yeah. They keep the lights bright in the bathroom so no one nods out? That's crazy. First of all, before COVID, people would go there to drink wine and watch Jeopardy. It was a boom spot. It was a bit of a boom. And then I would all, like, even when I don't now, which I just go to Franklin now because it's like. The Franklin one is dirty compared to Hyperion, though. You got to give me that. The Hyperion one, I'd be like, oh, I have to, like, put on a cute outfit. Because you might run into. Well, Jason, you know, Jason's best celebrity signing of all time is Tom York from Radiohead at the Gelson's on Franklin. Dude. We saw him on Sunset. That is a really good one, by the way. Was he going to Saddle Ranch? No, wait. By the way, the one on Franklin is more of a celeb hub. It is. For sure. That's why I'm staying within walking distance. Yeah, but we saw him. He must live in this neighborhood. He lives in Beachwood. He lives Beachwood. Oh, that's why you moved there. I'm not a radio. He hates radio head. I make fun of radio head. Yeah. Like I don't listen to them, but I like, we all went through a fake plastic trees phase though. Let's be honest. I know the song creep. Like that's it. Damn. Like Paul's best friend is like the biggest radio head fan. Like I just sounds like a cool guy.

He is so cool. I think I know Creep and another song. I'll send you a playlist. It's no big deal. It's already made. Jason has a Spotify playlist ready to go for Radiohead doubters. You'll be on the receiving end of that. I'll turn you out. He would love you. You'll turn me out? You're going to be slitting those fucking wrists in the bathtub tonight. I have an open mind, dude. Send it. Hell yeah. Housepants97. What is the third in the power rankings then? We need a wild card here, Leslie, because you're throwing speed balls. TJs. You can't. Disgusting. Dude, Trader Joe's. I'm not talking about, I'm only talking about what they have. I'm not talking about parking. I'm not talking about the space inside. They have slam dunk snacks that you can't find anywhere else. That's true. So good. And just like even there, they just have like, oh, here's a cinnamon butter spread. You know, I'm shocked to not hear a cookbook. Oh, cookbook. Okay. So that's what I was saying. Like we can't count cookbook. Yes, we can. That's not a supermarket. Obviously cookbook is the best. Well, look, if you're, if you're making this HBO money, I expect your cantaloupe and tomatoes to be coming for cookbook. I can't be going to cookbook for it's the cookbook is the size of my bathroom. Because it's so specialty, because it's so specialized that the items are such high quality. They couldn't fill a whole store. No, everything in the fridge at cookbook, you have to get it and like run out the door. Like they have this. Is this like, are you saying that you should steal it? You have to call ahead. It's so good. You talking about the pimento cheese spread? It's always out, and it's the best thing ever. Those curry cashews are also very special, I would like to say. I've heard that they are, but I'm not a spicy person. I'm not a spicy food eater. I was going to say, I think you are a spicy person, just maybe not a spicy food eater. Let's make it very clear.

My palate cannot, I have a delicate palate. What is your stance on popular grocery store air wine? Oh, I don't, I like air wine. Trying to go one way and somebody else is like in the same aisle. It's like, sorry. It's like just such a huge deal. Last time we were there also, my daughter dropped like a bottle, like a small bottle of like an essential oil that she was holding. And people were like, and I'm like. I'm sorry. We'll pay for it. It was like, you know, this big and like $18. And I'm like, like, sorry. Like, like I just feel very unseen there. That's, that's unfortunate. I mean, I feel very seen there, but maybe not in a way that I like. Because it's a lot of chicks and they're like scoping you out. They're like, Ooh, a guy who eats healthy food, but like a mother, they're like, we expect you. We were, we've been expecting you. We knew you were coming, sweetie. I just also, I'm like, I guess I need this like flourless spelt bread because that'll make my life better. But like, I don't need that. I don't want it. I don't know what to do with it. I think the moral of your story is really. prescribing each market for specific things like i would never buy meat from trader joe's but i would definitely go there to buy snacks i would never go there to buy produce really you can't you can't buy produce at trader joe's it's bullshit don't do it it's like shipped from africa like straight from the desert very good but like that's the annoying thing about food shopping is that there's something that i need at every different place so like gelson's love it what could be wrong with gelson's for some reason they like have two packs of two packages of diapers and that's it like their baby section is bullshit it's nothing so i'm like okay great which isn't was never a problem before it was a problem you know but it just is weird it's like really like

You have, like, a whole row dedicated to, like, off-label fancy hand soaps and, like, seaweed shampoo. But, like, you can't have, like, whatever fancy diapers. I think Gelson's knows their demographic. They know that, you know, for some reason diapers don't fly off the shelves there. So they took them off. And whatever that, you know, maybe The Help is buying them. Maybe they're ordering them online. Whatever it could be. The Help? It is Gelson's. It is Gelson's, but I do think that there's a percentage of that kind of business that's been killed by Amazon for grocery stores. Good point. Maybe that's why, A, it's never crowded. B, it's very neat. It's very clean. It's very well organized and well stocked. There's not as much riffraff hanging out front that you're going to find at Albertsons, for example. See, Albertsons is not even on them. I mean, that's not even... I know, but my Albertsons is the one that's in closest proximity to me. The Los Feliz Albertsons is not bad. Los Feliz Albertsons is disgusting. That's where COVID started. Well, did you see it before they remodeled? If it's the epicenter of COVID now, if you think it's akin to a Wuhan wet market, you should have seen it three years ago. I wouldn't even set foot in there. Oh, I did see it three years ago. Yeah, it was disgusting. That's what I'm saying. Their renovation is like a joke. It's like, oh, so you put down, like, a hula hoop and, like, big deal. Like, now you have, like, eight coolers holding things in front. We have hula hoops now. I was told that. I'd sooner go to a Rite Aid than that Albert says. Wow. Wow. Shots fired. That Albertsons has some good Yukon gold potatoes, though. Wow. Thank you for that hot tip, Jason. I was told that that coffee bean and tea leaf is a hot methamphetamine spot. Really? Yes. Yes. To cop. That's so interesting because I actually always run into somebody I know there who I don't think is on meth. But Jason. Actually, now that you say that, not know. Well.

Are you getting coffee there? I haven't in a while, but my friend came over the other day and brought me like a chai latte from Coffee Bean, and it was amazing. And a sandwich that I split with her, and it was so good. You probably hadn't had a coffee drink with that much sugar in it in years. No, what are you talking about? All I do is drink like Starbucks with sugar. So you don't go to Maru or even a disgusting blue bottle? I was stereotyping. Okay. I do. I love those places. Well, we make our, I don't leave the house for coffee. Like I usually make it, my husband and I make it ourselves, but I rarely drink more than one coffee a day. Sometimes two. When I'm writing, when I'm at work, it's different. But when I'm not, I get anxiety. Blue bottle? Oh my God. It just. It's really intense. It's so good, but it's very strong. It gets you too jacked. It gets me a little too jazzed. Same with the Intelligentsia, but I prefer Blue Bottle over Intelligentsia. I don't like Intelligentsia. I like to get jacked. Me too, when I have stuff to do. Yeah, but I feel like I can find stuff to do every day to require that second caffeine jolt in the late afternoon. I think you're right. I think that... COVID changed a little bit of that for me because I get more anxious now because of this. Are you guys, are you guys COVID freaks? Are you bleaching your daughter's food? No, my husband is more, um, careful than I am. He's appropriately keeping us all alive, but I'm not a freak about it. I mean, I'm not like, you're not a super spreader though. No, no. We are both super spreaders on this podcast. So welcome into our bubble. You don't have a choice. Like I wear a mask. Oh, I mean. What if I was like so – like what if we started this and I was wearing a mask? Like I just do it just to be safe. You have gloves on while you're podcasting? Yeah. People definitely –

When I see people driving cars alone with masks on, it's no different. Why? No, it's so weird. I'm like, either you're a freak or you just forgot to take it off. Like, please just say you forgot to take it off, which you would forget. I can't. Yeah, there's nothing I want to do. Dinner plate on your face. I can't wait to take this stinky mask off whenever I get back in the car. Oh, it comes off before I'm halfway in the car and I'm vaping. So you are a spreader. Spreader. Gelson's, I'm like lifted, vape, pull it down again. I like bring, dude, fucking Gelson's waiting in line. I bring my Nintendo Switch. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you're vaping and playing a video game in line? I'm vaping and playing a video game wearing sweatpants. While you're grocery shopping. Everything's changed. What? Everything has changed. What did you say, Jason? While you're shopping. I've never played a video game in my life before COVID. Are you doing Animal Crossing? You know it. The confidence with which you said that is disturbing, actually. How proud you were of that is shaking me to my core. Did you ever think when you were a young vice contributor doing coke off of some... doing coke off of some graffiti writer's dick or something. You'd be like, all right, I'm going to be 40. I'm going to be living in LA and I'm going to be playing animal crossing video games at the supermarket. You know what? I could not, my brain was so limited. I could not think my life would be this good. Amazing. I have no capacity to dare to dream that my life would be this good. That's a sweet sentiment to have. It is a sweet sentiment to have. I agree. Do you miss New York or are you all set on that? No, I miss it for sure. I mean, I love New York. New York is the best. It's the best city. I mean, it's my favorite place in the world. I love it. Time to nuke that place. That's true. We're all moving to Westchester anyway, so it's fine. I know, right? Where are you guys from? I'm from Atlanta. I'm from Orange County, California.

Beach. Ever heard of it? God damn it. Jason reps very hard for Orange County. As a Trump supporter, Jason feels seen as an Orange County resident. When I'm here, I'm home. We went to Newport Beach. We did an Airbnb in Newport Beach in COVID. And it was great. It was such a great Airbnb. this cool beach shack right on the ocean, but like no one there, everyone, there's not one person of color and no one was wearing a mask. And we were like, Oh, this is a Republican. We had no idea. That's you're literally talking about Jason. So I understand. I mean, it was, we had a good time. I mean, But now that we have connected, I can be your consultant whenever you want to go down to Orange County. I'll tell you which places are less racist and bad. Oh, thank you. I will ask you. The Airbnb was so cool. It's like we weren't going there to make friends or anything. I didn't want to wear a mask on the beach anyway. Spoken like a true reality show contestant. I'm not here to make friends. I'm absolutely not here to make any friends. I'm here to find love. And that's what I'm going to do. What reality show is that? I don't know. He knows. Any British thing I can do, I'm an Anglophile, so I just try to throw it in when I can. Do you watch The Crown? Oh, no, no. I mean music. Chris doesn't go that far. No. Dude, The Crown got me more into wanting to be British. Is that the show that's going to have Princess Diana? Yeah. Okay, I'm in. Watch it from season one. No regrets. Wow, that good. You do watch a lot of TV. It's really good. I haven't in a while, but when I watch it, I watch things hard. When you're crowning, you're crowning. Yeah. That's not a pregnancy pun, but it is now.

When I watch, I watch hard. Yeah. Like I'll wait for the series to be over so I can binge all of it sometimes. Are you smoking weed while you're doing this binging? No, I don't smoke weed or drink. I'm sober for like 18 years. Okay. Very cool. I didn't know it was 18 years. That's impressive. Yeah, it's so long. Congratulations. Thank you. It's a journey, right? Just like life itself. Well, I want to talk about your germs tattoo. Oh, my God. It's the stupidest fucking thing. Ew. It makes my arm look fat. It's one of the more iconic band tattoos that you can get. And unfortunately, I was never a big germs fan in the right age. I, like, wasn't either. I was, but, like... It's so dumb. It's so big and on my arm. It's like a giant donut on my arm. I mean, it is – for a germ fan, a germaphobe, they would recognize that. But to a layman, they would just think that this lady is just into circles. Yeah. You can be both into circles and a germs fan. You know what I mean? These things don't exist. I just really – There's only so many iconic logos, you know, besides like the Stones tongue, which I've considered getting before as a massive Stones fan. Oh, totally. I've definitely been like, that's a sick idea for a tattoo. Like when I was in college, I was like, definitely. It's not bad. Like it's, it's, it's timeless. You have to get that one on a butt cheek, though, if you ask me. I actually like that more and more as we're talking about it. What a funny thing to get now. Of course, the Stones rule. It's like the Coca-Cola logo. It's recognized globally, too. There's no confusion like the germs. It's a great logo. It's amazing. Maybe get it right above your penis area, Chris. Yeah, okay. Lenny Kravitz style.

That's so funny. What a funny idea. No, I haven't gotten a new tattoo in so long because I'm so lazy. You are pretty yatted up, though. Yeah, you're heavily yatted. Yeah. You're no stranger to the Ink Slinger's Ball is what I'm saying. If I'm going to get another one, I should get my kid's name. Yeah, maybe the kid's name underneath or above the Rolling Stone's tongue. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think I've got to figure it out for you. Take that to your little tatty artist and tell him I sent you. Okay. I don't, like, have a guy, like, I don't know. It's like sitting next to a stranger for a while. It's like getting your hair cut, but you have to face them. And it also hurts. Yeah, it also hurts and it's also permanent. It doesn't really hurt. It really doesn't. It doesn't hurt that much. It kind of does a little bit. It doesn't feel great. I mean, I guess it depends on where you're getting it. Like some places hurt more, but. How painful is it giving birth to a child? I felt like. Lay it on me. I felt like my leg, like the lower half of my body was on fire. Damn, that's how Chris feels after a game of tennis against me. Did you, but did you have a C-section? Was it natural? I had a C-section, but it wasn't a planned C-section. So I was in labor for a long time and pushing and pushing. And then she was facing the wrong way. Oh, okay. She was facing the ceiling where it's supposed to be. It needs to be the other way. Yeah. Do you guys have children? No. Hell no. Not yet. That you know of. Jason, dead ass, he could have won somewhere. He toured Canada a lot as a DJ, so you know how to say it. Canada is the least fucking place. There's a little Jason in Alberta. You know what I'm saying? You don't even know about him. Australia, that's a problem. Incidentally, her name is Alberta. Wouldn't that be funny? That would be really funny. It's kind of a cute name. I'm not mad at it. I think that, did you have, so how long were you in labor? Are we talking 20 hours? Yeah, like.

Hours, hours. Yes. Paul knows. Did you vape while you were in something hours? Did you vape while you were on the stirrups? What was that? Did I vape while I was in labor? Yeah. No. That was a lie. No, it's not. But also, like, just so you guys know, I did like, no, I didn't. Okay. But I was in the hospital for five days after because I. Damn. Had a C-section, had to get a blood transfusion. It was like a weird. It was everything was fine. But I also love being in the hospital. Were you at Cedars? Yeah. Did you have the cookies? Dude, I had everything. Like being in the hospital, especially at Cedars, especially after you've given birth, is the best because they give you something called a Cedars cocktail. So you can't eat after C-section and you are really hungry, but you're really, really thirsty. You know, it's like when you have surgery. I don't know if you've ever had surgery, but like you can't drink. Right. And so you're so hungry and tired and so thirsty. And so they make you this thing and like this huge, this huge like plastic to go thermos with a handle that says cedars filled with crushed ice. Apple juice, orange juice, and cranberry juice, right? Like, who cares? The three most basic juices. So this is like when Jason mixes all the bottle service mixers. Yeah, yeah. This is a TJ Sunrise. At the table. Yeah, okay. But you don't know that those are the ingredients at this point. And you're out of it. You're like kind of suited. You're like all over the place. Right. And you're on amazing drugs. Yeah. I was going to ask if you took the drugs. I was going to ask if you took the drugs. Yes. Any drug I can take where it's like I'm allowed, you know, or it's like a freebie. Like, yes, I'm in so much pain. Like, give me the morphine drip. Chris is going to fuck around and get a baby. I'm going to be the second man to get pregnant so I can get back on them oxys. You know what I'm saying? No, there are like tons of people.

like opiate addicts who are like, I hurt my wrist. Can I have morphine? Maybe I should start skateboarding. You know what I mean? Just really. Yeah. Look, I've seen nurse Betty. I know how it goes down. Should I watch that? You should watch it. Especially if you are, it shows the way people deal with addiction in a, in a way that I've never seen before. I'm interested. I didn't know that about that show, but I know it was like really popular at the time. Yeah. Leslie? So anyway, so they, wait, is it time? No, I want to hear about the cocktail and then it's time. So you don't know what they're giving you. You just know that you're so thirsty and they're, here they come with this Cedars cocktail with like a built-in straw. Do you have the cup still? Oh, I have three of them. So sick. See, that's what I want. So cool. Very cool. You're drinking this amazing fruit juice cocktail that you're like, what is this elixir? I'm so high. Then they wheel in your super cute fucking newborn. Like, oh, you just gave somebody a life and you gave, here's your child. Here's like the best present all bundled up. Like I was like fucking. blissed out it is the happiest a person could ever feel i'm holding my spawn for the first time drinking like the like paradise in a cup on morphine and then everybody is like how are you how are you like do you need a pillow do you need this you don't have to pee you don't have to get up and go anywhere because i had a catheter so like i'm lounging I'm chilling and everybody, people send you things and then your husband and everybody's like, and poor Paul. I mean, like he's so hungry. He's so tired. He's, it's harder for them. I think because like he doesn't get any of the perks at least like, and then.

So I wasn't in like the fancy – like some people get like sweets at Cedars if they're like rich and famous and they get like a separate menu. I just had like regular Cedars menu, which was amazing. It's so good. The food is so good there. Damn. No joke. I was like, Paul, are you going to eat your mac and cheese? He's like, you can have it. So you said you're going to finish that to hospital food. I'll go there for lunch. But you said that even before, you know, if the line's too long at Jones, I'll go to Cedars for a little Caesar. But you said you liked hospitals. You like going there to begin with, even before you went to Cedars, though. Well, I like having to be a patient in a hospital because I like getting drugs. Got it. Okay. Why? You don't do drugs anymore, but you had an oxy problem? Yeah. So now I just do a podcast with Jason and try to talk over him so people notice me more. It's going pretty well. What do you guys do outside of this? I don't know. Is this your job job? No. I work in fashion mostly. Like what kind of fashion? He's a model. I'm a model. No. Like as a consultant with different brands of all sorts. Chris, don't be so mysterious. Like what? I want the discount. It's nothing you would want, I don't think. If you win some awards, we can discuss some Tom Brown for your red carpet. Oh, like men's fancy clothes? Yeah. Dude, I'll take it. I'll take it. So why did you come out here to LA to kick your addiction? No, no, no, no. This is years ago. This is years ago. No, I'm just here to hang out and exercise. But you still, but you're not in AA or anything? No, no, no. But I'm, I'm, it's been like three and a half years, I think. Wow. That's so great. But fitness is his anti-drug. Yeah. I fully pivoted to like that guy. Like you're a gym rat. Totally like a nut job. Like to the point where I'm like hurt right now.

So you eat healthy and you go on hikes and stuff? No, I don't hike. I do real exercise. Run long distances, work with a trainer, play tennis. I'm not going for a walk on a hill. Where do you guys play tennis? I know, a walk on a hill. It's exactly what that is. We play in Glendale near Jason's house, actually. Leslie, where can people find you on the World Wide Web? Twitter and Instagram. So Betty is streaming on HBO right now. Yeah, it's on HBO Go. And all three seasons of Love are on Netflix. You know, we're big fans of Love on this podcast. I love the show. Thanks, guys. Oh, so did you know, do you recognize Paul when he came in? I mean, he was dressed like Super Mario, but yes, I did recognize him. Yes. He's so nice. I love the show. He seems like a very, very nice man. Really? Yeah. Well, I think it was just interesting. I just think it, I think when people try to do shows like that, sometimes it doesn't feel like it's done by someone who actually lived that way. Does that make sense? It doesn't feel authentic enough. And it felt like this was made by someone who actually lived this, which I think is tough. That's so nice. Thanks. That really genuinely means a lot to me. It's hard to do all of it. I also think Jillian Jacobs is hot, so I've followed her career pretty closely. Yeah, she's so beautiful. I like watching it because I would recognize all the places that you go to on the show, and that's one of my favorite pastimes of television. I know that gas station. I know that apartment complex, et cetera. So you know Marshall High School? Yeah, right by your house. Yeah, that's where they filmed Grease. Oh, wow. Isn't that a fun fact? I love Hucklewood, baby. This is really my town. I tell you what. So why don't you move here? Well, I mean, look, what show can I work on? Is that what you want to do? No, no, no, no, no. You said you work in fashion. I do, but I can act. I can write. I can dance. You can do it all. It's really a triple threat. I'm like Zendaya. It's a triple threat situation. If Zendaya was a white guy?

Straight at me. Yeah, that's my new tagline. If Zendaya was a white guy. You can do fashion here. No, you can't. People look like shit here. It's not the right vibe. Maybe that's why you should work here. I don't know anything. Yeah, Chris. That'll be your life's work, making people in Los Angeles finally dress to your standards. Don't buy the Maserati. Spend that $100,000 on clothes. Trust me, guys. All right, Leslie. Thank you. Stream, stream Betty on HBO, stream love on Netflix. How can I find, when is this podcast going up? I'll email you. And the link. And so I'll post it and everything. Yeah, that'd be great. And it's just like, you guys just do this podcast to have conversations with people. Like how did you find some of the people on your podcast, like Pia or whoever? They're friends or like friends of friends mostly. That's so cool. It's very organic. Yeah, all, you know, people who do all different types of things from all different parts of the world, just that might be in our network that we feel like they might, you know, have an interesting perspective to talk to for an hour, you know? I think that's so cool. Is it on iTunes? Yeah, it's available at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, anywhere you can find podcasts. It's there. I'm so proud of you guys. And we also record three episodes a week, Mom. You do? Yeah. That's right. So if you've got, if you've got any Hollywood friends that you want to suggest, just let us know. We also do some names of like friends and people who might want to do it. Anybody. Our only requirement is that they have to be down to clown, you know, no fucking over serious dorks. Right. Like no one who's like wearing a mask. Exactly. Nobody who's actually wearing a mask. Unless you have a lot of followers. Unless I look at your Instagram and there's a letter M on the followers amount, you can't. Then we're talking. Then you can wear a mask. There's a letter M? If you have a million, yeah. I told you guys. I'm never on. I didn't even know that. We all teach each other and learn from each other on this show, girl.

You guys are so funny and cool. I really like being on this, and I will definitely send you some names. Amazing. Thank you for your time, honestly, and thank you for bringing all of this great television into our lives. Thanks. Arpin, you rock. Arpin, you rock. You guys are so awesome. You guys rock, and stay in touch. All right. We'll talk to you soon.