887. - Robby Hoffman

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Hey guys, Jason here. Really quick just to let you know, Chris's mic was a little staticky and weird on the intro, so I'm using the Zoom recording for that. for the interview with robbie everything sounds normal so feel free to skip ahead if you don't like the audio quality or just enjoy it with us i hope everyone has a great holiday season and a happy new year we'll see you guys later how long gone the magic is in the room with us now um in beautiful atlanta georgia on on this uh where what it's christmas eve eve as they say in the business i believe eve what business is that chris the business of love The business of consumerism, bro. Think about it. Guilty as charged. I've been buying. I've been buying. You've been buying for yourself or for others and your loved ones? Well, mostly loved ones and other ones as this is the holiday season. But sometimes the gift is for somebody else, but you could be using it also. And I'm a little guilty of that. Okay. So I saw this. Actually, I was going to ask you about this. I saw a Breville. stovetop pizza oven okay it looks very sexy but apparently it just doesn't get quite hot enough for the real heads and i was and it's it's like 700 bucks and it but it looks really nice and i was just like oh i must i knew there had to be a downside the breville smart oven pizza iolo pizza oven stainless steel looks nice right it does look nice but at seven hundred dollars

It says it can reach 750, but we know it's probably coming in more of a 590, right? And that's not, I mean, that's just not going to work for the blistering I'm looking for. Our standard ovens can hit 550, so it's not really getting my little pee-pee too hard. Oh, I see. Okay, okay. So the leoparding is only going to happen with a 900. There's no leoparding with the Rebels. God damn it. But we're almost post-leoparding, you know. Leoparding is a little old hat, I think now. Oh, okay, okay. trend-wise trend-wise it still tastes good of course but yeah like the same the same reason why we prefer just spaghetti and meatballs at the end of the day compared to the truffle cacio pepe with the caviar and we want the burger from in and out and not the one with truffle and caviar and gold and and all that shit you know yeah sure sometimes i mean most people are just like if it gone to my head Give me a classic kind of Domino's style thin crust or a Brooklyn slice or a quarter sheets pepperoni, whatever. I don't need to have the... this mozzarella was flown in on a small donkey and you know like like i always say with pizza i just want it to taste good i don't really care about the ins and outs of it but but i just saw that was i was like that's a nice gift especially for someone who doesn't know that their oven gets that hot already that seems like the perfect yeah and also every oven is different of course and everyone should of course have not they should have two oven thermometers in your oh my bad you can get well you can every oven has a built-in thermometer you can trust it as far as you can throw it you go on amazon you can get little kind of oven thermometers they're like five seven bucks get two of them put one in like the top left corner one in the bottom right corner so you're getting a composite take a composite temp of both of them or even all three of them because oven temp can really very so wildly and i'm in this headspace right now coming off of my classic uh faux stewart family holiday cookie bake-off which went down last night how many did we get under the belt no santa we got uh we got about 50 cookies made yesterday okay and and how what is the time i guess i don't know what the time per cookie average would be but what i'm not a number well my tpc last year was what like

I don't know. I mean, I would say to make 50 cookies total is probably two hours. Oh, okay, okay. So it's not crazy. But I've been doing this for years, and there's a whole system, and Carolyn helps. It's a one-two punch. We prep it out. We got it all. There's an assembly line going on. I assumed it was a well-oiled machine, and I'm upset to be missing those cookies this year, but I think next year I know you've teased getting a more serious operation going so that wider distribution is possible. Yeah, and holiday gift giving from the How Long Gone Corporation. It's going to be blueberry jam filled, and then we need a green one for the, I don't know. Mint jelly, thumbprint cookies. Sounds bad. I think spinach would work great. Spinach. Classic basil. We'll do a pesto one and a blueberry one. It's going to be good. For something savory. I went to Miller. Remember the restaurant we went to before your bachelor party, before you went to Magic City? Miller Union in Atlanta. I went last night and it was so fucking good. And I was so happy to get, I don't know. I just didn't, I didn't remember it that well. And then we went last night and it was a crowd pleaser, even with Alex's parents who are not, you know, they're not picky, picky, but they're not not picky. You know what I mean? It's that time of year. Is that time of year for what? For city mice to come have some good old country food? Well, to try to please everyone with a restaurant choice. And it can be difficult to get everybody's palate on the same page. Luckily, all parties involved were white, so there was no crossover there, right? Oh, yeah. We made sure, to be clear, no spices on any of the food. I need to know Alex's parents, Bite of the Night, and then the infamous Chris Black. black bite of the night well i think well alex's mom and i both loved we had a it was like a grouper and a curry it was very good you've been you've been playing in the curry seafood space lately i know it's not really my listeners with a keen ear will notice it's not usually my thing but i i don't know and this in this and it had a bunch of vegetables in it but there was a um there was also a bill got a mushroom bolognese that was very good and there was some grouper hush puppies as well i didn't want to

get too crazy. I know, I know. That's the most Southern shit of all time. It was just a, I don't know. It was just exactly, it made sense. It hit the spot and sometimes, because I can't take them to Elmere. You know what I mean? They don't want to be around people doing coke. No, and you shouldn't take yourself there either. No shade. That's the only thing I'm thinking about is how I can escape to get one burrito before we head back to New York City. You're going to be able to get one burrito. Come on. I think so. I would think so. Well, I just don't like to eat them for lunch. It's just too much for lunch. No, I agree. It's a guaranteed nap time after that, right? Huge nap. Huge nap. Yeah, sometimes I've been noticing, if I ever eat a large lunch, like a substantial-ish lunch, and I go back to work, like if I'm editing, and I take a break to eat lunch, I go back on the machine, I could literally, I just work until my eyes just, my body just shuts down, and I just... And I just like sort of go lay on the couch for 10 minutes and then wake back up and then go back to normal. But I have no control over it. It's just like, boom, I'm out. It's crazy that that is a thing. I mean, I think we need to land somewhere in the middle. I think the sort of bowlification at the desk, mouse on the other hand, AirPods and lunch is bad. But I also think the three hour gluttonous lunch is bad. So maybe we can just land in that sweet spot of, you know. Well, the problem is I am landing in the sweet spot, but. But I think it's just like my body where all of our bodies are so different. And I think that's so important. But my body just responds, does not respond well to a lunch. Like I'm a breakfast guy. Breakfast dinner junkie. I could probably eat every day. Look, dude, I don't I don't I'm just going to be honest. Like I eat dinner almost every day. I'm addicted to it. But. You know, lunchtime, I love a lunch. I used to lunch all the time. Well, I like the social aspect of it. Because breakfast, as I've said many times, I'm not really eating it. I'm definitely not eating it with someone at a restaurant. That's just not. That's Chris time. I do three breakfasts either. Sometimes it's no breakfast. I probably eat breakfast half the week. If I'm feeling eggy, I'll do like three.

three scrambled eggs just straight up if there's some protein from the night before a little steak little chicken whatever throw it in there if i have some grouper lying around of course i'll throw that in and then i'll make a an oatmeal and then and then the other one is like some yogurt yeah just like a little yogurt and some honey davide style and that's it But if I do anything more than that, then, yeah, my whole day is shot. I do all of my crunching and munching on dinner time. Yeah, you can't have a bunch of pastries. And that's just my body. Not everyone is the same. No, not everybody's body is the same, but it's brave of you to share. Don't watch me. Watch TV. You don't want this life, brother. That's what they famously say. Yeah, I'm in the holiday spirit. I know you can hear it in my voice. So I get to go to the mall after we finish recording, which is my favorite thing to do. Which mall that is? Lennox? We're going to hit Phipps and Lennox, hopefully. We're going to do a double-double because they're just across the street, you know, bang-bang. And you have so much time to kill. Honestly, not really, but enough. Well, it takes an hour to park this time of year, so you've got to factor that in. What about valet, bro? The valet? There's too many Hellcats, man. There's no room. The valet's full. The Bentley trucks, the Hellcats, the fucking double R's. Okay, so you show up, the scat packs have it all accounted for. There's no room for your... What kind of car did you get this time? I got, unfortunately, an Audi Q7. So I'm not super pleased with it. Why is that, unfortunately? Because it's too big? No, Audis are for women. that's just i don't know how else to say it and it's it's like the biggest one which i like but it's more it's not it doesn't sit up high it sits like a yeah it sits like a sedan which i think is the point is the appeal it's a bit of a bastard child between a station wagon yeah like an audi q4 wagon sitting on something but it's not a full high up but i think that's the beauty of the audi spirit but you're coming straight from the Land Rover Sport where you're sitting up high, boxy, king of the road, king of the Lululemon store. I want Range Sport Black. And they had one, but I was going to have to change paperwork, and I was like, all right, forget this. Let's get out of here. But I'm sure the interior experience on the Audi Q7 has got to be much more of an upgrade. No, it's not. No, the outside of your Land Rover Sport, sleek, sexy, clean, all black.

inside it's it's giving utilitarian it's giving you know the g the jeep grand no i disagree interior i'd prefer i'd prefer no this this shit is stupid it has two screens it has one for a ace for temperature control an entire screen for temperature control and a separate smaller screen oh no i'm looking at do you have do you have quilted seats or not i don't even know probably but i don't like that either that's fussy that's grandma shit i don't want quilted seats What? I don't want that. I want ostrich. Quilted seats is so sick, bro. No. I mean, it's fine. I don't think about seats at all, really. Except for lumbar support, of course. I never thought about seats once, bro. Okay. Little Chrissy wants to be high up king of the road, and that's all that really matters. Okay. That really is all that matters. That really is all that matters. So I'm happy to be. But the point of this story is that they're not going to keep the Q7 up front, to say the very least. Okay. The Neiman Marcus will be flooded with, you know, Lambo trucks. Q7, small fish, big pond. What color did you get? You get baby shit brown? You get something nice? No, it's a silver. That's fine. I would say silver is better than white, but not better than black. I hate to say it. I don't want to be a poo-pooer, but I really don't like the Land Rover. I think 2002 was the last year the Land Rover looked good. Just to be clear, that's a Range Rover. Sorry, Range Rover. Because the Land Rover Discovery is the one I really want, but that is the most mom of them all. Right, right. And it might be the biggest, I think, like the way the top is. And maybe it's higher in the back, but I don't know. I don't care. So a Range Rover is a type of Land Rover. It's under the Land Rover. I think Land Rover is the parent company, and then Range Rover is that, and then Defender. They had a Defender, too, but that's the worst. I mean, the only thing that makes you look like a graphic designer more. Is a new defender or...

The other, the station wagon is a fussy little car for a man. Okay. That just says that you like Japan too much and that you like, you know what I mean? No, station wagon, that's pimp shit. Is there a way that we could weave this convo back into more of a lesbian demographic based on our guests today? I mean, I would say a station wagon. I guess we are talking about Land Rovers and station wagons. I would say a station wagon is really lesbian, actually. But we're not hauling, the only thing we're hauling is a Christmas tree. I ain't hauling shit except the suitcase, really. Okay, so Chris, he's interested in lumbar support. These lesbians, they're literally hauling. Lumbar from Home Depot. Yeah, yeah. None that we know. They wear Carhartt, but I don't know how much. She's going to finish that deck like the Navy. Finish the deck like the Navy. Yeah, our guest today is a longtime friend of the program, Robbie Hoffman, whose new special is on Netflix. But let's see if she shows up. She's confirmed twice, and it is on the calendar. But for some reason, I'm not feeling super confident this holiday season. You feel a little tickle in your – is it because she's a comedian? Is it because she's a woman? No, no, no. It's just because it's that time of year. You know what I mean? I feel like people are checked out. That's all. Yeah, where she's having a little Bailey's in her morning coffee at the cabin. It could slip her mind. That's all. That's all. But I'll text her. We'll see. All right. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts.

Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcast. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you.

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I lived with Seth Tolove when I first moved to LA, and she had the mini book. I want, if Moleskine could make even bigger than this, I like a full page. This is the biggest they have, the XL. And I'd love it in a different color. They only make black and blue in this. Where do you get the name embossing done? So this is $33, maybe $9. And the name is $8. Now, my name is too long. I would wish it was on one. But it's too long. And then it makes me feel for Indian folks or people who have really long names that they're shit out of luck because my name isn't that long. Imagine the Vivek Ramaswamis of the world, what they're dealing with, charging by the letter. Never mind people in my family, Menachem Mendel. He's not getting his name on one of these. So you'll see in 2025 I have the star embalmed and then they put out a charm. So I upped with the charm. The charm really has like a middle school thong. It does have a middle school thong vibe to it. Robbie, really quick, do you happen to have headphones you could throw on? Is that possible? Yes, I do. Give me a second. Okay, thank you. That way, when we're talking, we don't... It doesn't... drown out your audio so our listeners can really hear you okay because i have the ones i'm using old school iphones one that have the speaker right near me i mean you you could do that if you can give it a try the only issue is sometimes it brushes against hair and and the shirt and it'll get a little oh yeah yeah my hair is down my hair is down a rare a rare hair down moment for the holidays with robbie hoffman yeah it's not it's not uh it's not usual for you to have that right this is when my after the special my exactly there's robbie hoffman There's Robbie Hoffman before the special, and there's Robbie Hoffman after the special. I know. I'm glad you agreed to do this. I thought you might have switched up on us, even though we're day ones. No, I don't switch up on the fellas. That's one thing you don't do. Good to know. Quite literally. Quite literally. There's a few tags in that one, huh, Robbie? Yeah. Wow, we're cooking three minutes in. Bada bada bing it.

It doesn't take much. Yeah, your special is out. It came out last week. I was listening to the Tim Dillon podcast yesterday, and he mentioned going to a Silver Lake comedy release party instead of being invited to Conan O'Brien's holiday party. Which they were on. He's full of shit because they were on separate nights. Okay. Well, it was a really funny joke. Well, hold on. Hold on. Let me finish, though. Let me finish. Yes. And he mentions on that if he were. to be asked to go to Conan's party, then Rob Reiner would still be with us today. I agree with him there. I will give credit where credit is due. Because he has experience talking schizophrenic people down from the ledge. I agree. Which I think is a great way to make a joke. Comedians have to do that. So was that your party that he was attending in Silver Lake? I will say that if Nick Reiner, I'll address both, I will say that, I don't know if it's a good thing, but I think him and Nick Reiner would have gotten along. Yeah. Again, I don't know. I think, you know, they could have fucked with each other. I don't know if Tim wants to, you know. Yeah. So you said Tim would have bought him a few more days at the very least. Yeah. Tim and Nick Reiner could have fucked with each other. I could see that. That said, yes, it was my party. Yes, it was the night after. And Tim was lucky to be invited. I agree. All the bullshit he's doing. And there's some other people, some sensitive. You know, I walk the line. I walk the motherfucking line. We got people who are politically inclined, who are, you know, into activism and performative online, whatever. And we have the Tims and everybody came to the party. And like he said, we made it happen. I think Tim may have felt more fake with people because a lot of people didn't know him. But I was happy for people to get to know him. Right, right, right. And it starts at the small talk, unfortunately. I would have liked to see something go down, a little standoff of some kind, you know. I think that would have been fun for everybody. It seemed like he was a little uncomfortable being in that environment. And he mentioned it being a Silver Lake rental. Yeah. And, you know, he was throwing some shots. He was throwing some shade. It sounded like he was very fish out of water, uncomfortable.

behind enemy lines a little bit. And by the way, no, he's content farming because the apartment, first of all, I hope to rent forever here. Thank you. Okay. You don't think I have a house elsewhere? I'm not buying in this fucking state that's about to be in the water. You're thinking about the future. I'm thinking about the future. I don't know how to fix anything, and it's a beautiful rental, and he loved the rental. He's very two-faced. You know how gay men are. Right? For the content. No, no, no, no, no. You know. It's like pushing, pushing, pushing. But he's a doll off camera. And he knows I don't care if he pops off or whatever because that's what the gays have to do. They've been doing it forever. I think I like that. And then when they're there. It's very, you know, we respect each other, but we all play a little harder. You know, when all the dogs are in the dog park, we play a little rough. We get along. Listen, we're entertainers. I respect it. I respect the game. We respect each other. I myself, you know what it's so funny that every time I see Tim and I literally idolize and love him, I'm so nervous around him that I can't even be myself still. Really? I think he's the kind of guy for me, and I've told him this because we're friends, but he's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, I literally can't get comfortable yet. It'll take me two years. That's what happens when I really respect somebody and how they work. That doesn't bode well for us then because I feel like we hit it off pretty quick. Yeah, I wasn't so intimidated by the fellas. Well, when you say Tim is the kind of guy for you, what do you mean by that exactly? For friendship or something perhaps more? Oh, no, I meant like the kind of guy that where I look up and then I become friends with them. Like that doesn't happen so often. Right, right, right, right, right. I'm choking on this morning drink. I'm doing Brian Johnson's. I have his pink vitamin drink. You said my morning drink? Yes. It's a pink. It's supposed to have every vitamin that you need. You put one scoop of the powder. It's instead of taking like a. Bunch of supplements. I guess a multivitamin. Yeah. And it's called the Blueprint Longevity Mix. Yes.

Bingo is his name-o. Do you use one of those electric whisks, or do you just use this? I do, yes. I love it. Wow, that surprises me for some reason. That was the sell for me of the whole thing. Okay, makes it more fun. Yeah, was getting to use. So do you think that this powder is a bunch of bullshit? Is it some snake oil, or are you feeling longer? I mean, I don't like that it's a powder because it makes it feel like there's dust in my throat. You got to mix it with water first, Robbie. No, you do mix it, but it doesn't completely dissolve this one. I'll say my one thing. It's too powerful. It can't fully dissolve. It's not fully like dissolved like when you make like Minute Maid or something. Sure. Or if you use a nice Magna drip drop or liquid IV, those fully dissolve. No problem. Whisk free. Just give it a shake. Right. That's true, actually. No shade to Brian. What was the catering situation at your event, at your party? Walk us through the spread. What did he say? He didn't say anything. I'm coming to the source. By the way, he loved the catering, I'll tell you. He didn't mention, right? Well, I don't think he's ever not loved catering based on what I see. No news is good news for him on the food, right? Right? Tim, I hope you're fucking listening. I love you, you fucking asshole. No news is good news. Okay, did you, were you cooking? Arts, deli. Okay, wow. I did Konica. Okay. Right. So the whole night, my special was released, which not that Netflix had to be cute, but they came, they loved the special, and they, not for nothing, like they gave me a holiday day, a December day. It's very difficult to get. I mean, I was told, I never even thought of when they would put it out because I was just so grateful to be finally home. Right. You'll do Hitler's birthday if you get a Netflix special. You don't care what day it comes out. Oh, my God. That would be a dream. See, they didn't offer me that. I mean, look at the month was stacked. They had, you know, Matt Reif. The Jake Paul fight. Yeah, Ricky Gervais, Chappelle. And to give me a Sunday Netflix and chill night, it was just a really nice bode. I mean, for your debut special to get Netflix and chill on a Sunday night, they're confident in you. Yeah, it's really hard because they put their specials out. Matt Reif came out the first Sunday. I didn't think I was going to get.

a sunday you know i've heard of inaugural specials getting a tuesday on a slow week in the middle of the year you just don't know so when they were so it's that's been just such a treat that they've been taking care and enjoy and for real liking it yeah i was at something where um I was just standing alone. Also, probably liked him at the food table at some point. Not at my house. It's something else. And a guy came up to me and said, hey, it's Ted. And I was like, Ted what? And he said, Ted Sarano. And I'm like, if your name is Ted Sarano, you can't come up to people. You just can't approach anyone. They come to you. It's like now I'm stuck in a conversation alone with him. You got to kiss the ring whether you're in the mood to or not when Ted saddles up to you. He kissed the ring to me. Oh. Excuse me, Jason. Well, look, Robbie, you were a lot cheaper than Matt Reif, so he's happy about that. And Matt Reif made him a lot more money. So, you know, it's all fair. All is fair. All is fair. So then they said, and not only Holiday. We know exactly where we're putting you the first night of Hanukkah, which is cute. Netflix doesn't have to be cute. They don't have to be cute. They're sharks. They don't have to be cute. So I decided to go Hanukkah. So I had jelly donuts. I had the chocolate, like the chocolate coins. I had the menorah, you know, not just to have pizza or sandwiches. I wanted to get Art's Deli. It's an institution. I actually didn't know of it. Somebody I'm working with, I said I was going to get Cantor's, and she was like, Cantor's sucks. Not wrong. Good room, the food's not great. Yeah, well, you know, when my mother comes to visit, I bring her to Cantor's, and we've always had a wonderful time, but I was like, it fucking sucks, you're right. And she was like, Art's Deli, and so... I've never heard of Art's Deli, I'm also not Jewish, obviously, but... Studio City, old school spa. Studio City, yeah. I was going to do that, or Nate and Al's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No Langers?

Langer's didn't have quarter sandwiches. They only had full sandwiches, which I found aggressive for a party. Yeah, I agree. You know, I want people to be able to take a quarter of this, a quarter of that. We had all the sides. The dessert was phenomenal. Oh, and I had a full bartending service. Yeah, that's a really nice touch. I think that's undervalued in these situations. Well, I used to think it must be $6,000. Like, I went to somebody's rich house, and I'm like, you know, to me, I'm like, I remember clocking that. And I was like, oh, I'm going to do that one day. And you know what? They start at $300. Yeah, and they're hot too, right? Did you get a hot one? You can hire a bartender. No, he wasn't hot, but he was good. No, ours lived in a van, to be honest with you. He could have spared me the sob story. But anyway, I tipped him 100%. Wait, he literally did live in a van and told you this? What? He actually lived in a beautiful van, but he's a touring bartender. Like a mobile dog washing service. And by the way, Tim was adult, too. He ordered Siggy's for the whole party. I totally forgot about Siggy's. You mean cigarettes, not yogurt. Yeah, what's yogurt? There's a brand. S-I-G-G-I-S. Oh, shit. Chris is making a little yogurt joke. Risky. Yeah, that's for all our probiotic heads out there. Gotta respect it. Yeah, so by the way, just to close that out, Tim was the only one uncomfortable because he's made an ass out of himself and everyone, which is fine and I respect it. Everybody else had a great time with each other. Yeah. And by the way, the party continued. You know, some of these people were not industry and I know Tim doesn't like unless you're not elbowing. You got to be Elon Musk for him to have a good time. A lot of these people are just cool people. But that said, I love him. I respect the game. And he's two-faced like every other gay fag I know. How late did the party go? Well, you know, there's always like the after party to the party, which is almost the best part. The people, you know, your closest friends will stay around. Never mind that my brother Shmuley and my sister-in-law Mariana were staying with me. So you're saying Shmuley was asleep. No, he stayed up.

Okay. I'm just saying that some of my family were staying with me, so it even elongated. People felt comfortable to stay long because people were just really staying with me. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question, Robbie. You're doing pretty well now. What about putting them in a hotel? Have you considered that, or do they want to stay at your house? They want to stay, yeah. That's a problem. No, we don't. By the way, a hotel, my sister Chaya was in a hotel. She's allergic. I have a little cat. But, no, we love to hang out with each other. And we would not. a hotel if I didn't have space, but like you said, I'm doing well, and they're welcome to stay. It was beautiful. By the way, when Tim says rental, he didn't... He didn't mention how many bedrooms. He didn't mention what kind of... And by the way, I would want to follow up. I may call him and get it on the record how nice the fucking place is. The fellas, if I had you guys over, I think you'd be very impressed, and I think for our next one, I'd love to get a full rundown. If you guys are in LA, I want to see... What you guys think. It'll be the HLG AD room tour. I love that. Exactly. That's what I want, Jason. I'll get a small camera crew out. No big deal. That's what I'm asking. Thank you. I think he was just, you know, he was negging your home to better his joke, you know, and you know what time it is, and it's all good. I was thinking about when he was mentioning if he got invited to the Conan party, Rob Reiner would still be with us today, and how. I agree. But every tragedy like that or the first person to make the Rob Reiner joke, the first person to make the 9-11 joke, the first person to make the school shooter joke or whatever, it's a dangerous game. It's very risky, and I applaud people who take those chances. A hundred percent, and I'll say this. Him and Nick Reiner would have been besties. Yeah. Okay? You know who he wouldn't have been uncomfortable around? Nick Reiner. You know who he would have had a great time to get a party with? Nick Reiner. I mean, imagine if Tim was there and he was playing defense so Bill Hader couldn't get over there and Nick would still be with us. It's so funny. You know what was the funniest thing? So Tim tells me, I'm so nervous around Tim still because for all his bullshit, I respect and love him so much and I can't help it.

It is what it is. And I was so touched he came because I did tell him on the phone. Like, he called me. He's like, who's going to be there? And I had to sell him. I'm like, we're going to have Art's Deli. I have a bartender. Like, you open with Art's Deli with Tim. I was like, I have donuts. He's like, which platter did we get? Which platter did we get? And he said, okay, you're selling it. He said, you're selling it. Okay, so you don't open with John Early might show up. No, exactly. Exactly. I'm like. Hannah might be there. She might not. I was like, our Sally. Jelly donuts. He was like, okay, you're selling it. You're selling it. Troy Sivan, he's a maybe. We're still feeling it out. He said, okay, okay. I said, you're doing a really good thing. My brother Shmully will be there. Very excited. And so Tim is outside. He's holding court. He's doing great. Spacious backyard. Very. He tells me. That, oh, Rob Reiner just died or whatever. But he says, but keep it low. Keep it low. Immediately, I'm retarded. When I hear, like, don't touch something, I touch it. I have all of those instincts. So I right away announced to the table outside, which was like maybe a fifth of the party was outside at this point. So a smaller group of the larger group, that Rob Reiner. And my brother was one of the people. And then we decided not to like ruin everybody's night by sharing this because we were just, we had a great special and the food and it was really, so I was like, because he told me, don't tell anyone. Like Tim actually wanted the, you know, he wanted, he's very professional at these. And I'm like, immediately I told. And my brother the whole next day was like, could you believe Tim Dillon told me Rob Reiner died? That's how I found out. It made my family's entire trip. that they got to find out Hollywood exclusive from... They got a taste of life behind the curtain. Exactly. And they got to hear about a death before most of all their friends learned about it back home. Exactly. It is. So your family is aware of the comedy space. They know who Tim Dillon and other players in the game are. Yeah, I think for me, they've been more educated on the comedy space. I mean, they know probably classic comedians. I don't know that they're like...

so up to date with everything happening, but certainly my brother. Your brother knows that Bo and Yang left SNL, something like that, right? Oh, yeah. What happened there? Do you have the tea on that? I was going to call someone and find it out. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code how long to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Hi Talk House Network listeners, it's your old friend Nels Klein from Wilco here. Wilco is touring this summer and we'd love to see you somewhere on the road. We're playing shows this June and July in Rochester Hills, Michigan, Chautauqua, New York, Lafayette, New York, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Vienna, Virginia, Forest Hills, New York, Portland, Maine, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Memphis, Tennessee, La Grange, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina.

Virginia Beach, Virginia Wheeling, West Virginia and Columbus, Ohio plus there are even more dates some with Willie Nelson that I didn't even mention here so please go to wilkoworld.net to see the full list of dates we'll see you on the road this summer study and play come together on a Windows 11 PC and for a limited time college students get the best of both worlds Get the Unreal College deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last. Ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC. We don't have the tea, but I can guess. What are you guessing? That he thinks he's going to be a movie star, and he doesn't need that anymore. Oh, that's what I think. Yeah. Okay, I think he probably got a huge role. I mean, is Wicked not a huge role? You're saying something bigger? Oh, right. He's on Wicked. His Bertheim movie that's in development, I don't think is going to really bust the box office down. What is that? What is that movie? Apparently, he's developing a movie where two... Jason, is it two gay guys that can't get in? Or is it just they go? It's him and Matt from the podcast. They... are producing a film that was based on a story from Reply All, the podcast from our friend. Whereas, yeah, it's about two guys trying to get into Bergheim, the classic hard-to-get-into techno club in Berlin. So maybe because he's putting on the PGA hat, I need to really focus in. And I know stars on SNL will ask Loren, hey, I need to film this. Can I take this time off? And he famously always says no. And, you know, makes people go work over the week, you know, you go film on Monday and Tuesday, come back and into the table read. And maybe Bowen just said, fuck it. Yeah, well, I think Bowen, yeah, is a really, really preeminent star on that show. I think he's just phenomenal. And he's been there a while. I'm wondering, to me, the only hint, I'm sure they were on borrowed time with him because he's been such a success.

And I don't fault him at all, and it's a grueling schedule, and he could probably have more of his own schedule at that fucking level. But I think that something must have happened mid-season. My thing is he got some big deal. Maybe the movie. I didn't know about his development, but maybe that got huge financing. Or another thing we don't even know about that was a conflict that he was like, I have to say yes to. I'm sure he's got multiple offers and projects and things flying around. My theory was all of that. I agree with all that. But also, SNL has sort of, in the last year, it's just been really bad. Like, he's not this amazing talent that has to carry the show. I think it's like everyone else is just doing such a bad job. Well, also, it's 50 years. Like, I think 50 is a good time to end it. Like, 50 years with a guy. Like, it's kind of like, remember when Ellen, she signed three more years. I'm telling you. There was a darkness. People don't listen to Hashem, to whatever it is. It doesn't have to be. It could be the forces. I know she's connected spiritually. She likes mediums and stuff, so it is shocking. But that three years was a bit of a tug, and she got the money grab that she jumped on. But she didn't need or desperately need it. I don't know what you're talking about. She desperately, she's overextended. I went from $467 million to $476 million. Yeah, awesome. Exactly. At what cost? Yeah, and during that time, it combusted. It's kind of like we're now on the line with going over. It's now at a fever pitch, 50 years. Now it's like 51, 52. You know, it feels like... Those are decidedly less exciting. Well, I think that people are giving Bowen a lot of shit, but he said on the last episode of SNL, I want to go out on top. Yeah, smart. That's the most admirable, smart thing to do. He seems more like a bottom to me, but I guess... Well, that was the joke on the show. Ariana Grande made the same joke, but he is going out on top. But it hit with Chris and hit with...

chris with me on this time jason so you lose i like but he he's he's on his last episode the gay guy from snl arm in arm with ariana and share yeah there's no and they're crying that is going out on top and most people on snl never go out on top true i will say this i will always respect bowen yang for one incident has nothing to do with anything of his career but his character your audience probably remembers i was also the breakout model of 2022 or 2023 New York Fashion Week. Oh, yeah. Okay, thank you, where I was featured in Vogue and a bunch of other really nice outfits. For your runway work. For my runway work as a model, I was modeling The Real Real and wearing Susan Alexander at the world-famous comedy seller show. That's where I first saw you. Thank you. Thank you. There was an after party, like the Vanity Fair or the New York Fashion Week after a party. And it was a big party that I kept saying the whole night. People were like, like Kate Berlant and all these cool McCool were like, are you going to the after party? And I wasn't on. Like I said, I never got like, I have no invitation to this. And nobody's like, oh, you'll come with me. Like nobody. Nobody's like, oh, you're not coming. We'll fix that. No, exactly. Like that didn't happen. So I was just going to go to the subway home. And then I decided I was like, I was walking because we were close to where the party was. And I was like, I'll just walk by. I just want to see it. You know, I never as a comedian part of fashion week, this and that. And I go and everybody's going in the security. And I was going to go to the subway. And then I see. Sarah Sherman, lovely. But Bo and Yang with Celeste and a bunch of people. But it's so many people are there. So I'm just walking by. I just don't even, you know, I don't really even know him. Obviously, in the realm of comedy, I've heard of him. Whether he's heard of me, who knows? And he goes out of nowhere. I think he sees me walking away or something. He goes, Robbie. And he pulls me into his crew. It's literally.

crazy so i'm like oh i i don't think i got an invite to the um after party and he talked to the he was like she's and he not only that when we got in without any fanfare got everybody their first round i like couldn't believe the generosity well it was an open bar but still it was nice for him to go get no it wasn't i don't think it was chris i don't think it was and by the way Could pull just another comic, him recognizing. So Bowen Yang, an uber mensch is what you would say. I think that's an uber. And kind of, there was such a car fuffle of people there. It was really busy. So it's like. Jack Antonoff's there. Renee Rapp's there. Literally. Bowen parts the Red Sea. Get out of here. I want Robbie in now. Yeah, and nothing. I hung out with everybody. My friend Anna Fabrega was there. Lots of people were there. And it's not like I had to thank him all night or he's one of these. He's like, go have fun. I don't give a fuck. I do like that. That's a nice thing to do. I hate to admit it. I hate to admit it. Yeah. This holiday season, be a little more like Bowen, huh? One more incident where I had the exact same story, but it happened maybe six months later. At SNL. I was watching Rami's SNL. I wanted to go see it. And I'm friends with Sarah and Marcelo, friendly with some of the people on SNL at this particular cast, even though they're both on there. Michael Longfellow and Devin Walker. So I got to go to SNL, which is really, really fun and cool. But then they have the after party after party. And I brought my friend Trey, who's a comedy seller comic who. I was like, I'm going to SNL. Just come with me. Wait, actually, I don't even think this was the Rami one. I think this was Dave Chappelle. The story is so name-droppy, so it's almost not worth it. No, no, we live for that. That's fine. Just to show you the bench of this. So we go to the after party. We're not on it. Shane Gillis goes, Robbie, come in with us. So he got, and I said, can Trey come? And he goes, oh, fine. And the same thing he got us in.

So I'm just saying I don't know these people well, but anybody who pulls me up who's at the top, I try and do that, and they do it. It just bodes so well to the character. That's how it should work. I agree. I agree. It pays well to be the comedian's comedian, and I think the long story short is everyone in this town is on your fucking dick right now, huh? Yeah, but they weren't. This is when they didn't have to be. This is pre-dick. This is pre-dick. Thank you. Thank you. They didn't have to. The real heads knew to be on your dick early and often, though, and now the rest of the world just catching up. Or just a real mensch. Or it's like, who cares? First of all, I'm small. How much room am I taking up at a party? Physically, you mean you're not taking up a lot of space. Yeah, exactly. Okay, yeah, yeah. No, I'm certainly annoying. Yeah, Renee Rapp's got the shoulder pads on. They're coming out. She's turning around knocking drinks over you. Not so much. I'm svelte. I'm in the corner. I'm having one Coors Light. I'm not running up a tab. Speaking of Svelte, are we still hitting Equinox? No. What happened? But you know what? They're still charging me. Oh, so you're saying you gave up, but they didn't. I'm literally in a war with them. It's insane. You've got an email here. Then I said I've emailed. I filled out the form. No, Robbie, if you want to cancel Equinox, you have to tell them you've moved to a state where one doesn't exist, or they will find a way to keep you. So you have to be like, I moved to Little Rock, and there's nothing they can do. It's insane. insane i might have to to like i might literally have to do that they keep you locked in over there so why why why did we stop going did life get in the way life got in the way i'm on tour a lot i was filming a lot like i'm just i'm quite literally not wasn't around now i am around but i'll tell you what we did i got a treadmill and i have a little bench with six weights because that's really all i was doing okay was a little bit of weight And 12, 3.30, 12 incline. Yeah, I do that, too. I do my little hot girl walk, too, Robbie. Yeah, exactly. So what am I doing at Equinox? Well, you're people watching. That's what you're doing. No, I love the steam that I miss. Yeah, I mean, I miss the steam at Equinox as well. I don't go to the Equinox anymore. I switched to Pilates instead, so that's my excuse. No, no, that's way too boring for me. What does Gabby do?

Gabby does 12, 3, 30 at Planet Fitness. Planet Fitness. So you own a treadmill? You got your chick at Planet Fitness, Robbie? Come on now. I don't know. She likes Planet Fitness. She goes in. Nobody knows her, and she goes out. Damn. If I had my chick at Planet Fitness, I'd be getting some feedback from the homies saying that I'm not. When are you going to start letting her use your treadmill? No, she likes my treadmill. I mean, I've never used my treadmill. She's the only one who's used it. I just stopped this, and by just, I mean like four months ago. But for the record, your body still looks good. You're not gaining weight or anything. Yeah, you know, I'm a mobile person. Can we just discuss this for a second? I am on the move. You're walking around. You're pacing. Your hands are behind your back. I am through airports. I am on the bus. I am on the subway. I am walking and moving. I am on stage for an hour, and I'm not static on stage. Yeah, we call that ambient exercise. You're known for your physical comedy, so I do see where you drop down and give them 20. Yeah, you're a stool fucker. You're humping that stool. Never once. Never once? Come on. Maybe special number two, you give one a little. You know I don't switch, Jason. It's that way. I don't switch with the fellas. The stool humps me. So I want to get into the nitty-gritty of this special stuff because I feel like a lot of people have these, and they're not good from what I can see. But I want to understand. I don't need any hard facts here, but let's talk about how the money works a little bit because I feel like I need to understand how the deals are structured. I'll tell you this. I thought you were going to talk about it being one of the greatest stand-up specials recorded in recent history, which I would say even if it wasn't mine. I'm just saying it because it's the truth. Of course. Look, Robbie, I watched it this morning doing my 12, 3, 30. That's not a joke, and I did love it, but I'm also familiar. I was going in knowing I was going to like it as a fan of the work. I'm familiar with the brand. Listen, I'm not going to throw anything.

Under, because if you put food on my plate, I will, for the day I die, respect it. Okay, so I will give it up to Netflix for putting food on my plate. That said, special shout out also to John fucking Mulaney, who you might both appreciate is a real man. I can't even tell you how much he's contributed to this, not only creatively, but... you know, by putting his name and putting his, you know, his weight behind it. But financially, financially, I mean, the song, I got to come out to the Cranberries. I thought a song. Okay, so we had $1,250. I said for 30 seconds of the song, let's just give them all. I said, give it. You got 1,200 set aside for the Cranberries and that wasn't enough? I said, give it all. You have to hear me on the call. I said, no worries. You're too kind. I don't even care about the credits. Give them all for the opening. That was my sense. And they were like, no, you don't understand. It's like, you know, $80,000 or something. And I'm like, no, no, no. Ask them if they'll take $12.50. Let them watch the special. And they're like, the bitches died. Like, there's nobody. Nobody will watch this. Yeah, yeah. Charlotte is not watching it and saying, like, I'm so moved by it, I'll give it to her. You're talking to a lawyer somewhere in New York. Yes, exactly. It's like an asset. Like, it's like part of a portfolio at a label or something. From the estate. And I'm like, have they? Mulaney calls me. He goes, the song is covered. I don't want to hear it. I'm a wealthy man. Wow. He's just. Not only that, I'm talking leading up to the special. He's like, if you want to jump on any of these dates. And by the way, this has been the most name dropping I've been. But the fellas like that. They're gossipy little bitches. OK, so you can cut. I don't want people. They came to me with the gossip from Tim. I didn't take it to this this route. OK, so all the listeners, please, if I come off, you know, I've been very insecure recently because I've been doing back to back press, which is my first time doing.

This pod, this pod, normally I really spread them out, but I realized how annoying, condensed. And I'm not known as the least annoying person my whole life. I've been annoying my whole life. I know this. And then when you add it, when you pile it on, and it's just, it's condensed like the Minute Maid can, and it's all pushed together, it's even more annoying. But please understand, I didn't want to be this annoying. They made me be this annoying. They came in with the gossip. He said if there are any dates you want to jump on and work on chunks or whatever. I'm doing a few stadiums this summer if you want to hop on and try out some new shit. Literally. So I go. Not only does he bring me out with fanfare and just just not only is my comedy the. Antithesis to his. Not only does it make his job harder. He doesn't come out and say, what's up, faggots? Yeah, when he comes out having to excuse what just happened. Really sorry. Really sorry. Yeah, he puts me up at the Four Seasons. I was going to check out of the Four Seasons in Austin. And I had my credit card. I feel so. So I had my little credit card. And I said, I'm checking out. And I put my card down for incidentals. I would like to. pay my incidentals because i ordered a coffee both mornings you know at the four seasons and you want to make sure you get the delta miles with the amex on those coffee no i just want to make sure that i don't leave a bill sure he's already paying the room and they said there's no charges i said no no no no there's charges i ordered coffee both times by the way if i'm honest with the side fruits i like a little fruit okay so okay a little fruit in the morning so kill you huh I don't want to be a pig, but I don't want to be a little pig, but a little citrus in the morning goes a long way. So there you go. Making Chris and Jason laugh is maybe my favorite thing. Oh, my God. Chris is my favorite. The mandarins are in season right now, so it doesn't make sense. Yeah, no. So I ordered a little fruit, and they're like, no, it's all covered. I guess he checked out, and they take the whole pill. And I said, no, remove the charges.

And put them on. He's not also paying my coffee when he's paying this. He called me. Robbie, I'm a wealthy man. Thank you for joining me on tour. Like, he's just class like you can't imagine. I just haven't seen that in a minute. And I know you fellas appreciate. Of course. Not just class in terms of, okay, he wears a suit. He's married to a baddie. He's a father. He's, you know, been through some real shit and overcoming. But just. Class and character, just the way he carries himself. Yeah. Class and character. The story he told about being on Coke for so long that he went to SNL to get a haircut when he didn't work there anymore is one of the all-time great stories I've ever heard anyone tell. I think about it all the time. He's unbelievable, his unraveling. Okay, well, you said that he was very important with getting the special main. So that's why it's tough to talk about money because it's different for everyone. I guess some people know music costs. I don't. You know, I don't think they even shared the final budget with me, to be honest, because I was like, what if we could we have this? And they're like, well, here's the budget for this. And I'd be like, and then I would get a call that it was done or something. So, you know, I was very spoiled. I think Netflix really liked the hour, you know, and I'm not somebody who has an hour. They're like, oh, can we get the hour before kind of like I'm always working on new stuff. And when we film, that will be what it is. And they came and I was told they don't come to all of them and they don't watch them all, especially on inaugural or, you know, I'm not a household name. I'm just lucky to be invited. As you see from the theme of this episode, I'm just literally lucky to be invited. So the fact that they pushed, that they really took care, everybody did. So I know it is different for everyone, Chris, so I don't have the numbers on that. And thank God I don't because, yeah, I just think if I was limited by knowing, oh, we have this much for that, I don't know what lights fucking cost. And I don't want to know. To be honest, I don't fucking want to know. And we haven't even got into the union.

The union workers, you know, they always... I don't look at the union workers. I don't talk to them. I don't know them. No eye contact. No eye contact. I'm just praying to God they're being paid, and I have a feeling they're not always. So I just walk to the stage, my head down, and do what the fuck I have to do. Wait, what city was it? L.A., baby. It was L.A., okay, okay, okay. Was there, you said Mulaney... Helpful financially, creatively. I'm sure he gave you a lot of direction and advice. Was there any note or direction he gave you that you chose to ignore? No, he didn't give direction in that. I think people mistake directing television or film with reality or unscripted. You fellows have probably seen a live taping of maybe a late-night show or maybe something unscripted. Craig Kilborn. Okay, perfect. There we go. So the director is really doing a lot of technical stuff that I have no idea about. For instance, you know, the five cameras. He's going camera one, camera two. He's capturing the entire room. If it was just me filming it without a director, I'd have my iPhone on a little tripod in the back. Call it a day. You know, he's got lighting. He's got the sound. He asked me things like, yeah, having a speaker on stage or not. I had no, like, it's its own craft. directing in terms of the technical know-how of camera, lighting and sound and mixing that all, and really having to direct more of the technical people. There's like 30 people under him where he's going, push into camera B, push into camera. I don't really know how to, you know, I just, I'm on the stage. So he gave me no notes. He just was like, you do what you want to do and I will capture it all. It's all trust. Yeah, he just, and I felt like that's a style of directing too. I think had he come in, it would have felt like early on when Fallon's, and shout out to Fallon, I'd love to do Fallon. I hate that this is the example, but they said, you know, Fallon, if you could send five minutes of a clean set to Fallon, you know, they'd have you on a stand-up. And I think we sent in and they said, oh, could she do this like this? Could she do this like this? And I said, probably not.

Like, once you hit play, once you hit we're rolling, I'm probably going to say whatever the hell, and you fellas have had me on your show. There's not going to be a prompter that I'm going to be reading. Like, it's just not even. Fallon's going to want you to play beer pong. You're going to want to do your jokes. It's going to be a tough one. Exactly. I'm just not able to. Can you juggle? Is there a hula hoop? I'm not able to stay in that line. I'm kind of just going to do me, and that's what's going to have to get us there because I'm not able literally to. to not i won't you know i just so yeah maybe it took us a little longer but then a netflix comes around and they go you say whatever the hell you want we'll capture it so i i think if i had gotten notes i just think he knows that he just we just totally trust each other on the stand-up front yeah and i think when people this happens in other industries a lot with chefs or whatever there's a young rising person You can either let them destroy you or work with them, bring them into the fold, and maybe one day make money off of you or have you be a part of the team. It's a real sign of respect that somebody's helping you out like that from such a high position. Yeah, I think he's also a man in terms of he's not desperate. He's moving into direction, and he's a really good director because he knows when to. input and when you know like he's a really professional director and he's also acting and right like he's totally comfortable well he has nothing to prove at this point as a man yeah like he's just totally generous comfortable he's got a baddie he's got his kids like i don't know he reminds me of like he's just a totally secure man which you don't really see all the time it reminds me when i far between when i was on john mulaney's live show for netflix When I was a guest, it reminded me Andy Samberg was the same way. I was popping off, running my little mouth as fucking usual. And Andy Samberg just let me have it because he knows I need it. You know, I need something. You know, they're already there. They can relax a little. I'm still hungry. Yeah. Are you the first person to vape on live Netflix television? I guess I am. I didn't even realize, you know, for that segment they did tell us he was taking a call.

I thought we were not on – they made it seem like – and then he'll be doing a – they told us nothing. Right, right, right. But except the segments. Like, you're going to come out. Okay, so fine. And then he'll take a call. I said, oh, he's taking a – as soon as he took a call, I said, he's taking a call. They did tell me that. So I was relaxing. The audience laughed and picked up, but I didn't think we were on camera. You thought when the call happened, the director went, camera three, no more Robbie time, and then you could hit that summer apple. That's what I'm saying. They made it seem like, by the way, you guys can relax. He'll take a call. Then we'll come back to you. So that's what happened. Yeah, what flavor is it? Because it did make an appearance in the special as well. Kiwi lime. Oh, wow. You're a real fun one, aren't you? Yeah, kiwi lime. I mean, they're not making it anymore. I've quit vaping. That was the last of it on the special. Just regular cigarettes now? Occasional ciggies. And then that's it. Yeah, they don't make flavored vapes anymore. I can't do the tobacco. Oh, in California, I forget. Yes, I forgot, I forgot, I forgot. There's the whole law. Yeah, the tobacco, it's like not tobacco. I'd rather a ciggy, honestly. Do you think that now that you've hit this moment in your career, you've been doing it for a while, do you think that being Canadian has been helpful or has it been good or bad for your career overall? I don't care. It's just the best. I love being Canadian. Okay. You know, I'm a dual citizen. I used to love, it's funny, when I moved to Canada, I was such a power American. Born in New York. You know, my father always told me Canada was full of pussy bitches. You know, he was always insulting Canada. And then I realized, like, oh, like, Americans are, like, it actually is better in Canada, minus the weather. But even then, I like the cold. It's funny. I'm trying to convince my wife to go. I really want to go to like the Yukon or. Even Alaska. I love like a winter cozy trip. Something I really am nostalgic about. No chick wants to do that, Robbie. Sorry. No chick wants to do that. I know. But you got the cabin here, right? I do. I do. And we get snow. But it's not the same. It's not that. Bro, I've met Gabby three times and I'm telling you she only wants to go somewhere where she can be in a bathing suit. Exactly. She's like, can we go to Sandals? She'll literally pick the worst. She's like, I'd rather go to Sandals than go to some high-end retreat in Jacksonville.

Literally. You want to see a moose, and we need to find somewhere in between the two. Like, bro, I'm talking, I want to be ice fishing. I want to be maple sapping. I'm telling you, I want to be a whole. You want to be sleeping inside the cavity of a dead yak. Yes. Robbie, no chick that you want to have sex with is going to want to do that. That's the problem. Well, I might for my birthday. I'm working into it. Oh, if it's your birthday, then maybe you have a little more power. I don't know. She took me for my birthday this year. Actually, I felt like the bachelor. I felt like I got the one-on-one. She took me shopping. She took me to this really cool consignment shop that I love in Toronto that I remember when it was like... Oh, was it VSJ? Yeah, VSP. Very close. Oh, VSP. I'm sorry, VSP. Legendary. Even I've made a purchase there. Yeah, and they had a little curated rack for me. And like they had some champagne and she had a cake and she said, buy whatever you want. And I got a shirt. Damn, she tricked off. That's a classic trick off is what we would call that in the business. Yeah. And I love that birthday, too. But it's not to say I wouldn't love a real cold plunge and a sauna. Up in the Yukon. Wow. Okay. Wow. That's a really nice birthday. I would suggest maybe a good compromise in Santa Fe, New Mexico. They get snow. It's wintry. No. They got 10,000 waves, which is a Japanese spa. So you can do the hot plunge, the cold plunge in the snow. And it's an hour flight away. Really? Beautiful Japanese restaurant there as well. Okay. Wait. Wait. That's actually amazing. I'll send you the info. Okay. Wait. At first I was no. But please send me the info. She's also from Colorado mostly, so I'm like, I like the Aspen, but I can't breathe over there. That is one of the downsides of Aspen. You've got to get the oxygen. I have the oxygen. No, I do, but it's crazy, the oxygen. It used to never affect me. Well, this is what happens with age. Things start to challenge us. It's your popcorn lung is likely picking up. I think it's vapor-related. Yeah, you're not helping the matter. You're not helping at all. It's true. What are you going to do for Christmas? I know you are a Jewish person, but where are you going to celebrate? We're doing nothing. Get a little Genghis Cohen delivered to the house? Hit the edible? Oh, that's good. No, no, no. This is the first Hanukkah in years. I feel like so.

Where I did, I lit the menorah every single night. Like, I haven't been home. This will be my third Christmas, and I fuck so hard with Christmas. Like, since hearing about Christmas, I'm like, Konica who? I don't give a fuck about Konica. Since hearing about Christmas. Man, this Christmas shit is crazy. Y'all weren't playing with me. I never really looked into it. We were never, even the Jews were like, there are like secular Jews. Like, we had no Christmas. Like, zero. no tree of course not like no even mention like we just did not literally nothing no jingle bells nothing so now i'm like really into it i love a gift under the tree i don't think anything can beat a gift under a tree it's such a the tree and the present everything about it I fuck with. Wow, that makes one of us. Maybe I should try to discover Hanukkah at 43 and change my whole life. No, it does not hit the same, I will tell you. The presents feel a little smaller. I don't like that. There's a couple moments on the special I want to bring up before we go. Thank you. I, too, am a hard towel lover. I hate a soft towel. They're absorbent. It's a sponge. It's perfect. You had a bit about putting the lard. Two large item in the small bathroom trash can. It kills me. We all have a moment in our life where we stopped doing that. I wanted to know what age you were when you stopped putting two large items in the small trash can. Probably 17 when I moved out. When I moved out of my house, so we live like animals, okay? Yes, the roaches, the pack ratty mess, you know, a million kids in a room. And then when I moved out, you know, I was very influenced by hip-hop videos like Usher or R&B or even the Nelly where it's like they're going on a date and everything's fresh and clean. Like they had the white towels. Like, you know, I don't want to like – but it's like they had the white towels and the big white bathroom. Everything is chrome and white and clean. It's crisp. It was something like –

You know, like one of these hip-hop stars would, you know, Omarion would get out the shower. Okay. And it's like he was fresh. Yeah, Maybach O stays fresh getting out of the shower. He washed his ass. He got in there and did everything. Yeah, and he just took a white, fresh out. And so I realized early on, and I was living in a really, at the time, crappy area Verdun in Montreal where I moved out. My apartment was $4.35 a month. I just thought if I keep neat, like, I'll feel ten times richer. That's real. That's real. It doesn't matter how poor I am. Like, my apartment was, you know, maybe 400 square feet, maybe 300 square feet. And it was drafty and cold and, you know, whatever. But your tank tops were clean. Everything. The wet beaters look good. My grandfather bought me Recipe City. He bought me a used washing machine and dryer set. Because he said, you can't be going to the laundromat. He, like, gifted me that. And I just, my sister gifted me, and this is such a great gift, and I encourage all people for a housewife. She was our older sister. Every time anybody moved out, she got us, like, a set of sheets or a set of towels, which is so kind. Actually useful. Actually useful. Yeah. Great gift. Yeah, and I just had two white towels. I kept them white. I washed them separately. And I kept. everything neat i had no things almost i kept nothing you know i don't because i was coming from a house where there was too much yeah because you there had to be even if everybody had nothing it's still a tiny house full of 11 people and their minimal stuff that's just math so yeah i just i think at seven i think when i started keeping neat as an exercise and it really I think I just, yeah, I stopped doing with the trash. That's the name of your first book. Keeping Neat has a nice Robbie ring to it. Well, Chris has last year or was it the year before? Maybe we should get you this gift for the holidays as a congratulations for a special. There's a very nice trash can that Chris has. Oh, yes. Robbie. What is it? It's a German brand VIPP. It's the best trash cans in the game. What is it?

Unfortunately, the small one's going for $500. What? So basically, it's a small trash can that you would have in your bathroom, but it has a very heavy bottom base. So when you press on the little foot lever to open it, it stays still. It's amazing. It's like the G-Wagon of bathroom trash cans. No, no, no. I don't want to press. It's already done. I'm not pressing. That's too much work. I think you'll like the Vip. It feels so good. It's like closing the door of a Porsche. So you leave your trash in the bathroom open, tampons flying? Yes. Okay. Okay. All right. I have to go. I have a call. Okay. Love you both. Happy holidays. Love you both. We had a name for the episode, but I forget what it is. Something about invited to the party or... It was something. We just name it. We just name it after you. Don't worry. We're not like other podcasts. We keep it neat. Robbie Hoffman on tour. Robbie Hoffman on Instagram. Thank you all. Robbie Hoffman's Netflix special, Wake Up, streaming now. I love you both so much. We love you so much, Robbie. Okay. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. All right. Thanks, Robbie. Later. Summer is here, and Kroger is your destination for hot savings. Find unique items at low prices with a wide assortment of products from our exclusive brands. Fire up the grill with cookout classics like burgers and brats, and don't forget delicious produce like fresh melons. Or beat the heat with frozen treats while chilling poolside. Whatever your summer plans, Kroger makes it easy to enjoy high-quality, fresh food at affordable prices. Kroger. Fresh for everyone.