091. - Chris Black & Jason Stewart

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Jason Stewart. It is Sunday afternoon. It's probably the most truly perfect weather day today, you know, if we're autumn hive. I don't think it's going to go away tomorrow, though, but what a beautiful day in suburban Glendale. I agree. I'm sure it's pretty in the suburbs. It's pretty nice in the city, too. Yeah, there is a lot of... Armenian unrest going on in my neighborhood. Yeah, we talked about this a little bit. I don't have the full details, but it sounds like it's a pretty serious issue that they're taking to task in Glendale. Yeah, they're protesting the conflict going on where basically hundreds or thousands of Armenians are being attacked. It's a bummer. I feel bad for my comrades over here, but Turkey's coming in. Azerbaijan is coming in. It's kind of weird, though, that it's such a big thing that nobody is really, like not much of the news is covering it whatsoever. You don't really see anything about it. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I was going to say, because I see, at least over here, a lot of cars drive around with Armenian flags on both sides, et cetera, et cetera. But that's kind of what I'm, that's all I'm seeing kind of here. Definitely not on the news. Yeah, it's weird. Hopefully things work out over there to all of our Armenian bros going through it right now and babes. We have a lot to cover. We've had a whirlwind week of our spreading. Our spreading has continued to continue. No days off, as they say. And Jason, as you... As we try to approach herd immunity, there really are no days off. There are lives at stake. Well, Jason, creatives are the new athletes. Don't forget that. Yeah, so last night... We can start at the start. Last night, we were able to contact one Zach Bia to secure the 8 p.m. reservation Saturday night at...

The failing Delilah restaurant. I would call it more of an ultra lounge that is pivoted to a restaurant in these difficult times, but I think I understood what you meant. It is not an ultra lounge, though. Chris, I don't want to get into semantics with you, Chris, but it's not technically an ultra lounge. It is a... Look, if you go to Delilah... So for those of us who... listening who don't know, it is a restaurant that turns into a nightclub later on that Drake and lots of other celebrities frequented over the last couple years. Kylie and Kendall and everyone had birthdays there. it's a whole thing now it was our now it was our turn of course because how long gone how long gone we take you to the front lines of celebrity and influencer culture these other podcasts look at you from the sidelines jason and i are in the in the front lines literally actually risking our lives we are in the trenches eating at some of all some of la's worst restaurants because now that covid happened it's it's somehow funny to visit it's kind of like I don't know. It's like the Berlin Wall has crumbled and we're finally able to explore the other side of Germany of like, I guess I'll go to Boa Steakhouse. I guess I'll go to Delilah. You know, all these places where like a food fluencer like myself would never in a million years attend unless it was free, of course, but I would never go. You know, so like if you go to the Delilah website, their description of the restaurant is. Delilah brings a modern approach to the vibes of the Roaring Twenties with American cuisine and Art Deco characteristics. It's a luxury space, tastefully crafted, so you can repeat all three without skipping a beat. Drinking, dancing, and eating. Live performances and surprise acts with lounge-style bottle service following. So it's like a swinging kind of Great Gatsby feel going on. Cafe society energy, but then, you know.

Our bro, Rokta Khan, just plays a Cardi B song and living on a prayer. Hopefully, Rock is listening. What's up? But they would have Justin Bieber will come and sing a song with a jazz band playing, and people can dress up in a flapper-like uniform, I guess. I will say, when I did go indoors to the Delilah, the actual... Because obviously the dining takes place in the parking lot like all other restaurants right now. Well, yeah. Right now, Delilah Alfresco is popping off. When I wove through the inside, I did notice a small jazz-style drum kit against the wall. So it really is swinging in there, I think, when it's really a full twilt. You know what I mean? Full twilt. I also noticed that their decor seems to be a sunset tower. kind of stolen valor going on because like the... I would agree. Like the line drawing cartoon caricatures of people, you know, toasting champagne flutes and things like that. It's a direct bite from legacy Hollywood establishments like The Tower. But more importantly, you know, obviously the food was not good. Obviously it was very expensive. The chicken tenders on the menu were $25 for attendees. Well, Jason, I didn't eat them, obviously, because I care about the animals on our planet and the future of us as a society. Dan, voice for the voiceless. Stand up. That's me. I did have a $22 double cheeseburger, not unlike a double-double that you would get at In-N-Out for $3.85. It was definitely not as good as In-N-Out, and it was $22. But every place like that, every expensive hotel, bar, burger situation, the burger is always a letdown, but the fries are always a massive nut. They're always A-plus fry-fry. I don't know how they do it.

The fries were indeed hitting, I would agree. But overall, what would you give the overall experience? Well, I mean, it has to start at the start. I'm getting ahead of myself. So we pulled up, and since it's an alfresco dining experience, there's... We pulled up in front, and there was a line of people kind of queued up, ready to go. And I was like, this crowd's looking a little scrongé, as one might say. It looked a little, as you like to say, Jason, bridge and tunnel. It was a little bridge and tunnel, like my friends on the Great British Bake Off would say, a little rough and ready, as it were. And luckily... our friend Twin Coleman pulled us out of the Benz and said, no, no, no, we're around the corner. This is some type of nasty WeHo pop-up for people who work at content creation studios but aren't actually creating the content. Yeah, this is definitely a project manager vibe in this line. You know what I mean? Culver City project manager vibe. It's where... the the gays go but not the fun ones you know just like the regular ones there's nothing worse than that there's nothing worse honestly that's my least least favorite scene on earth but so yes twin twin pulls up looking great in a in a margela a black margela sweater um and some jeans anyway uh and then and then but no mask no mask of course let's not you know man let me set this let me set the scene margela hasn't made one yet And if they have, it's not available for purchase. But before we even get out of the car, I'm immediately delighted to see a gentleman is outside trying to get into, not Delilah, but trying to get into whatever this janky pop-up is, wearing a t-shirt that says, creatives are the new athletes. And this is being worn in earnest, full, you know, he believes in this, blah, blah, blah.

So I can't stop laughing already. It's already worth the trip. I don't even have a martini in me yet. I'm ready to get popping. And then while we're waiting, I Google, I just type in creatives are, and then my Google autofills immediately to creatives are the new athletes. And then I'm taken away to an assortment of images and different products that they make where they take the helvetica font and write creatives are the new athletes on on you know socks hoodies shirts hats swimwear sunglasses you know whatever it was there it felt it felt like a zazzle it felt like i mean it felt like there was it was there a throw pillow well that was i so i i stopped looking on the officially licensed merchandise website and then i smart you know tj likes to Any terrible phrase can be turned into a pillow and found on the internet pretty easily. That's usually my go-to. I was able to find the pillow, which I then posted to Twitter because it was just funnier than a shirt. The amount of people who didn't realize that I was posting this as a joke... It's staggering. That's alarming. And this goes back to the thing that you can't choose your followers. You know what I mean? You guys are unfortunately more dumb than we thought. I don't know what to do about it because then it's like, are all these people under the assumption that I posted this for realsies? That's what's keeping me up at night. I mean, it's not really, but I'm sad. That's why we have this outlet to clear the air on situations like this. When social media goes awry, we take to the airwaves and set the record straight. You know what I mean? That's what we're doing right now. Just to be clear, guys, Jason was making a joke about that pillow. He did not buy it. He doesn't think it's cool. He actually was making fun of it because it's not cool. That being said, after sleeping on it for a night, I am starting to believe that...

Creatives are actually the new athletes. When you really think about it, it isn't nonsensical. It's a pretty entry-level plane of thought, but now it's complex. It has layers to it like a fine wine. I would say that shirt, that spotting... That was all the aperitif I needed for yesterday's dining experience. That set the tone to enter the Delilah Alfresco dining experience, which took place, I believe, if you're on Santa Monica, Delilah has a nice facade out front. Logo prominently displayed, a giant custom-made rug with their floral logo. And then just to the left, of course... Could use the vacuuming, but we are in a pandemic. We're in a pandemic. But then just right to the left, there's a nice plot of concrete that is now has been turned into a dining room for Hollywood's young and sexy. Which obviously we, so our group obviously belongs to that. Just to clarify, the nice plot of concrete is a place where cars are parked, right? Yes, yes, yes, exactly. It's a parking structure, but a flat one with only one level. So it's a single level parking structure that, you know, various Eston Martins and, you know, gold-winged or Benzes could park there if one needed to. So my illustrious co-host, Jason, myself, friend of the show, Yimmy Yayo, friend of the show, Twain Coleman. It was a last night out. It was a boys' night on the town in WeHo, and we don't... Well, I wasn't going to mention Mikey because he was 40 minutes late, but I guess I will. And when we say boys' night, guys, don't get the wrong idea. It was a man's night. You know what I mean? There was no fucking funny business going on, okay? Like, you know what I mean. You know what I mean. All we did was, you know, I just talked about various home improvement projects I've been working on, and then the rest was just football, I'm assuming, right?

That's all we talked about, really, I think. I don't know. One weird trend that I've been experiencing with our novelty alfresco dining is everywhere I go, I guess Tim Dillon mentioned that he only wants to dine at corporate steakhouses. We're doing our own version of that because every place I go to, the only thing that I drink is martinis filled to the brim with blue cheese olives we know which is which is an odd through line that every one of these restaurants that i'm going to eat at for a goof or a prank all proudly you know it started off as a joke when we went to sunset tower and i was like First of all, I'm not going to allow you to throw the historic Art Deco landmark of the Sunset Tower into the same bucket as Delilah and Boa. Let's not do that. Sunset Tower is a great place to get a drink, but you should not exchange money for food products there. Look, Jason, we're not... because we're so starved for social interaction and to see other humans, none of this matters. We're not there for the food like we were at one point. We're there for the experience. You're starved for carbs. Luckily, sweetie, I always was there for the experience. So this letdown of food doesn't affect me. I'm Teflon. It rolls off. That's fair. That was a low blow dig, and I do take that back. But when we were there, I asked, what are your olive options when ordering a martini? Sort of has a joke, but also, you know, wouldn't mind to hear the answer. Hoping for a sweet little surprise from our British server, Jade. And Jade, and almost every place I go to now, I will ask that. It started off as a joke thing to ask, but now I'm glad I do because every place says, oh, we have regular olives and we have blue cheese olives. And Jade let us know that the blue cheese ones taste great.

And then when little Jason needed extra, she bought him a nice rocks glass full of snacking blue cheese olives to hold him over between his Caesar salad and his burger and fries. Because he was a little, his tummy was growling. Yeah, well, you know. TJ had too much liquor, not enough food. I did eat seven blue cheese olives yesterday. And they were the most, the olives were a little under. They could have been softer. They were a little too toothsome for my liking. But, you know, probably the most enjoyable meal or thing that I ate yesterday was, ironically, the only thing that was complimentary. But the french fries, mamma mia. But, you know, Delilah even fucked up the mayonnaise. Even their mayonnaise tasted weird. That is. I mean, but we look. So another friend of the show, Mikey MDC, he showed up. He was able to show up 40 minutes late. well you know he had a big day yeah he doesn't like to he's not used to working so i think he was pretty stressed out he showed up 40 minutes late but he looked great you know what i mean so basically our table was looking like motherfucking entourage in its prime i i would say jason yeah we were the only table that wasn't celebrating uh a persian birthday or wasn't like a side chick fucking somebody who is like a third string nba player there there are multiple fellas there wearing wearing like um kid cutty merchandise hoodies also i saw in tiny i mean i was i was i was feeling from my other tall kings but there would be guys wearing like you know like this mustard yellow you know, $1,100 hoodie. It was merchandise from the Kid Cudi-Kanye West collaboration, the ghost thing. Kid C ghost, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a grown-ass man, like a seven-foot tall guy wearing a Kid C ghost hoodie that like a middle schooler should be wearing, and then, you know, like some terrible, terrible luxury sneakers that don't fit him really, and then, you know, some jeans that start with an A and end with a Miri, and then... But he had a...

big thing with him you know what i'm saying he was still stunting his own little way but i felt bad for them because they were they were all sitting in a chair that was you know it it made them look like a little kid sitting in a chair and then that that also made me realize that that's what i look like when i'm sitting in a regular chair yep it did that is exactly what you look like and i would that was a little knock on on my self-confidence as i'm walking into the door of delight i didn't need that Well, we swagged through, though. You know what I'm saying? We came through. We were absolutely the best dressed in the building. There was some Hervé Legere bandage. There was some Amiri. There was some fucking Kids See Ghost merchandise. I bet there was some fucking church merch in there if we looked hard enough, but we didn't look that hard. There was probably some church merch. There was also a... There's a couple founders. Yeah, they're definitely a founder. A guy walked in, a pretty good-looking guy, a little thick, drinking a coffee at 9 p.m. from Starbucks, which I found. Yeah, he brought in the to-go coffee into a 9 o'clock ultra-lounge dinner reservation, which is strong founder energy. If I had a pussy, it would be dry as the Sahara. There's also a handful of extreme – the LeBron-style manicured beard but large, which as a person who – That's the failed founder haircut. As a person who unfortunately and admittedly had a large beard at one time in his life, I let that shit cook because you either got to go tight or you got to go raw. And you can't combine – you can't bring the straight razor and get the line on the cheek. That just ain't the look. So what year was it when you had long – Probably 20. 2011, 2012. Okay, so we're about a decade ago, and that's when you were appearing on various bear Tumblr pages, correct? That's when I had galvanized the bear community with me, yes. Yeah, and that's a relationship that you forged early in your career, and it's paid dividends, hasn't it? It has paid dividends, and that's why I always speak to my constituents directly, and that's why I'll continue to get reelected to office. And when some people accuse you of being a gay baiter, then you say, honey, I've been doing this since you've been in diapers.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. This is all I know how to do, to be honest. You've heard of Ruth Bader? Chris is gay, Bader. All right, so Delilah overall, though, I would say... I would go back in a heartbeat, absolutely. exactly we had some laughs everybody was in good spirits um i did enjoy the the french fries even i had a cheeky potato um yeah it's hard i'd like to try to figure out maybe maybe this can be some content for the subbie moving forward but like how how does one who like is a self-respecting food in uh enthusiast enjoy a dining experience at a place like this where food is is is playing second fiddle to the other situations because i would feel bad just going there and just drinking five martinis and getting like you know a side of french fries and they'd be like you know what bro like what we could have had some big ballers ordering the ribeye steaks here at this table, and you're fucking it up. I'm not comfortable in that situation. Well, Jason, the thing about you that I deeply love is that you're kind of up for anything. You're down to clown. You're okay to spend $100 to have fun even though you know it's not going to be up to snuff food-wise. You just understand. You just have to be able to compartmentalize that it's two separate experiences. Yeah, and that word experiences is really what it boils down to. what i mean uh i do know what you mean i just said i'm here to i'm here to invest in moments that are unforgettable not petty material items that will be thrown away next season. That moves us right into the fact that I want to thank Airbnb Experiences for planning that dinner for us. It was really cool. That new feature on Airbnb.com, I highly recommend it. Use Airbnb.com slash howlonggone20 to receive 20% off your first Airbnb experience. This is now giving me an idea, Chris. What do you got, Teej? We have a

a flourishing career on the Twitch network where we're streaming live once a week, Thursdays, 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific. Make sure to follow us and stay tuned. But this is a great piece of content where there are the Hollywood or the Manhattan where they do the Sex and the City tour or you do the tour of the Star's Homes. I see where you're going. We need to offer a service where... If somebody is in town visiting LA or visiting New York and they want to go to all of our spots, our Yelp-approved, so to speak, locations throughout this town, we will rent a nice sprinter. We'll have some Aguapana Mountain Valley chilled in the back. Of course. CB and I, we are mic'd up. with the little headset. As we see here to the right, we'll go to Delilah. We'll go to Erwan in Pacific Palisades. We'll go to all the hotspots. We'll throw eggs at Dover Street Market or whatever it is that we want to do. i think this could be i think we could charge we can put yeah we can put this on airbnb and i i feel like we could charge it we could charge upwards of five thousand dollars per head for that experience i believe yeah that's that's a five five top on your head no problem exactly and we will doing that all day long You will leave with a signed glossy 8x10 of Jason and I for your home or office. But what you'll really leave with, and what's more important, is unforgettable memories. Thanks to your favorite appointment television slash podcast personalities. Yeah, we will take a pic with you, absolutely. From a distance. Yeah, and you have to take it. The other thing is that, you know... Jason and I, we're fun to be around. You know what I mean? Some of these tour guides, some of these hosts, they're just serving you. This is a job to them. For Jason and I, this is a fucking lifestyle. That's the difference. I hate to be so bold, but sometimes they're quite often a seedy character who's potentially not the most trustworthy, unsavory person in town.

It could be someone that is potentially living on the fringes, if you will, like really in and out of weekly motels, could be dabbling with drugs and alcohol. Of all the years living in L.A., just cruising down Hollywood Boulevard and seeing the type of people who are involved in those tours, it's people that would definitely steal your wallet while you're taking a picture of Cameron Diaz's cat. without even thinking twice you know because this this also brings to mind jason that we've had a request recently to do a cameo style shout out we've had multiple cameo requests now so you know i don't want to get ahead of ourselves but should we should we you know just kind of take these requests on ourselves or should we actually join the cameo platform and give the people what they want like how do you think it should work well I mean, I think we'd have to figure out the ideal solution to what we do with all the thousands of dollars of profit that we'll be turning in every day from Cameo because it does kind of, you know, we would have to donate the money somehow. Why? I don't know. To me, you know, you have your digital panhandling hill that you're willing to die on. And this one feels odd to me to literally just. record a video of me saying like hey stephanie glad you're a fan happy birthday blah blah blah send and be done with it i i feel i would feel weird i'd feel a little icky as it were charging somebody you know and i'd be like all right well stephanie now just venmo me 30 please $30 minimum is $500. I don't want to do a lot of these. Minimum is $500. Look, if we do a minimum $500, I'll donate all the money to charity of my choice. Okay, of your choice. And is it going to be one of your organizations that you have found?

we have not the done to death projects uh foundation for children unfortunately is still getting worked out with the you know we're trying to get the 501c certification so it's it has been a lot of paperwork is there a name for this organ is it debt death for the kids what like what no no i i again the llc it's my team is working on that but for now i think we could give it to important organizations that are doing the work on the front lines yeah yeah that's awesome you know we're awesome dude so i think we could donate the money but yeah i'm i'm i think what we do to to you know so you and i are meeting halfway we charge 500 but all the money goes to charity instead of charging 30 and keeping all the money yeah yeah and it'll also sort of double as like performance art and also maybe a commentary on on the world today uh you know i've received i received an incredible cameo from mark mcgrath from um dylan uh from rebounder for my birthday where he he really went in and and like like dylan showed me what he sent him and mark really riffed on it in an impressive way right right the guy the guy's the cameo king but that's that's he is you know that's i think we talked about it another time but it's kind of like Mark McGrath, he's been working nonstop for the last 40 years, being in a band that made millions of dollars and then hosting television shows and awards and extra news shit. The guy has so much money. He's old. He's retired. He's hot. All he has to do is go surfing and then eat some bomb-ass fish tacos every day and have sex with his still-hot aging wife. That's all he has to do. But instead, he spends hours a week talking, you know, for what? The guy makes an extra eight grand that month or something? Jason, it's, you know. It sullies his legacy. No, it doesn't. What you're forgetting is, is that.

celebrities want to be loved and want to feel needed and when the music ain't hitting and the hosting hosting job is not fulfilling anymore you take it to cameo and you're told every day how great you are and you get paid for it and yeah it pays for your kids fucking horse riding lessons you're a weak motherfucker i mean i you know jason maybe if you were famous maybe you'd understand but since you're just a lowly podcaster it's not no no i i don't i don't i don't seek that level of fame it's toxic I want to change people's lives in a different way, not by being like, hey, Richard, I heard you like football. The Giants are good today. That's not doing shit. It's making people laugh, Jason. Mark got me fired up. I mean, I am ready to join Cameo. I'm ready to donate all the money. Not a bad little write-off, huh? no i think it's a great idea for us yeah i mean if i'm much like the president united states i'm trying to pay as little tax as possible so if if if if i can fake if i can fake like i'm doing something good for the world and also save myself money then i'll feel like a real celebrity and that's the goal that's really the goal here yeah when uh when when mr black is crunching those numbers come april we're gonna be glad we have a couple of those deductions yeah because right now it's like It's just a constant, you pay how much for this question. Right now, your accountant rips the glasses off of his head and says, this is how much money you spend on coconut water every month. There's enough coconut water to drown a fucking donkey every week. I'm going to send you this Excel spreadsheet with your expenses. I'm going to hang up the phone because I can't even talk to you about this. I mean, I'm his worst client, but I'm also his son, so he has to help me. It's a weird situation. You have noticed me, Papa. Yeah, yeah. It's real noticed me, Papa energy. Well, after we got home from Delilah last night, which was pretty late. Yeah, I'm still nursing a little bit of a hangover, I'll be honest. I feel great. We'll get into that later.

Well, actually, before Delilah, I went to a place called Sweat Theory and spent 45 minutes in the infrared sauna to prepare for Delilah, so I looked thin for the step and repeat outside. You did look good. Thank you, Jason. The good folks down at Sweat Theory, they hooked you up. So is the Sweat Theory infrared sauna the one where you wear the blanket, where they put the whole shit over you, or you just go inside of a box? No, it's a full box. Okay. Roddy Rich voice. It's the box. God. We're never going to hear a Roddy Rich song again. No, we're not. Yeah, you get in the box, you sweat, you take a quick cold shower. I can't stop thinking about you just telling this whole story in Roddy Rich voice. Sorry, I'll be able to block it out. I would try to do the Roddy Rich voice, but it's not coming to me. Anyway, so yeah, I did it. Okay, sorry. Big bars. Yeah, there is another, but you have seen the ones where you go and they wrap you up. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like that. I like to sit in the room, and yesterday, as a personal challenge to myself, after seeing Jason's incredible Sunspell meditation content, I was inspired. I was inspired to kind of be alone with my thoughts. Hashtag what moves you. hashtag what moves you shout out to ryan wilms and justin chung and the whole team over there at into the well uh but but so so i did it 45 minutes raw dog out of bag no headphones no music um and it was pretty good talking about bucket ass naked yeah okay good good that's the way it should be and then unfortunately halfway through my sweat session the couple next to me began to argue and They were listening to hip-hop in the sauna while they were arguing. That is a money-back situation. I would throw a full shit fit and be like, you guys got to give me my money back. You guys ruined my whole fucking day. That's like when you go hiking and you see the dum-dum with the Beats pill listening to fucking J. Cole while you're out in nature. One of my worst pet peeves in the history of pets.

I agree. I agree. So that's awful, man. I would threaten with a Yelp review. A Yelp review that says I was threatened with racism. But I was able to rise above and kind of just I was able to block it out. Chris was in the sauna. He said, you know what? Challenge accepted. Exactly. I said, yeah, fuck with me. I got it. And I did, and then I got out. I took a quick splash of the cold water, laid down for a second so I didn't pass out, and got in the Ben's truck and drove back to the hotel so I could prepare for Delilah. So you're on your little Rick Rubin swag, aren't you? You do a hot, a cold, a hot, a cold, and then bam, you're ready to go hit Malibu and Nobu or whatever it is that you may be going to pull up at. I'm ready to go make incredible hit records by just being in the room. You know what I mean? Unfortunately, on this podcast, I have to talk, but I think my presence alone could make a hit record. I'm still trying to figure it out. Walk us, our listeners, through what was going on in that solitary booth for 45 minutes with no book, no page six, no headphones to listen to. you know, your, uh, your Jack Johnson or whatever the stuff. No, no, no counting crows, Spotify playlist and site. I wouldn't, I wouldn't listen. Only the sound of, of a Chrome hearts ring clinking against the mountain bottle. That's the only, that's your version of the, uh, of the Neptune's Neptune's beat on the, uh, on the school lunch table is just, is the sound of the chromie ring on a mountain Valley. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world and i know you particularly have quite a lot of questions a lot of questions but how often because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot how many times do they do three times a week and i i have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do that's just a guess the guardian is not some billionaire owned

They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive. And that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code How long? Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable.

And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Well, it's more like that metaphor to me is my brain is an empty mountain valley and Chrome Hearts is life. You know what I mean? And that it's banging against. Yeah, you thought water was necessary for life? No, no, no. yeah exactly no i was able to i was able to just kind of zone out lots of breathing you know what i mean lots of deep deep breaths um which was helping me concentrate because sometimes jason when it's 130 degrees in the infrared and you're looking at you know minute 40 you got five left it's it's it's you know it's it's it's uh bro 130 that's light work come on bitch that ain't sorry i was drenched it's okay we'll work our way up to 160 that's where tj well it didn't get there it didn't it didn't get there i was trying It was set on 160 swiftly. Sweat theory, fuck you. You're the Delilah of saunas. Suck my dick. But it was good, and it got me set. But what I was saying is, so we got home late. So yesterday I had a big day. You know what I mean? I did a workout. I went to the infrared. I went to dinner with the squad. Yeah, man.

Got home. I was obviously exhausted. I slept like a motherfucking rock. You know what I mean? Thank you to Sweat Theory. Woke up at 6 a.m. to catch the French Open final. Shout out to Vamos Rafa for beating that motherfucking Lego-headed little bitch. Swiftly whipped his ass. There's a little touch and go there in the third set, but overall it was a quick win. Then I got on Twitter.com, a favorite of mine. I noticed a lot of discourse around comedian Bill Burr, who hosted the second episode of the SNL season featuring literally the worst musician on earth, Jack White. No, he's not the worst on earth. I did smash the fast-forward button during his performances like I do all performances on SNL, but he, I would have, I mean... He's not the worst musician in the world. Obviously, I'm being extreme. Right, right, right. The guy who he replaced looked... the worst yeah good point well he's he's a he's a guy who like won the voice and is a country singer he won the voice damn or he was he maybe didn't win but he was on the voice and has been able to forge a career from that but you know i yeah people should not be on snl come on there is one white stripe song called hotel yorba that i really like That's a Coke jam. That's a CB. CB's done. I did a lot. CB's done a key bump in a parking lot to that song. Damn, that's fucked up. I actually have. Yeah, I used to. When I would DJ, I would play that sometimes. That's right. Damn. So people people on Twitter seem to be and I Googled it. And there's a lot of discourse around Bill's monologue that it was just so offensive. It was unbelievable that he did this. And then I we both watched it. And I don't really it wasn't like so funny, but it was also like not offensive, really. It was not that offensive. I guess if you look at some certain points or certain threads on Twitter, it will be a lot of people saying that this was highly offensive and it was bad and I didn't like it. I guess white women who are annoying. And then there was also a lot of threads or at least a little bit of discourse that I saw of people saying praise him. This episode of SNL should have just been him doing stand-up.

The monologue should have been twice as long. People were liking it and people were hating it, but I don't think he said anything that was really that offensive other than saying that black people are equator people. That was a little bit of a dig, but he does have the ace up his sleeve of being married to a woman of color. i just don't i guess also i've always had an interesting relationship with bill burr because i feel like it's not for me but i actually like it you know what i mean i feel like it's uh i feel like it's too dumb for me and like i don't like sports and i don't like boston and i but i i do find him to be pretty good and he's like managed to be i mean he's huge he sold out the garden yeah he's a he's a very famous stand-up comedian, but not the kind of person that is going to host SNL, though. That's what I think, but I think that they paired him with the voice guy for a reason, because that's more of like a middle America suburban play versus someone like Megan Thee Stallion and Chris Rock, which to me is very coastal and cool. you know and and just a little bit more like highbrow chris rock specifically is like you know considered to be like the greatest of one of the greatest of all time um and he did an awful job uh he was he was he was unwatchable yeah bill burr ran circles around him bill burr a person who probably detests improvisational comedy detests any type of you know like sketches and bits type of things and then chris chris rock a former cast member of snl and actor who's done tons of stuff he really you know bill bill cleaned up bill cleaned up bill's good i mean i i was just i was happy to see him get the look because i feel like it was definitely snl trying to push you know what i mean as far as like do something a little a little unexpected i didn't get to watch many of the many of the um

sketches but i you know of course i did see clips of jim carrey turning into a fly like a fucking idiot yeah that was bad so bad it's so bad the fly thing is so done i mean honestly to me the fly thing was a 24-hour news cycle and they i don't i'm surprised they felt the need to like yeah but if you're snl you kind of have to like the everyone is like what is snl going to do about the fly like you know people are going to want it but you know i think that you know i guess i guess are white women the ones who are the most upset about what bill is saying or the most offended by what he was saying i mean he can't just some losers and pussies in general i think it's all three groups losers pussies and white women um white white women i mean he came for white women which is fucking funny yeah but it's also easy because that's the only real target that he can go for I mean, not really. I mean, I guess if he fancies himself an uncancellable lad, like I think he may sort of be, then he was punching down and doing the easy thing of making fun of white women, which is literally what everyone can do at any time. But it is on national television, so he can't really shake the tree branch too much. he uh you know i i like that he was using that platform to be like hey i'm i'm this style of comedian i really say this stuff and i'm not afraid of saying things that are going to offend people in fact i like it and it's funny and it's you know maybe good for you to hear somebody that is outside of your uh your silo not to use that word which is terrible but you know we need more of that i yeah i mean i agree i also think it's not like he didn't feel like he was like um saying things to get a rise out of people you know what i mean it was all pretty like measured and and part of the joke it wasn't like it was just like i'm being bombastic and saying offensive stuff to be offensive yeah that's that's a normal bill bursette it's probably a dial down bill bursette compared to what he would normally do for his audience i would agree i mean i've never really watched that much of his stand-up because stand-up is bad um but i i did go through a phase um of listening to his podcast pretty often and and i love how bad it sounds

But that's one of the hardest things in the world to do is do an hour-long podcast completely by yourself. No, honestly, it's inspiring to me in some ways. I don't know if I could do it. I mean, I think I probably could, but I don't know how good it would be. You know what I mean? Of course you could do it. I could do it, but it would not be great. Well, the time that you left me hanging and weren't able to participate in our small business together, I luckily had a guest. So that saved me. And then also on that same episode, I did 10 minutes of solo Marc Maron material at the top. So I guess I can do it. Yeah, no one asked for that, but you did it. Thank you. Nobody asked for that, but I felt so guilty leaving you hanging that I was like, I will bless the... Team TJ with a hot seven. Jason, there's no Team TJ. There's Team How Long Gone and there's Team Chris. Squeeze? No, no, no. Did you just say lock the gates? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am Katy Perry voice. I am the dark horse of this duo. You hear those Clydesdales clomping on your heels? Oh, I thought that was a Budweiser commercial. What is that? That is... That is Jason Thee Stallion coming nipping on your heels. And, you know, this is a classic good versus evil. And we all know that TJ Good, CB is not evil, but he ain't as good as me. Jason, I'm a thoroughbred dressed in full Hermes. You know, my saddle Hermes. You know what I'm saying? You're shit. You're a horse, and you're doing aight, but your saddle is outdoor voices. I'm the everyman horse, though, Chris. And there's more of us than you. Do you know how many people who enjoy Hermes, who listen to podcasts? There's like four of you. Well, no. I'm aspirational. You're in the dirt.

Like, you're in the dirt. You're in the mud, in the dirt with the listeners. I'm high above where they can look and hope to be like. Okay. You know what I mean? Look, I am doing things on my OV saddle, Chris. And I have a whole squad behind me, and we're clacking down. Just like, what's the video game where you're in the outdoors? I don't know. It's like the horse video game. Horse? Are you talking? video game are you talking about are you talking about when you get dysentery like uh the computer game no no there is a there is a horse video game called the main quest no i was talking about is that um no it's like it's like an old western oh okay that's made by rockstar that everyone oh red dead redemption that's what it is that's that's that's what i am i'm i'm the desperado who's who's coming down the plane and i'm uh you know no actually you're the my guns my guns look like red dead redemption you know what i'm saying the draco look like red dead redemption i don't know i don't know what you're talking about your little metaphor fell apart but i'll let it spray um also you didn't i don't know if you made it to the weekend update on snl but pete david watch pete davidson what is what is up with the shape of his skull i don't i didn't i never noticed it before but He looked pretty weird. I mean, he looked very pasty, and at least he was covering his tattoos. Yeah. KK was saying it looks like he got a new makeup artist that was trying to do something about the dark circles, but then it just kind of made his whole skin of his face like a weird grayish color. He looked even more... lifeless than normal but the thing i didn't notice is like he seems to have some good angles and some bad angles like sometimes you'll see a paparazzi shot of him with a girl that he does not deserve to be putting his penis inside of and i'll be like literally all of them literally all of them but i'll but i'll see him i'll see him from a good angle and be like you know he's actually you know i i guess i get it i don't like it well jason he's got but but i could see jason the ladies understand he's got a hog bro yeah yeah yeah he's working with a a winning worm

yeah he's he's a worm man you know yeah but but nowadays it takes more than just a worm in order to bed some of planet yeah bro yeah you can yeah you can be famous and funny and have a big worm yeah that's that's all it takes jason that's really all it takes yeah i guess so but i i i saw the it's like looking at him straight on his the side of his skull bends out and he has like a weird skull like he was looking real puffy like sometimes he'll he'll look super gaunt yeah like when he is dating a you know a kaya or a or a larry david's daughter or a grande perhaps but now his his head looks like a perfect circle he looks like the like the mcdonald's moon man kind of and it looks like i mean the left side of his skull appears that like He got hit in the head with a baseball right before getting into makeup. Jason, he might just be off drugs and put on a little weight. That's my guess. He might have switched up the medication or is doing less drugs and just put on a little bit of weight because he was also wearing a lot of clothes. He was wearing a hoodie under a jacket. Yeah, he was wearing a quick silver knitted plaid shirt with a hoodie underneath it. That wasn't Quicksilver. That was some probably decently cool designer shit. Zipper, double pocket. It was more of an over shirt. It was something that you would wear if you were a white guy who was into Harley Davidsons, but you had a little bit of Mexican in you. That's actually a good description, but it's probably from Mr. Porter. I mean, he's 6'5", 119 pounds, and he's wearing a triple XL. you know like workman's jacket anyway i don't i don't and truly unfunny everything he said was really really not funny yeah yeah i mean i don't expect i don't expect much from him though i don't know why they keep giving him these looks

well i think i mean i think that's all he really does on the show is weekend update like that little that's like kind of what he's does now yeah he comes on once once every other show as himself and he's not really in sketches or i mean here and there but not like it's not his main gig no no no no he's not like a keenan my king the god the god keenan truly the best of all i'm glad that we're both team keen team keenan dream guest for us That would be so funny if we had Kenan Thompson as a guest. One thing, I was browsing your Twitter, speaking of lyricism, and you took a picture of a girl wearing a hooded sweatshirt with a quote line from rapper YG, faux hunnid. Faux hunnid. Good sex, no stress, one boo, no X, small circle, big checks. I want to know how that... that paragraph of words became so popular amongst TikTok dum-dums. I don't know. This is actually a joke that I have with former guest and friend of the show, Bryn Trill. Her response is always, no ex? Who has no ex? That doesn't make any sense. That's the number one. That's the number one thing. The only people who have no ex, those are people who, I guess, married their high school sweetheart after... losing your virginity after you get married? That's the only situation? I guess. I mean, that's an interesting way to think about it. I mean, I didn't realize that was 400 merch at first. Yeah, that's a line taken straight out of the pages of YG's lyrical book. I think it was on his last album, but it was something that when it came on in the club, people would be like, oh, that's like... That's cool. I like that. That's a good mantra for living. Well, I mean, in some ways it is. But also, it goes against rap chat of having only one boo. I guess you can still have a boo and then still philander on the side. Is that right? According to YG300. But I also think that that's what I said in the tweet.

only white women i've seen wearing that i've never seen anybody wearing that except like white chicks that went to college yes um yeah i don't know i mean yg i think yg jumped the shark for me i used to like what yg had like one or two songs now he's literally like the rapper that only talks about donald trump it's a little bit like he we need a little more from oh yeah he did turn into the donald trump rapper that that was a little bit of a misstep for him because he used to have these songs that were like when he when he was doing all those when he was like at his peak he he just made like club anthems that that were undeniable that were even being played in new york you know or east coast kind of places where you know it was it was all dj mustard and it was just songs about like you know getting head it was good and then you know and then it was so good that drake would would get on every one of his songs you know and they would... What was YG's biggest hit? It was probably... Is it Fuck Donald Trump? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Drake was in the video, right? Yeah, it was amazing. It was a great video. It was all filmed on Melrose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were just riding the crazy cars. Yeah, filmed at EPLP parking lot, and then they rolled down La Cienega and Melrose with all their cars. I remember that. But he did Go Loco, which is a song that I don't like, but that was for the Mexican homies. You know what I'm saying? But Big Bank, you remember that song? Yeah, yeah. Big Bank, take Little Bank. That's a good song, too. But he broke onto the scene in 2014 with My N-Word. Or if you're listening to it. My Hitta. Yeah, My Hitta, My Hitta, if you're listening to it on terrestrial radio. But also, Bust Down Tatiana. Oh, shit. Who do you love featuring Drake? Who do you love featuring Drake is a classic. Tatiana is a classic. Also, his first first song, 10 years ago, Toot It and Boot It. Damn. So YG has become, I guess I don't really think about YG that much, but he has fallen off. It's not like he was never there. Yeah. And also, why are you always Hayden? Also, left, right.

That one's for my crip homies. And then... Also... Don't do that. But he also has a song that came out this year that was on the soundtrack of that Will Smith Netflix movie where it was him and a monster called Equinox. What? I didn't even know about that. Oh, yeah. YG has a song called Equinox and the lyrics just say, fuck it up 50 times. Let me see here. Does he mention Equinox gym? No, he can't. I mean, the song is called Equinox. Is that the name of the movie? But Jason, the word Equinox means something besides the gym. What does that mean to YG? Good point. Good point. Yeah, the verse two of Equinox, big booty, slim booty, flat booty hose. Everything the same off the Don Julios. That's good stuff right there. Yeah, that's lyricism, I believe is what we call it. I look like a whole 10 in this Fenty Savage. I'm a Riri. I'm a bad bitch. I'm a bad bitch. Okay, that's good. That's pretty cool, actually. I didn't know he was that comfortable in his sexuality to call himself Riri. Look, YG is cool. but he i mean he was cool not cool anymore happy that he's taking down trump though that's i mean that's cool but it will be a career ender for him but he's doing it yeah i mean i agree but he's doing it in a way that's a little hokey you know what i mean it's like it's like a full pivot versus like i did this i mean you had that fuck donald trump moment like you did that like you're not going to get better than that but he's gonna he's gonna have to do that for his whole that's going to be his closer that's going to be his you know Fleetwood Mac dreams or whatever like ah do the thing say it and then you know when and then everyone has to you know stop the music and then put your I want everybody to put your middle fingers in the air baby that's that's actually very true oh god it's tough man well that's fine Chris we have another great podcast in the books baby that's what really matters podcasters are the new athletes

That's true. That's our new merch. Just go ahead and launch. Let's do a merch flip on the good sex, no stress line. Good guests, no stress, one host, no X. I like where you're going with this. We need some time to workshop it. Small headphones. Okay. Yeah. I mean, we're just spitballing right now, but If somebody out there, I think our listeners might be able to workshop this together. It can be a global movement, but take that iconic paragraph of words, YG's mantra for how to have a successful life as a gang member in 2020. The recipe for hood success. Flip those words to match Chris and Jason's podcast, How Long Gone. If you win, We'll give you a free shirt. Yeah. We have some great guests this week. We have Twitch on Thursday, as always, with some special surprises that we're not going to release just yet. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We are a two-dimensional and a three-dimensional show now. It's pretty crazy when you think about it. We use the visual elements now. It's crazy. It's pretty crazy when you think about it. Jason, it's always wonderful to catch up with you for our adoring public. I will talk to you later today. Make sure you follow me on social media at them jeans on Instagram with the checkie on Twitter with the little checkie as well. Damn. Titty two checks. You probably already follow me, so I don't need to beg. But thank you for listening. And we will talk to you midweek. Bye-bye.