307. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on YouTube. Measure twice, cut once, as they say. You wouldn't know that because you're not a cutter. How Long Gone is Here. Jason Stewart, Chris Black, recording live from Manhattan. This is the Lower East Side, uncut, unedited. You're shaking your head now. Is any of this information incorrect, Chris? Well, technically it's the East Village. I didn't want to. I mean, it's like if I called Glendale Pasadena. I guess that's a positive for you, though. Could be worse. Okay, okay. So this is the East Village. It's okay, yeah. It's okay. I won't hold you to it because you're not from around these parts. So we can let it slide. They both have East in the name. That's a good point. That's a good point. You're absolutely right about that. So the East Village is north. Of the Lower East Side? I don't know, I guess. You know, I'm not good with directions. What do you mean you don't know? I don't know, dude. You can't come for TJ and then not know where it is. I don't know. You could put me in the middle of anywhere, and I couldn't tell you North, South, East, West. There's no way. Really? You never did Boy Scouts or People Scouts? Do they have Boy Scouts anymore, or is it just Them Scouts? Them Scouts. No, I believe it's still Boy Scouts. I'm sure they're excluding people, and it's a problem. What if it's just called Scouts spelled S-C-X-U-T-S, and it's just Scouts? There's somebody trying to do that, I'm sure. Everyone's welcome. And I think the Boy Scouts organization is, like, if not more than vaguely religious.

I'm sure they're trying to keep. I was in Boy Scouts. I didn't get no religious shit other than the pedophilia and the molestation. That was the only real. Pedophilia goes hand in hand with religion. I'm saying that was the only sermon that was being preached. Oh, it's not. I thought it was just vaguely religious just because. As an outside member, you might think that. How far did you get? I started at like three years old, like the earliest, youngest. a young bull could ever be. I was like a bobcat or a cheetah. I was a larva. I was a larva. And then I went all the way up until the point where you turn into an Eagle Scout because once you do that, then you have to be in Boy Scouts and in high school at the same time, which is such a suicide. Why are you still in the Boy Scouts? You're fat and ugly. You're fat. Boy Scouts is stupid. It's not as if I was ever going to get my dick sucked in high school anyway, but Sam Jane is actually an Eagle Scout. Interesting. Damn, and he turned out like a cool guy. I know, he could save us in the woods, you know what I mean? Yeah, him and I both. What could you do? I specialize in knot tying. But I mean, I brought it up. Are you sick with the axe? Are you a hatchet man? Sicker than you. Yeah, sure, but I don't know if that's something to be proud of necessarily. Ashley Olsen's sicker than you on the axe. Both wood chopping as well as the BC Rich Warlock. I was about to say, you've never seen me with the Paul Reed Smith John Mayer edition. I can really take it there. No, you can't. The only place you can take it is guitar starting to get new strings put on because you don't even know how to do that, boy. You can't even go... Can you tune a guitar? You cannot tune a guitar. Of course I can. It's so easy. I don't know if you can. I've never seen you play guitar. I mean, I've been playing guitar. I mean, I don't play guitar anymore, but I mean, my mommy got me a guitar when I was this many. But if I put the telly in your hands right now, you could play what? A Smashing Pumpkin song? I could play like five songs. I mean, but there's been over the years. Do-Re-Mi doesn't count, so what else you got? I mean, I learned a bunch of songs over the years, but I forgot them. What kind of tablature do you have saved in your phone? I don't know.

I don't have no tabs on my phone. You have the Nine Inch Nails tablature on your iPhone 12? I'm sure there's one Nine Inch Nails song that I learned on guitar at some point. I used to learn... I would always learn Belle and Sebastian songs back in the day for some reason because they were... Are they easy? Playing them put me in a good mood. Yeah, sure. Belle and Sebastian puts me in a good mood, too. Some people think it's sad. No. I think it's happy music. If you already are sad, it just makes you a little bit better. Good point. But I was saying, I was in Scouts. I distinctly remember the time where I learned... my direction my on the compass never used a compass never used a leveler barely used a drill used a hammer a couple times didn't like it but that was just to crush up a diazepram i had a small supreme hammer for crushing up pills it was um it was a gift you know it was a gift from your sponsor uh but how are you feeling jason because you know when you come to new york You like to ride yourself hard and hang yourself up wet at the public. At Ian Schrager's public, I'm sending a bellhop up to make sure you're still alive every day. I don't know if you've noticed that this guy knocks on your door. I've been getting a lot of welfare checks at my hotel room, and I was starting to wonder, because when we were in Mexico at the Cuatro Seasons, Mamacitas and Papacitas were knocking every fucking 35 minutes. Like, every day, the guy would come to the room, wake me up, like, 8 in the morning, every single morning, the whole week. And I'd be like, what? And he would be like, do you need any replenishment in your mini bar? 8 a.m. Every single morning. And I'm like, bro, I'm not drinking the mini. Patrons in here. You don't have to come anymore. You have to do the sober move, and before you check in, tell them they have to remove it all. That's the coolest celebrity move that you can do when you're sober is call the Chateau. Look, I need you to clear it out. He can't have anything in there. He cannot have anything in there. Not even mouthwash. I can't have mouthwash. I can't even have a chocolate bar. It's all too tempting. It's all too crazy. I'm just going to have bad breath. We have to remove all the alter eco quinoa crunch.

70% cacao is the sweet spot that you're going to be looking for. If the popcorn doesn't get out of there, this guy's going to lose it. Every time I come here, now that I'm old and I have to think about things and consider them, it's not like when I'm in my 20s and I come here and I'm like, do coke and go out until 6 a.m. every night, YOLO lifestyle. So I have it down pretty well. But I've also found, like, if I'm here for a weekend or, like, four days, like, I'm, like, Thursday to Monday. So you get, like, two going out nights and then, like, two kind of chill nights. And you kind of have to do it, like, because, like, we arrive on Thursday. You can't go too hard on that first night because then. Classic mistake. You blow your load. You fuck it up. So you got to do a little foreplay. Thursday night, you go out, have a little drinks with dinner. You see an old friend. You don't go all, it's not full penetration. You touch a little titty. That's about it. You go to bed, live to fight another day. Yeah, of course. And then Friday or Saturday, that's when you pick your poison, wherever it's going to be. You have one big blowout night where like, I know that the next day is going to be a full wash. It's going to be rough for you. I'm, I'm double, I'm Edward electro lit handsing myself. I'm Edward Pedialyting myself the next morning. I'm eating a bagel at 11.15 for breakfast. You know, it's the whole fucking thing. Did you have a bagel yesterday? Mm-hmm. Wow. So let's just, I mean, we can, we hit Dr. Clark on Thursday with friend of the show, Andy. Which was a perfect, you know. I agree. It's a restaurant where they have a bar. It's like, it's more fun and live. It's like a perfect mix between a bar and a restaurant. You had some twisted rice wine. fucking martini i had a martini with some yeah some kind of i thought i had some i thought i had some extra ingredients that were native it was like to the japanese region instead of just a standard vermouth oh i see they have some type of you know it's a word that you've never heard of that's like kind of like vermouth but it has some you know shiso leaf in it or

So you did order the daikon martini, which looked great. I ordered the daikon martini. It was clean, crisp, and refreshing. Yeah, and it was light bites. Because thanks to our friends at Delta One, I wasn't starving. The cold ramen salad is special. Yeah, a nice salmon hot pot. The toothy noodle. That's a dish I'm glad you reminded me. That's a dish I'll be making at home. I can't wait to try TJ's version. Oh, it's going to knock your socks off, brother, man. Cold ramen salad, TJ's version. Because they did a good job at Dr. Clark. I like it, but that's a jumping off point. I could do so much better with it. I could change her. I'm going to combine that with the Shintaro tofu salad with an impossibly addicting sesame miso dressing. Ooh, it's creamy. Are you going to hit a little Salt Bae style sesame seeds on top for a little bit of... The sesame seeds are being toasted lovingly, and then they're being shaken upon all over. With sesame seeds, you can't get enough. No, you really can't. Once I pop, I can't stop. It's more seed than arugula. It's fucked up. You eat it, it's like eating sand. Yeah, but you guys took it pretty easy, I feel like. Yeah, we took it easy. I still felt like shit the next day when I got up at 6 a.m. to do yoga and it was slush hours on the ground. The weather shift has been beautiful. Friday morning was awful and then by the afternoon when we had to go to our Twisted event in Brooklyn, it was pretty nice. Don't call it the Twisted event. That's what brought us out here. I had a good time. Doesn't mean it wasn't twisted. Yeah, there was a weather shift. I'm wondering who's going to write about it on their sub stack. So I think the vibe shift actually created a weather shift. Stick with me. Yeah, it was a 30 degree vibe shift. It fucked up my footwear decisions. It fucked up, you know, because I'm wearing heat tech now.

That could be your best friend or your worst nightmare. If the weather turns on you, if the weather does a 30-degree vibe shift and you have heat tech on, oh, man. No, it's bad for you. I'm going to be at what's the hospital here? St. Jude's? St. Mark's? NYU. I'm going to be at NYU. I don't like heat tech. I don't get cold. My legs don't get cold. Fellas, is it gay to get cold? I mean, it is, but we can confirm that. I just don't find... I think guys like you got more insulation, you know? Well, I don't... I mean, look. I don't want to get your quad off with you right now, but maybe that does keep me warmer because the circulation is so much stronger. Quad off. No, but I just find anytime I do that stuff, I'm warm. I'm like, oh, this is great for five minutes. And then as soon as I start walking, I'm like, I'm sweating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the problem with it. It's the same... It's like riding the clutch on your old Honda Civic. When you're in the car and you're driving and the heater's cranked up, it's like, oh, so cool, turn the heater on, turn the heater on, and then it gets way too hot, and then you've got to crack the windows, but not too much, and then you're driving down the road, the windows are cracked, the heat, and those are three elements that you have to all ride at the same time. I'm mixing three songs together on the CDJs, and if you have what it takes to pull it off, oh, man, it's perfection. It's because you're a slow walker. I don't think I'm a slow walker. Your gait is funny, and it's not fast. My gait? Fuck you. The way that you stroll is not enviable. Okay. But, again, you've never lived here. You don't understand the pace and the way that you have to walk on the streets of New York. Well, I'm respectful, though, because I know that if I'm not walking... with the New York pace, with the New York flavor, I moved to the side because there's nothing worse than two people hogging up the whole sidewalk, walking out their pace, like looking, stopping into a shop. I'm sure you've learned some hard lessons when you were at the Sour Patch Kids store yesterday because it gets kind of crazy up there on Saturdays. I'm walking down the street and I'm like trying to mind my own business. I'm like, I'm a New Yorker. I'm going to pretend and no.

Excuse me, excuse me, which way is Sbarro? Excuse me, I was walking down the house and on the way here. See how I pronounce it? That's how you know. And then these two tourist people walk by me and they're like, excuse me, where's First Avenue? I'm like, oh, I'm not from here. I'm from Los Angeles, but First Avenue is right here. Because you're standing right in front of it. And we were standing directly in front of it. And I was like, oh, they must have thought that I was a real bona fide, certified New Yorker. That is a good feeling. It's like when chicks get ID to the liquor store. And they love it. No matter if they're 18 or 50, they're just like, me? Yes, I will show you. I wasn't fishing, but I like what I caught. That's great. I'm glad you helped out. So I'll be walking down the sidewalk, you know, focused with a goal in mind. But then I'll look up to one of these shops and there'll be a shirt that says, fuck you, you fucking fuck. And then it just stops me in my tracks. And I'm like, oh. You're like, this is the greatest city on earth. You turn off your podcast and you just think about life for the rest of the walk. Hey, Siri, pause podcast. I need to look at this baby onesie that says, I only cry when ugly people hold me. Damn, bro, I didn't know you were going to Little Italy this much on this trip, but I like it for you. I mean, it's the gateway to Chinatown. I've heard that. In terms of geographic location in New York, not in planet Earth. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. So I would have to go to China to get to Chinatown, but in New York, I can just go through Little Italy. I mean, they're both. China and Italy are closer to each other than Los Angeles or New York are. Good point. But they're still worlds apart in terms of culture. Cuisine. I know that. They both like noodles, but they have different flavors. Your words, not mine. What? Y'all both got noodles, but it got different flavors. It's interesting. No, no, no. It's true. You got greaseball basil. Yeah, there's Asian basil, Italian basil. They're the same leaf, but they're grinding on different lanes. Look, I don't want to get in. This is not another food podcast. I can't have you do 20 minutes on Basil. I don't want to do 20 minutes on Basil. So, yeah, we did that. Crashed out. I didn't bring any marijuana on this trip just so I can detox. So when I come back, the nugs hit me even harder.

I love that. You know that. Is that a method that you've done before in your past? Unfortunately, once you get to a certain point, it's a little tough to edge. You know what I'm saying? You can't really not have it. You go to hit the eject button, but it doesn't seem to work. The eject button doesn't work, and me and my tandem skydive partner are bouncing off the ground when we land. You're on the freeway, and it's like, pull over. We need to get some more gas, and the turn signal doesn't work. Yeah, bro. Why does that work? No, but I think... I'm glad that you have given yourself. Your mind seems sharp. For now. Yeah, until you get back to LA. Until I hit the six-footer back in Cali. I guess this is the last podcast you're going to be good on, so we might as well enjoy it. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, whenever I'm too high and I'm podcasting and I go back and edit it, I'm like, uh-oh, this is bad. I can just punch it in. No, of course, no, of course. I mean, we did. So, yeah, we're here because we did a... Yeah, and then Friday morning we went. That was the first time I've been to Brooklyn in years. We took the Uber black with our buddy who we discussed the intricacies of the 30 different flavors and colors of American spirit cigarettes and cocaine. Yeah, I got in the car and it smelled like weed. And I was like, bro, it smells like Indonesia in here. And I was like, shouldn't have said that. He's Asian. But he was like, oh, yeah. He claimed. I couldn't tell. If he was saying, yeah, I'm lit, or he was saying, oh, no, it wasn't me. He was so enthusiastic that I didn't even understand the response. He wanted to be friends with us. He was a hospitable character who was ready to receive us, and I think that he knew that he was honored to have a couple of chit-chatters in his car. When I made the cocaine joke, I made the weed joke, and he was kind of, like, nervously laughing. But then I saw that he had the yellow American Spirits sitting shotgun, and I pulled out my pack of yellows in solidarity. You bonded with him. Brother, you and I, we are the same. And instead of him being like, oh, shit, mind equals blown, he was like, okay. Oh, because he said he used to smoke Parliament. You're like, oh, you do coke, too? Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. That was good. I like that a lot. But we went over.

all the different colors of American Spirits. And it was odd because American Spirits literally comes in 20 different flavors, colors, whatever it is. But there's no, like when you, the only differentiating characteristic of each pack is the color. It never says why or what it means. I didn't know that. I assumed there was some, like, copy on the box that explains. I would think so too. He produced a black. pack of american spirits i was like let me let me hold that fam and i'm i'm every i'm scouring every millimeter of the pop of the box there's no thank god we were able to go on the internet and find out that those were the uh jack daniels kentucky barrel aged cigarettes uh for those people that like a little smoke in their smoke you know what i'm saying barrel age brother casey masterpiece american But there's so many. There's this like yellow, light yellow, dark yellow, orange. I think there were like 30, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the flavors, all the clothes are in. That has to be a decision, doesn't it? What do you mean? Well, it's either two reasons. Like the government won't allow you to say certain words on the packaging perhaps, but then I think it's a little bit of that and a little bit of like a conscious decision. Yeah, I think it's like we think this is cool. And it is. I mean, I don't know. Do Marlboro Lights say lights on them, or is it just like gold? Well, yeah, I think they can only do different colors. You can just say like Marlboros, Marlboro Lights, Marlboro Reds, Camel, Camel Crush, 27s, whatever it is. I love a guy who smokes a 27. They're not easy to find. Love the 27 guy. Yeah, the unfiltered, it's all there. I think you're not allowed to say like, oh, this dark burgundy American spirit is like this because it's impossibly smooth. No, I don't think... Rich, full-bodied flavor. I mean, you can't do any of that anymore thanks to the government, you know, because they gave us quote-unquote cancer or whatever. Well, that's better than when I have to buy my cigarettes in Italy. Well, he told us that he went to Connecticut to buy his because they're cheaper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, don't be telling me that, brother. I get my shit in Ohio. I get it in Ohio. I'm Cameron. I get it in Ohio. I'm crossing borders. Well, I think the trip to Brooklyn. So we went to the – some of you guys have probably been to the Wythe Hotel. It was the first boutique hotel in Williamsburg. Now there's 15 of them on the same block. Yeah, that's right. The Wythe, the Hoxton. All of our alliance partners. All of our alliance partners. partners. Don't forget the William Vale. There's a great pool scene there. Dude, I went to friends and family at the Vale like forever ago. Bro, why? For the restaurant? Dano's sister was in the NYC front of house. NYC FOH Familia. And they're like, yeah, there's like a new place in Brooklyn and it's like open bar and like hors d'oeuvres if you guys want to go. And we went there and we're like... we don't live here but this is fucked like there go the neighborhood type shit no it's it's pretty crazy actually but i mean i guess that's what every neighborhood turns into but we we went through i felt like i was at bono's house and not like a brooklyn yeah hotel luckily we were luckily as performers we were ushered quickly into the bowels of the wife into the into the vip room which backdoor black which seemed a little bit like um an elevated storage closet with uh IPAs and some canned wine as well. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area.

You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it. in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up. faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HowLong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable.

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There's caramel corn and kettle chips and wine and IPA, and we just sit down, and the first guy sitting next to me is just this bro. He's probably listening to us right now. Shout-outs to my man from Riverside. He's just a normal guy that looked like he worked in a podcast, like he fit in perfectly there. He was just sitting in the corner looking at his phone, drinking a beer, just how I would do. I'm like, so what brings you here, sailor? And he's like, my boss. Is like a state assembly person? No, no, no. I think his boss was a Washington state senator, and he sent him there because he's flirting with the idea of doing a podcast. He was like, go check this out. He's thinking about doing a podcast. So that's like how convoluted and fucked up our government system is that the taxpayers of Washington state paid this guy all expenses, paid trip to New York for a week because his boss is thinking about doing a podcast. this guy sits in a basement i should have sent you to this alone for the same you know what yeah you check this out report back to me and he's like yeah i'm just here checking it out podcasts are cool i guess i don't fucking know and we're like okay but then we found out we had a lot of coming out least we had a lot of thank god he went to hardcore shows at the showcase he's he lived in riverside yeah we went to the same concert yeah showcase theater is like the coolest thing was like oh sick bro what kind of bands did you see he's like I don't remember any of them. I was like, so you went straight. He's like, yeah, I don't remember it. I went to a hundred shows there. I don't remember a single band I saw. And I was like, so you really did Riverside, right? You really did. Cause I was there. I mean, I was. My adrenaline was going with hardcore spirit and pride. His was going from dirty methamphetamine coursing through his thick veins. And then we made another friend who I don't really know what she did. I was there for Disembodied, Morning Again, and Hatebreed, and he was there for Unwritten Law, shooting up in the car between bands. Unwritten Law is one of the worst bands of all time.

Like, that is rough. Pennywise and Unwritten Law. Chill. Chill. I don't get it. I'm sorry. I don't get it. Well, yesterday, this is funny. Just a quick aside. You might not know this, but yesterday I was at a vintage store with Kobe and Claire, and they had a Tilt shirt. Do you remember the band Tilt? I mean, I don't know anything about them, but I know. They had a vintage Tilt shirt, and I literally went to the guy. I'm like, really, bro? Like, who the fuck is going to buy this? It's like $125. I'm like. What is happening? They had two Firehose shirts for $400 each. And I'm like, there's no way. There's no way. There's no way. The Tilt was like a pop punk. Yeah, Tilt was a pop punk. I think they were on Lookout. Damn. I'm looking it up right now. With our friends at Operation Ivy. Oh, jeez. They're from the East Bay. Yeah, they're East Bay. They're on Lookout and Fat Rec Course. All my favorite labels. You already know what time it is, baby. I'm signed to both Fat Records and OVO. I'm like the first of my kind. Dude. We joke, but that's the next T. OVO Sound. OVO Sound Radio's Chris Black. This week I got some... We got Majee Jordan and NoFX coming up. Majee Jordan and NoFX. I got a new one from Smiley, followed up by an early Green Day B-side. Okay. First of all, hold on. Another aside. Yeah. Barry's instructor yesterday played Smiley, and I was like, I'm going to tear my ACL. This is so sick. I like how gay Smiley sounds. He's the gayest murderer. Yeah, it's the coolest combo. Other than Vladimir P., one of the gayest murderers. Absolutely. He's got the most bodies, and he's got the most bodies. Hey, hey. All right, so we're in Brooklyn. We're backstage. We're talking to a cat lady type and then this hardcore bro. And then... They're all listening to this right now, so we can't clown. No, I mean, they're cool. I like them all, but I'm just describing them. I mean, that's not... They're probably talking about us. I don't know, these two white assholes that have a podcast. I mean, it's equal. It's equal. Cat lady type. She was pretty funny, though. I liked her. She was cool. She was cool. Does she have a cat? Yeah. Yeah. Two? I don't know. I don't know.

So we were building the green room, and then our Spotify familia shows up from the communications department, which that's the most important person there. And then Avery, who was our last-minute moderator, and she had prepared some stuff, which was nice. Yeah, I mean, it was probably her first panel moderation. you know all you have to do is ask five perfect questions worded perfectly and you know and she did a good job it's tough it's tough and we did it we did a good job as well i think i think that the room was soft on us you know yeah i would look out into the it reminds me of tour so much like when we're in denver and i'm like i look out and i'm just like nope these motherfuckers look dead in the eyes well there was the the difference was We did not charge these people money, and we were not profiting off of the audience. So I was less inclined to try to win them over and do my little dance. That's funny. I wasn't. I actually cared more. Really? Yeah, because I think that when you're put in front of people that have no interest in you. We don't know that, though. No, we don't know that. We had a hot panel. We'd have a hot panel, but I saw us win a few people over. I'd see it in their eyes. They're like, oh, this is pretty funny. These guys are... Yeah, we had some goners in the audience. There was five little cutie chicas in the front row giggling it up. They were giggling it up. And then there was 195 neckbeard Brooklynite dudes being like, I thought I was going to learn about branding. What time is the Steve Albini Zoom panel with Ben Gibbard? Let's go branding. That's what the panel should have been called. How did we miss that? Fuck. But overall, it was fun. And I'm glad we got to build with our Spotify Familia. But I just don't. Stuff like that is always so interesting to me because it's like, I understand if your company is paying for you to be there. That's, of course, it's like fun. The company is paying for me to go to New York for a week. I'm going to see all these people from my industry. Yeah, it's just like CMJ, South by Southwest, Sundance. It's about a thing, but it's just to get drunk.

who pay 300 bucks of their own money because they think they're going to learn something. Right. And I, I, I don't, not that I feel like indebted to them, but I did actually like, I'm like, Dan, there's people who, who really are here to like take something away from this. And I want to be myself and be the, have fun with it. But I also like, would like to give them something. Of course. Because it's like, that's, I don't know. I felt, I felt responsible. Yeah. The panel was, to me, it was less about. entertaining and making a funny joke and more about kind of creating little word blurbs that anchor can then put on an infographic with a picture of my face that's too close up where i think the one where i said haters or fans too really resonated i love to podcast i don't know how many people in that audience like have haters you know what i mean but i think they're related to that but i think i don't know if major m-a-e-j-o-r Major was in the green room when we finished. Yeah, I bet. He probably had a film crew of five people filming his journey. Major looked good. He could get it? Huh? Major could get it. I was like, Major's in shape. Major's got his fake Bodhi see-through shirt on, skin glowing, hair. He looked good. I got paid $13 million from Amazon. I got 20 billboards across the world to talk about how music has frequencies and it could change your soul. I did – yeah, I met Justin Bieber. It kind of changed my life, man. You know what I'm saying? But it was interesting to be around the people that are like sort of our people in a weird way. Like I feel very disconnected from that completely. Yeah, oh, for sure. But also like – We're bad news bears. Yeah, but that's sort of stupid because this is in some ways our – like I don't need to do that all the time, but I think doing that – is important for us to understand what's actually happening from a business standpoint. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I, I did try to, when I realized that none of the quote unquote jokes that were coming out of my mouth, we're going to get any laugh or any positive reception whatsoever. Then I was like, okay, let me switch and go into my, uh, Vayner mode is what we call that. When you do that, let me, let me just try to, you know, you went Austin on those motherfuckers. Yeah. Let me go Austin on this.

All of a sudden, Jason's asking to pass around the offering plate, and I was just a little confused, but it's fine. I wanted to say something that was going to go straight into someone's brain and be like, damn, maybe I should make a T-shirt for my podcast. So you're telling me you print the logo on a T-shirt and then people buy it? And then you could use that money to invest in your future. No, but I mean. The problem is we were so hyped up from the performance. Because we haven't touched the stage in a minute. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's right. We were hyped up that the night took a turn. Like, I stayed up until 1.30 based fully on adrenaline from the on-air fest. Well, you know, after we had some great meetings with some great people and some great boutique hotels all over, getting passed around like a circuit party slut. I love that the power room at On Air Fest is the Hoxton lobby. That's how it is for every one of these things. It's like you guys have fun at your little thing. We'll be in the big boys table having our big boy cream top cold brews by the fireplace. We were throwing around a lot of buzzwords for a couple hours with some power players in the business. Let's get him up to the chalet. Can I guys get you anything you want? Anything you want. Yeah, I didn't even get a free drink, but I don't drink. I got the feeling that if I wanted a drink, they would have paid for it. I think they would have paid for it. Those corporate cards are different. Actually, it's funny because I did see the corporate cards come out, and unfortunately I didn't receive any benefits from that, but that's fine with me. It was more about linking and building. But after that, we ventured back to the city. We went our separate ways for dinner. Yeah, where did I go for dinner? Contra. Oh, yeah, Contra. Jason went for an 18-course tasting menu at 9 p.m. I got out at 1, ready to go. I went to an East Village institution. Shout out to Fabe and Jeremiah. Thanks for your hospitality at Contra. Thank you, Eric Chikin, for your hospitality as well, even though we split the bill. It was just nice to see you. Interesting. And then I went to a new hotspot with Eric and Cassie called...

The Nines. The Nines, yes, yes, yes. I heard it was hot. I haven't been. It was pretty good. Yeah, it was pretty good. This was just a bar, though, right? I think it's a supper club. A supper club? I mean, I think you can eat there. Oh, okay, okay. Something more than olives? That might be like a liquor license scam. I don't know. Got it, got it, got it. But the room is cool, but it's like this new thing now I think people want to do where there's a piano player. It's like all covers. So that's kind of like a DJ. It's like a DJ, but worse. So he's playing music, but with the piano instead of the desk. Yeah, exactly. Why is it worse, though? You hear an Emmy Winehouse song, and you're like, damn, this isn't as good as the original. I love a live pianist. I like the energy. When I'm at the Macy's lobby, second floor, Christmas time. I like the energy of it. I like the energy of it, but I just think that there's limits to it. I like that there's a piano in the room and it's live. It feels cool, but I think there's some limits to it. What would you prefer? Do you want a quartet? Yeah. A few strings would help. So you would like somebody with a little tiny jazz kit, the piano and a stand-up bass. Yeah, stand-up bass. And maybe like a dedicated vocalist. Since they want to go to rehab, I said, no, no, no, no, no. That's exactly what it is. Something like that. Yeah. But it was fun. So we're there for a couple hours. Friend of the show, Flynn, shows up. I mean, it was a whole thing. Flynn's there. And then Eric, I see Eric getting a little googly-eyed over there. You know what I'm saying? He's had a few. Oh, okay. So he was googly-eyed off the drink, not because he seemed to rotakowski or something. No, no, no. He's a little googly-eyed. Everybody's had a few $35 martinis. And I've had two big bottles of San Pellegrino, which I left $40 for, which seemed reasonable. Damn. And I'm feeling pissy as well. So I'm like, all right, I'm going to the Jane. I'm trying to coordinate with you, but you're fucking, you know, you're not looking at your phone because you're eating foam. And I'm like, we got to go. I'm balls deep in celery root. Yeah, you're balls deep in celery root. Have fun, bro. And I'm like, it's Greg K's birthday at the Jane. We're going to this party. Jane roof. Jane roof. I want to go.

And I convince Eric and Cassie to go with me. We walk out of the nines. Yeah. And I forget that Acme, it's above Acme. I forget Acme is still a thing. There's a hundred 24-year-old girls with that corny YSL purse. Yeah. And a Canada Goose with a going out top underneath, like shivering, waiting to get in. And I haven't seen that in a long time. I saw it too, and it was fucked up. Like when we pulled up. There was a line of – but it was mostly dudes when I got there. No, this is at the Jane. Oh, okay. This was at the – we left at the Nines. They were trying to go to Acme. Got it. And then I got to the Jane, and there was a few people in line. But somehow I was like I didn't have to – we didn't really have to wait. No, because there was two lines. There was like just to get into the regular vibe, and then the thing we were going to was like a private party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was a separate entrance. But it was like I'm at the Jane. I haven't been here in so long. and you see the sign and the old elevator, and it's all coming back. But it was dark to see a line of 100 NYU frat bro guys. Literally, there's guys in Waiting in Line doing chants. They were huddled in a circle. It was basically like that. Everyone is wearing their Stone Island whatever thingy and wearing their Reebok. ald fucking collab things and they're they're doing like who who chance shit well we were waiting i was like fuck i don't we were waiting for the elevator for the elevator and i'm like eric it smells like fucking chlorine in here he's like yeah bro they gotta clean this shit i'm like i'm like is there a pool in here he's like nope but he told me that he shot a few times the only thing that works on these people i'm like He's like, have you ever been in the big club room during the day, full lights on? I'm like, no. He's like, bro, I've shot in there a few times. You don't want to see that. And I know you've seen clubs with lights on many times in your life. Yeah, I mean, it's the smell. It's the daytime smell. The puke, alcohol, chlorine. Decades of puke, alcohol, piss, and pop-off.

We're focusing on the bad part. We get to the roof and it's paradise. You know what I mean? I walk in, Ian Bradley comes up, kisses me on both cheeks. Shout out to Ian Bradley. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing to see people listening to Phoenix and losing their fucking minds in 2022. I noticed that it was kind of interesting to see all these DJs who have letters and numbers in their DJ name. Playing all the exact same songs that I used to play 10 years ago, but just sped up 10 BPMs. The fact that Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand was played. That one was tough. That's not that. I mean, that song is unfortunately kind of like a classic smash. It's a classic iconic smash 1000%, but the vibes are off on that one. The room lit up. I know. And that means. there's too many dorky people in there yeah yeah yeah i should have it all it takes is one person to protest the same way all it takes is one person me to start smoking indoors and then everything did you start smoking indoors i did until i was asked to stop but yeah i got i got like three i got three siggies off no no i did it i did it and then i was asked to stop but it was it was really i was only there for like 45 minutes but it was like I saw – you saw it was all fun and games for you, double cheek kiss, blah, blah, blah. I saw a darker, more sinister side of this party. I feel like you could have been sexually harassed by some members of the community. I was sexually harassed. Yet again, when TJ goes to these parties that lean homosexual, he tends to be a victim. They climb me like a tree. And you don't seem to mind. Well, this one got a little – this one, there was – because everyone has a line. Where is the Lon Bjork voice? And somebody crossed it with me. Did they? And luckily, my life partner was there to... To kind of keep them at bay? Keep them at... Well, there was a guy... I was sitting at the bar, and there was a guy, and he had a boyfriend with him. And he was kind of like a buff, scruff. You know, he was kind of like your shape, but a little bit bigger in the biceps.

No shade to me. Wow, damn. I'm not saying that you were a weakling. I'm just saying he was a little bit brawnier than you. This guy and his man were looking for a third, and they see TJ having another vodka soda. Yeah, they saw me having yet another vodka soda, and they were like, he doesn't have a Caesar right now, but I could tell that he has had a Caesar before. They're like, once we get him home, we could give him the Caesar before things kind of get moving. So the boyfriend was not. was just kind of like along for the ride and then this you know there was there was a power dynamic one person was sort of in charge i understand that's i'm familiar with that but that person the person that was in charge was also probably like balls deep in a k-hole like pretty pretty gone people were on drugs there was it was a ketamine friendly zone and he came up to me and I was like, hey, can I buy you a drink? And I was like, oh, I just got a drink right now. Thank you. Oh, I'm straight, bro. I mean, I'm good. I didn't say that. I'm like, get the fuck out of here, bro. I'm straight. You say this one more time, dude. We're going to have a fucking problem. But he, you know, we started talking and he was, I was like, okay, this guy's fucked up. And he started talking about how much he loved my biceps. And I was like, fam, I don't have bias. I'll be the first person to tell you. I ain't got much work. Bro, these are toothpicks attached to my arm, bro. My pythons are not thick with it. But I think he was just trying to gas me up, whatever. But I don't know. Somehow it got to the point where he made me take my jacket off and produce a raw, bare-skinned bicep for him to check out. Why did you let him? You're in power here, Jason. You didn't have to do this. I was scared. Okay, that's fair. No, I wasn't scared. Did this guy have, like, a nose ring or anything, or was he pretty? No. Okay. He was, like, I mean, like, literally, he was, like, your body shape and size. If you were to, if the white T was, like, skin tight and tucked in, you know what I mean? So you're saying, like, in theory, you would have let him beat. It just wasn't the right night.

He was just too fucked up. It just felt wrong. You know what I mean? I wasn't able to make an emotional connection with him. So he's feeling your bicep. I don't like it if it's that easy. He's feeling my bicep. He starts biting my arm. He clearly has a bicep fetish, like a specific bicep fetish. So he likes flabby biceps and then he wants to bite them? He couldn't stop chewing on my bare-skinned arm. What the fuck are you doing? talking about chewing on my arm chewing my arm and then and then my life partner kind of sees this going down and she's like okay what's what's the deal here and they kind of like she starts dancing with him provocatively she's also looking for a third so it turns into a competition yeah yeah yeah but and the boyfriend's just like okay we're having fun and then there's a moment where penis penises start being discussed and like dick size and he's like talking about my dick and I'm like okay that's cool and then he starts talking about how he has a huge dick and I'm like okay that's very possible that you have a huge dick and then yeah what do you say that like cool well I'll tell you what my girlfriend says to it let's take a look she said bring the hog out she makes him pull his dick out in the middle of the club And his dick is on tiny. And she's like, bro, you have a small dick. And she's like, get your little dick out of here. Put it back in. Put the Tesla back in the garage. That's not the Tesla. That's the BMW X3. X1. Put the model trace. So this guy is talking about his hog. And then he pulls the hog out. He's got ketamine dick. Damn, bro. That's... But it was cool to have my girlfriend be like, you got a big old dick? Let's see it. And he's like, gladly. And he proudly produces a tiny penis for her. And she's like, bro, what are you talking about? Is the boyfriend just like? Well, an hour later, I'm standing talking to somebody else. Maybe the homie Marco or whoever it could be. And I feel...

a big smack on the back of my knees and i kind of stumble and i have to gain my my balance and i look and the little dick motherfucker has fallen dramatically in the center of the club and then his poor boyfriend is sort of having to pull him up this guy was fucked up yeah he was he was twisted he was bent back but i mean it was he fell on the ground in a way that only a gay person who's about that drama would fall. Yeah. Like had to make a whole scene, like dragging, like grabbing people's scarves as he goes down. So everybody knows that he's like, so this guy thing around. So the most annoying guy at the party basically picked you out, bit your bicep and showed you his hog. What else is new? Nightlife TJ strikes again, baby. Um, and then I ended up getting very drunk. I didn't do any drugs. Stupid. I know, I know. I mean, I really could have used a straightener. I'll tell you that. Of course, Chris is doing the Migos dance right now. But I was really, really drunk, and I promised three to four trans people that they could come on this podcast as a guest. Well, I mean. Honestly, they'd probably be better than some of the people we've had. 1,000%. Let's see who follows up, and then we'll kind of suss it out from there. Shout-outs to Blair. That's on period. You're going to come on the podcast. Not every trans person gets to come on How Long Gone. We love you, but just because... you are trans, doesn't mean that you get a free ride. You also have to bring it. Yeah, you have to bring it. And that is on period. That's what we demand from all our guests. But it was a fun party. I was really happy to be there. It was fun to see a bunch of people. It was. I mean, the problem is we did it two nights in a row, baby. Well, not really. Bro, last night was tough for me. Because you can't stay up late, that's why.

No, it's not that I couldn't stay up late. It's just I don't think a meal should last that long. Shout out to a meal. Word up to email. So we, yeah, I was hungover as fuck. I had to do Edward Pedialyte hands. I ate a bagel. We walked around. But, like, after we, like, walked around to, like, get the blood flowing and drink a bunch of water and, you know, eat up by me, we just slept all afternoon. Just, like, in the bed. Meanwhile, I'm out strolling, checking out some vintage clothing, hitting classic New York establishment Café Jetant for New York's original Arvo test. They had the first avocado toast in New York? No joke. That's the first avocado toast I ever had in my life was at Café Jetant. Bro, is he for real? It's crazy. You were doing all this cool stuff, checking out Arvo. I put an egg on top, of course. Checking out some local ceramics. Yeah. There's this guy who takes old driftwood that's reclaimed and he drills a hole so you can put wine bottles into it. That's not what I was doing. And you could sell them at Bluestone Lane before you have your juice. That seems like a coffee place you would go to, to be honest. Fuck you. So, yeah, I was with Kobe and Claire. We were around the neighborhood. And then I also came home and tried to take a nap, but I couldn't really. I couldn't do it. Because I knew this dinner started at 8 p.m. Which is too fucking late. Normal time to eat dinner. 7 p.m. is a normal time to eat dinner. Want to make a podcast? Spotify's got a platform that lets you make one super easily, then distribute it everywhere, and even earn money. We like that. All in one place for totally free. It's called Spotify for Podcasters, and here's how it works. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your cellular telephone or your computer. So no matter what your setup is like, you can start creating today. Then you can distribute your podcast to Spotify and everywhere else, those other places that podcasts are heard. Video podcasts are also available on Spotify. And when you want to take conversations with your fans to the next level, Q&As and polls are the best way to get them talking. With Spotify for podcasters, you can earn money in a variety of ways, including ads and podcast subscriptions.

And best of all, it's totally free. Zero catch. We've been using it ever since we started How Long Gone. And ever since I discovered Spotify for Podcasters, I feel like having the option of turning off the Q&As and the polls on the user dashboard has really helped boost my creativity and take it to another level. I highly recommend giving it a try. Download the Spotify for Podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com slash podcasters to get started. Yeah, I don't know why we planned this dinner at all. You don't know why we planned a group dinner amongst friends to enjoy a meal in New York? What do you mean? It just seemed... You said it seemed unnecessary. No, no, no. I was happy to be there. But, you know... No, I don't know. Please explain. Eight people at the grill feels like a special occasion. Yeah, what's wrong with creating a special occasion out of nothing? Do you work for Hallmark? I mean, sure. Look, I'm in the same boat as you. I want to eat with one person basically all the time. Okay, sometimes even a woman? Yeah. I hate a group dinner, but that was a good group dinner because we're all close friends. Yeah, you're right. And we were sitting in a horseshoe pattern where we're all kind of able to look at each other. And not a straight row where one person's on one end and you can't talk to the person on the other end. I like my dinners to be more Last Supper style with me in the middle. And I only talk to my consigliere to my left and right. And everybody's kind of facing out. That's a little more my swag. Well, sorry that that's not how I went down at the grill. But we had a nice meal. And not as expensive as I thought it was going to be. A master class in slow service. Honestly, the food was really good. I really enjoyed it. The food was great, but service was terrible. And I don't like all the tables. It's boring. I don't want you to pour alcohol. I don't need fire. I don't care about any of that shit. That happens in the kitchen. I don't need to see it. I just don't get that. It's just performative, and I understand that you'll make more money if you do it, because it's like...

I mean, I don't know if you make more money doing it. Well, I think in theory you get more tips. You can charge more money for it when you put on a show, for sure. But, I mean, that's been a thing for, you know, that's the Benihana effect. The problem is usually when you go to a place where they make a physical show of the food preparation like that. the flight you know benihana case in point like nobody goes there because the food is fucking delicious unless you're like a soundcloud rapper you go there because like the shrimp goes into your front shirt pocket or whatever and you see the volcano made out of onions and stuff like that the food is made it's fine yeah this place is the show and and it's tight yeah i just don't i don't want to be at a meal for more than an hour and a half damn like that's just that i'm good like but it's because i don't drink Yeah, that's the main thing. I know that's the issue. I know this is my issue, and it was a beautiful place and great company, and the food was great. Actually, you know what? Chopped salad, salty. It was a little salty. Not good. How did you like the inclusion of the black bean? I did like that. I kind of like that. It's like a little protein addition to a pile of greens. Yeah, the only lacking thing on the menu was a nice salad. I was expecting some more five-star salad work going on there. A wedge, a niçoise. I was surprised by that as well. But it was nice. I just find that I couldn't tell if everyone was getting that same slow roll service or if we were getting it. I couldn't tell. I think when you're in a situation like that, you have to go into it knowing that we're not going to dinner to eat food and go home. This is the whole thing. We're going to a movie that is three hours long, and we're all in it together. This is the thing. Unless you have made peace with that, then it's going to be frustrating. Also, if you don't drink. then it's probably going to be very tough. But I think the whole point of it is you sit down at 8 o'clock and there's no, you know, it's like you let them kind of take control and like here's the pace of it. We're all pros here. It's going to move slow. You're going to like it. But see, I got to tell you, I didn't think it felt that pro. That's the thing. I feel like a more attentive service feels more pro.

You want them to touch the table more than you were touched. I'm like, I didn't have water half the time. Yeah, that was the only downside. And normally, like you said, normally I'm complaining about all that shit. But for some reason, I felt like I was, maybe because the server was like a career server. He's probably 60 years old. He's got a Rolex. He makes more money than us. He looks like the singer of Smash Mouth. But he's wearing a suit and he's like, he's been doing this for decades. He's like a full pro. So I couldn't even be passive aggressive to him. No, of course. But I feel like that's the same experience where you go to somewhere like Musso and Frank's, even though the food's not as good, the service was 10 times better. It's like incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's true. Like more personality, touch the table more. I'm never out of anything. I don't know. I just, but I will go back. I mean, it's a beautiful room and the food's good. It's fine. It's just like, yeah, I just find all of that to be like, why are we doing it this way? Yeah, it's a more – I was talking about it with Cho. When you become a certain age and whatever it is, you want to have a meal where that's it. That's the bar, the dinner, the club. It's all into one thing of we want to sit here. We want to have bottle after bottle of very cool wine. We want to have stimulating conversation. We want to be able to be comfortable. have a good conversation hear each other but still in a hot lively room where it's exciting and fun and that's like what is what's stimulating and satisfying to us if you want to get up and use the restroom you just walk down a beautiful hallway open a door use the restroom and walk back to your table you don't have to bang on the door you don't have to well i had to see i had to see 15 drunk barefoot chicks walking around because there was a wedding going on at the pool. Well, you know, that was just a wedding. That's true. But, no, I know what you mean. No, I think the appeal, it's weird because that's usually, that is, like, in theory, my perfect restaurant. You know, in many ways. Just you and your bros. You have a boys' night out. You have your phone out. You're looking at your baby cam. Checking on Brooklyn. Ordering Pappy Van Winkles while Chase sleeps at home in Park Slope.

Should we do another round of pap? I said yesterday, by the way, have you ever met a Chase that's not Christian? Absolutely not. Chase is an extremely Christian name. What's up with that? I don't know. Interesting. No, I see that. But, yeah, it was a nice meal. And for some reason. Because of... I think your defenses were down because you're so hungover that you were just letting it wash over you. I think it's because I was not in home court territory, and I was clearly out of my class level. That was clear. But we were all out of our class level there? Come on, bro. Cho wasn't. Cho wasn't. No, I mean, but it's a place where people... No, it felt – the other thing about restaurants – Investment bankers who are cool. The thing about that restaurant too and any restaurant like that when it's like expensive and like kind of famous is it feels – like it feels basically a special occasion restaurant. Like you look around. Everybody is like celebrating something. The guy was getting a quiz in art as a gift for his birthday. You know what I mean? So it's like that takes me out of it a little bit too. Yeah, but Chris, one thing you need to learn when you're rich. Anything can be a special occasion if you want it to be. And last night, even though you're not rich, it was your birthday because we told them that it's your birthday. Yeah, I don't know why last night turned into a Chris roast a little bit, but I didn't mind it. How's it feel? I don't roast you. Oh, come on, bro. I got roasted a good amount, but it was good to give you a little roasting. There was a couple of really good TJ wins in there. Yeah, there was a very good one that I just remembered. You and I argue about being good at sports all the time and how like, oh, bro, you get me in the batting cage, I'll whoop your ass. I'm better at golf than you. You're better at lacrosse than me. Oh, you want to do track and field? I'll see you on the fucking track. Yeah, your 500 dash is better than mine. But one thing you always come back to is football. Because even though you've never played football ever, apparently,

You're very good at throwing up football. I was the quarterback of the Tom Brown football team. We won. Okay. And you were playing against, like? Models, actors, rappers. I mean, look, athletes come in all shapes and sizes, Jason. You don't have to be a professional athlete to be an athlete, and that's something I don't think you understand. The only athlete on that field other than you was Lil Uzi Vert. He was not much of an athlete, but he did injure a few players with his chain. So maybe he was playing 4D. But you were talking about, and I was like, well, Chris is not great at football, but I have to admit he does have a good spiral. And everyone's like, yeah, Chris is always talking about, you know, he has a perfect spiral. Such a good, like, he's not good at nose tackle. He's not good at, you know, offensive line. If you go into the left corner of the end zone, I'm going to put it in your hands. But you always talk about, it's not the distance, it's not the speed, but. It's how beautiful the spiral is. It's poetic. It's like a gazelle jogging. And then I said, Chris, I think it did have a good spiral. It was about 2017, 2018. That did land. People were very excited about that. That was good. That was good. You had a captive audience. We got, you know, sometimes. Sometimes we got a roast. That's all it is. I loved it. That was the best part of the meal for me, besides the pretzel. Okay, what else do we have on my nice little docket? I have a bunch of stuff on here, but I don't really want to talk about any of it. I'm excited that when I go back to L.A. tomorrow, masks are... Masks are done. If you're vaccinated, you don't have to wear a mask. Gavin Newsom finally beat down. After going to the Super Bowl and dapping up Shaq without a mask on, finally came around. So I get to go to Equinox. I mean, everyone at Equinox, all the trainer people who always give me the evil eye for not wearing my mask all the way over my face perfectly.

Yeah, there's this one time, it was like a month ago, I was just like stretching and my mask had like fallen off and my nose, my big old schnoz. That's like having your dick out. Put the mask over your nose. So stupid. You look stupid. There was like a couple, like a husband and wife, and they were on the treadmills doing like a couple's walk. Disgusting. When two people are walking on the treadmill next to each other. They're talking? They're talking. They're doing anything but. If you can talk while you exercise. I know. You should not be doing that. And it's a thing that I see all the time because my, like, stretching kettlebell area is right by the line of treadmills. And there's always two people walking and talking to each other. And it's usually, like, Armenian real estate agents who have, like, an IQ of 12 but have, you know, a $17 million house. It's just like, bro, brother, brother, just take pictures of the bathroom, brother. So it's normally that, but there was a couple and it was like a pussy-ass guy and an annoying-ass chick. And I had my headphones on. I'm like stretching like by myself. And the woman starts looking at me and she starts pointing at my mask. And then I have my headphones on and I give her like a look of like, what are you talking about? Like how can I help you kind of thing? And then she points at her mask again. And then I'm like, okay. And I have to turn my music off, pull one AirPod out. You take Malcolm Gladwell out of the ears. Fuck Malcolm Gladwell. Don't listen to that pussy. I pull it out. I pull out my cool ambient music. I'm having a new age cool down. I reached my zen. I'm in like a perfect chi state. And now I have to stop that. And I'm a little angry now. Sure. And she's like, your mask. Can you put your mask up over your nose? And then I just start laughing kind of. And I look at the husband. And he just looks down. And then I'm like, and I just don't do anything. And then the vibe gets really weird. So I just start staring at both of them. Yeah, of course. Yeah, you got to intimidate after that. And then she pretends like she has a phone call.

So she grabs her phone and gets off the treadmill and starts walking around by the elliptical. She's going to tell on you. She's about to go tell. So then I look at her on the fake phone call, and then I just start focusing on the husband. And it's just me and him. It's dicks out yet again in your life. And 35 seconds, they both get off, and they both just leave. They left the gym. So you intimidated a family from working out by staring at them. Yeah. Cool. It was cool. But I'm saying all that is to say, I don't have to do that anymore. And this is going to be so. Well, this was, yeah, in my gym, apparently I never witnessed this, but it was getting very contentious. Like people were like getting banned for arguing about masks. Like the same thing. Like somebody would be like, hey, put your mask on like aggressive. And they'd be like, fuck you. And it would just turn into a fight. Because it's like you, it's the self-policing. I mean, the. It's weird. Like if somebody that works there tells you, you're just like, all right, yeah, my bad. Of course. But if you're – I don't know why. It just hits different. I think the problem is that – I mean like I'm not an anti-masker. I think if you have to wear a mask indoors at the gym because it's illegal not to or those are the rules, I'm happy to follow the rules. Yeah, same. If my mask comes down over my nose a little bit and I mess up. No, it's never good. No, it's always a little aggressive or just weird. It's always in a contentious vibe that makes you not happy to put your back. It's never like, oh, shit, I'm so sorry. To be fair, I don't know if you can do it any other way. That's the problem. You have to work really hard. You have to just tell. You have to go tell somebody like, hey, this guy is over here. But, you know, I've never told on anybody for wearing a mask. But sometimes there are people in the gym where I'm like. I can just smell the COVID on you, and I'm glad I'm wearing my mask so I don't have to breathe your air. But I would never go up to somebody and be like, hey, man. No, it's narc shit. You can't do it. It's narc shit. So there really is no good way of doing it. And also, if somebody, like, people are crazy, bro. Like, you could say to somebody and just get duffed out. Like, you don't know. Especially at the gym. People are all pumped up on HGH to get the blood flowing into the muscles again. Look, I could do it myself. I don't know. Yeah, they're psyching themselves up to do.

100-pound dumbbells in each hand. Their friend is hitting two-by-fours over their back. Yeah, you don't want to fuck with that guy. Excuse me, sir. Let's get the mask over. Someone's getting thrown through a plate gas window. I'm putting a .45 in your ribs, bitch. Today, actually. A plate, not a bullet. Luckily, my ankle's feeling better, so I've returned to Barry's in New York. Yesterday was my first day. I was like, oh, I feel good. This is great. Today, I'm like, I'm back. Day two, let's do it. And the guy next to me, I'm like, this guy's fucking ripped. Like, so fit. He's wearing all the cool Nike shit. He, we, you know, you get in the class and usually people, like, walk or jog for the first couple minutes, like, while the instructors explain what we're about to do. This guy. Warm up. 12. Can you explain? 12, is it? 12. 12 on the treadmill. 12. I'm jogging at a six to warm up. This guy's. Which is pretty fast. Puts it on a 12. This motherfucker. did not go below 12 for the entire class. So when everybody's running, all right, so six to nine, this guy ran on 12 the whole time, sprint on a 15, was an absolute monster, then went down to the floor, only used 50-pound dumbbells for the entire workout, shirts off, neck tats. The whole thing was really impressive. He must be an instructor. I was like, damn i was feeling good about myself like i'm back on the treadmill this is sick this motherfucker was i've never seen anything like it do you because to me it's a little bit like okay bro i maybe there needs to be like a barry's pro barry's pro or something that for people like that people like you to aspire to be yeah i mean that's not a bad idea because at a certain point if there's one person who's doing that who's like gone 15 shit it's like distracting the whole room is looking at him like Is everything okay at home? What demons are you working at? I was very impressed. It was humbling and impressive, my two favorite things. Did you guys get to build afterwards at the Earth Bar? I don't talk to people there really like that. Really? That's strange. Yeah, I know. It's crazy, right? I mean, the men's locker room is an interesting place. I mean, I don't...

I wouldn't talk to anybody in a workout class either, but if I see something that impressive, I can't hold my tongue. No, because then... I have to be like, bro, that was fucking early. I don't want to give him the satisfaction. Why? I don't want to give him the satisfaction because I'm an athlete, Jason. I'm competitive. You know what I'm saying? That man, when we're on the treadmills, I'm trying to kill him. Okay, well... I lost, of course, and I will continue to lose, but I have a fighter's mindset when I'm out there. Okay, well, consider the mind game, you know? That's TJ style, where you're psyching him out so he breaks his ankle. You compliment a person. You make it sound earnest. But then that plants the seed. You know what's really going on. If he's doing all of this physical feats, there's not much going on up top. Great point. He's a bulldog, not a sniper. We've been over this before. I'm trying to find the beautiful intersection of bulldog and sniper. That's where I want to live. Bulldog and sniper. That's the name of our Nolita. Barbershop and Atelier. No, I think Bulldog and Sniper is more our Black Rifle competition. Shout out to Black Rifle. We hope your IPO fails because of your troubling CEO. Do you an IPO? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was reading something that... I didn't know that. Some of their darker roasts are being uncovered, like their CEO or somebody high up on the board over there has previous history of like... A lot of fraud, fraudulent behavior and market manipulation. White-collar stuff is not my problem. Pumping and dumping and pulling shots. All that stuff is cool. The racist stuff is not cool. The white-collar crime is cool. It's a toxic work environment. Oh, really? Who would have thought? When you go paintballing for fucking team building, I think it gets a little gnarly. If you're a woman that works in the office, it's not going to be a safe place for you. No, it's not. So, you know, hopefully Black Rifle Coffee crumbles. And hopefully Blue Bottle Coffee crumbles. And I guess that's it. That's it. That's a great way to sign off. We want Homecoming and Tinker and Maru to thrive. Yeah, we want all our independent coffee roasters to make money. Okay, coffee bean and tea leaf, get on in here. You guys are chill. You know what? You guys are Switzerland. That crushed ice isn't for me, but people love it. I like a crushed ice. All right, Chris.

Thanks for welcoming me into your East Village casita. It's nice to see that the Byredo is still pumping. You already know, Jason. If you know one thing about me, it's going to smell good where I'm at. You know what I mean? Yeah, one thing about Chris's crib off top, off rip, is going to smell good. And off rip, there's going to be a bunch of very cool art that hasn't been hung on the wall yet. We have a big week of podcasts, and we have a special announcement on Tuesday. Oh, yeah. Special announcement on Tuesday. We're firing up the tour bus. Yeah, we're firing up the tour bus. If you live in North America's hat, just get your fucking Apple wallet ready. You know what I'm saying? More info on that on Tuesday. But thank you to the On Air Festival. Thank you to The Grill. Thank you to Dr. Clark's. Thank you to the Jane Hotel rooftop, the Nines, everyone who supported our trip here in New York. You know, let's just keep nightlife alive, Jason. Amen, brother. Pops home, I ain't getting frisk. I put your security at risk. Pops home, I ain't getting frisk. I put your security at risk. I put the security at risk. Okay, we gonna make this an event. Y'all gonna need security for this. Yeah. I ain't getting frisked. I put your security at risk. I walk in the criminal getting frisked. Butt naked in the kitchen cooking grits. Tell your mama come give me a kiss. Security gonna need security for this. I ain't getting frisked. I'll put your security at risk. I ain't getting frisked. Don't put the security at risk. Never take the family picture off the fridge. Never stand between a man and his kids. Y'all ain't got enough security for this. Y'all ain't got enough security for this. I'll put your security at risk. I'll make your security equipment. Like, we don't get paid enough for this.