088. - Chris Black & Jason Stewart

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hello christopher oh what's up big dog big sunday the lord's day all praise be to him how are you um i'm i'm doing okay you know just another hot day in the dale um you know woke up real early had to hit smash the publish button on my subbie and then play some tennis with you Jason and I, yeah, full disclosure, Jason have already hung out for two hours today. So we have plenty to talk about still, luckily, because the world is moving at an exceptionally fast pace. And also, we weren't really talking that much while we were hanging out. We were mostly smacking that ball around, weren't we, Chris? We were smacking the ball, and then we hit your favorite Whole Foods Burbank for a little post-smash smoothie, if you will. Yeah, it's good form to cop the smoothie post-smash. It's just a nice thing to do. It's a gentlemanly move. Yeah, it's the new cigarette. Not to take away from your subbie. Actually, let's just go ahead and dive into the subbie. Okay, let's dive into the subbie, my friend. So Brett, let's break down the general idea of what you're pitching to people as the cigarette relates to maybe not overconsumption, but indulgence. I think gluttony was the word I was using. But yeah, I mean, overindulgence, same thing. But it's basically based on the theory that if we're going to do it, really go for it and you know in these in these uncertain trying times where dining out you know is met with a lot of restrictions and you know the the restaurant experience is not as enjoyable right now for you know covid reasons obviously so i was drawing some parallels between that and then you know the mid-90s

smoking ban on restaurants and how that affected the way we ate and how fun the dining experience is. And then the European culture is a lot more open to cigs at the bistro type of vibe and how that is a dying art. Sig's at the Vistro is our new mixtape. No question. That's fire. That's a good title. I understand where you're coming from, and I think it makes a lot of sense. I mean, it was well put, of course, by you because you're a poet, but I also think the concept is something maybe people should subscribe to. Well, the sub stack is definitely something they should subscribe to. I don't know how many subscribers they can have before the servers break down, but I must be getting close. You're not. Yeah, I mean, you know, our world is, we're living in a cucked zone, and this is sort of a way to maybe claw back and stake your claim. I know you as a man who, unfortunately myself, I've proven that I'm not able to lightly indulge. I'm mostly a go all the way, redlining my life. But you, a man of great restraint, obviously, because you put up with me, you kind of eat whatever you want and do whatever you want, but you do it all in a measured way, and it seems to work for you. And I wonder if other people could kind of learn something from TJ. Yeah, I mean, a lot of it... A lot of it is, I mean, and I guess none of it is really new. It could be sort of compared to the cheat day style of eating. But I think the original kind of thesis that I had in mind was the kind of the subscribing to the thought process that if you are going to be restricting your meals and your diet and you're going to be eating healthy and controlling

calories and intake and everything like that, you do have to have some type of cheat day unless you are a joyless person who only eats for sustenance versus pleasure. Unfortunately, I'm not there yet, but I'm trying to get there, which is my own issues. But don't fight that if that's who you are. But when you read stories or pieces on that subject matter a lot of them will also include the fact that like you know when you do have a cheat day it's important to really you know experience it and let it wash over you so that you are you're not eating you know this bad for you food and then being riddled with guilt the whole time because you won't really be able to enjoy it and then you know it'll be sort of like a moot point where You didn't get what you needed out of that cheat day because you didn't really just give in and go for it. So kind of like if you're going to go to In-N-Out, you know, get the double-double animal style. Get the fries with melted cheese all over them. Get a milkshake to drink. Don't go and get a glass of ice water and then a protein style, you know. cheeseless burger with no with no mayonnaise on it or something like that because you know at that point you might as well just at that point you you know you're not really eating in and out you're just eating you know yeah whatever and you're not and you won't feel fully satiated because when when you eat that gluttonous bad for you meal you should you know be you should you should be thinking like damn that was amazing i enjoyed every minute of it And I'm excited to tomorrow go back to my regularly scheduled program of eating where I'll go back to that. And then I will actually, you know, if you do it the right way, then you'll actually get excited to begin eating, you know, cleanly again. And that's kind of the flywheel of eating success.

i think you're right i think you're right and i i unfortunately will never subscribe to this program but i do appreciate the idea and i think it'd be good for a lot of people but you won't subscribe to that program because you know that you won't be able to control like if you do cross that line then you won't be able to be well i'm i'm pretty good with food actually but like you know like french fries are good but i don't really even let my like i let myself have them on friday night With the muscles at bar restaurant, it was delicious. But now all I can think about is fries. I just want more fries, TJ. I want fries. When you restrict yourself from eating these rich, fatty, gluttonous, delicious meals, then... Don't say fatty. Don't say fatty. That's too far. Okay. But when you really restrict yourself from eating them, then they should behave as a treat in your mouth. um and not just like oh i i figured out a way to eat french fries and still be okay like you should you should not have that mindset you should be like i did a bad thing i loved it and then tomorrow back to my regularly scheduled sakara life exactly so it's it's it's like what you do with ketamine too which is an interesting approach as well yeah That's right. Once a week, you get into the hole, it's fun, and then you look forward to next time, but you can't do it every day. That's more or less true. It was basically saying, if you're going to be doing that, then why don't you really go head first and jive into the deep end and introduce a cigarette into the game plan. And then if you are an advanced eater who is really trying to touch... fly too close to the sun and live, then figure out a way to enjoy that cigarette with your meal simultaneously versus afterwards. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Or both. Or both. I think you would do both if it really came down to it. Before, during, and after.

I've seen TJ blast in all arenas of his life, so I would not put blasting mid-meal past you, but I respect that, and I think you make smoking look cool. And I think smoking is cool, and that's the thing that people need to realize. Yeah, and also it's important to teach the seeds, show the younger generation a thing or two. That they might not be aware of because they just aren't old enough to know what that was like. You can look cool and get lung cancer, no matter what age you are. Start now, losers. Yeah, so, you know, go check it out. Let me get a bite is the name of the sub stack. Hit the blast that subby button. In other news, you know. Luckily for me, Saturday Night Live comes on at 9.30 p.m. So I can actually stay up to watch it on West Coast time. And man, was it fucking bad. So this was Chris Rock and Megan Thee Stallion. yeah i mean chris rock was like abysmal actually like he he was constantly reading the the fucking teleprompter in like a really obvious obvious way which i i feel like he's he should be past that at this point you know what i mean this guy's been in hollywood for fucking 30 years but anyway and also he was on snl for years yes Yes, he's familiar with the process and how it all works. Yeah, Miley Cyrus should not be running circles around you on your own court. Well, you know, Miley's advanced. But overall, it was just piss poor, man. I don't know. If you think Jim Carrey is funny, you're stupid. That's honestly humor for stupid people. He's never been funny. None of those fucking movies are funny. Liking Dumb and Dumber is a low IQ move. Sorry.

It is. Yeah, I mean, I don't really think his brand of comedy aged well, but when all those movies first came out, I remember being a kid and watching Ace Ventura and being like, bro, this is it. This is that gas. Even as a child, I did not think that was that petrol. I did not think that. Even as a young CB, I was like, why does this guy make stupid faces? That's not funny. That's not being funny. Running into a wall is not funny. Some people would disagree with that. Some people might call you joyless, perhaps. well you know what i'd rather i'd rather be right and joyless than wrong and stupid and that's the that's the hill i'm willing to die on but i just him as joe biden it just isn't i don't know it just it's like he gets the voice really correct obviously because he's like a i mean that's the thing he's a very seasoned professional he's like he's like actually good at the art of it it's just like the man the man can improvise with the best of them and his impressions are biden yes the biden The Biden voice is unbelievable. If you're not looking at the screen, you think it's Biden. Okay, so then what's the downside then? Is it just that Biden himself is not a compelling enough character? Because we all know what the Trump voice is, and when you see Alec Baldwin do it, you're like, damn, this motherfucker is nailing it. He's spitting right now. I know what Biden's voice sounds like. I can recognize it. If I'm just listening to it, I'll be like, oh, that's Joe Biden. But he doesn't have a particularly – he doesn't have a lot of flair and unique characteristics going on with his voice other than just like generic older white guy. It's neither of them. I actually think Alec Baldwin is bad as Donald Trump. No way. He's actually – I think he's good.

No, I think it's not accurate enough, and he exaggerates it too much. I think it could be a little more subtle. It would actually be more funny. Interesting. I think he uses a decent amount of restraint. I mean, I don't think it's bad. It's like it's Saturday Night Live. I think it works. I just think if he restrained it a little bit, it would be better. But overall, it was just... Yeah, Jason. Jason, let's say you're Lorne Michaels. How would you tell Alec Baldwin to reel it in? Alec, walk with me. Let's walk. Alec. First of all, you're doing great. I just want to let you know that, Alec. You know that. I have you at an 11, Alec. I need you at a 4. Do you understand me? See, that's what would work. But I just think it's not funny. You know I'm a Saturday Night Live apologist, a known Saturday Night Live apologist. I think it can be funny. You give them a lot of headroom. I give them a lot of headroom. This was Garbaggio. The whole thing was bad. Megan Thee Stallion was fine. I just don't think that live rap music is that interesting. She tried to use the platform in her own way, which I think was cool. When you say platform, do you mean her physical platform that she was actually standing on? Or do you mean her... No, I mean the platform of national television on a Saturday night. Copy that. Yeah, rap music live is really tough. Rap music live on television to just an empty studio, much, much worse. Well, they do have a crowd, actually. There is a crowd there. Yeah, but it's a bunch of sons and daughters of rich people sitting in a chair. It's not a real... It's far from turned up. Even your favorite Colin Jost didn't have anything during Weekend Update. You know what I mean? Really? He was putting up bricks as well with the troubled Michael Che? I mean, that's the thing, though. I think the problem is there might be too much to pull from right now. You know what I mean? I think it might be a spoil of riches situation as far as the news goes. Yeah, that makes sense.

From Peto getting coronavirus days before and plus having the debate, it's just too much. I feel like they were pulled in too many directions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, damn, I guess you could see a lot of parallels on this podcast, couldn't you? That's why we go every three times a week. If you just go live once a week, you got to cram everything in into that 11 minutes of weekend update. Brother, you got too much. There's too many meatballs for the Tupperware. There's too much. Not even Alison Roman can help you there. Oh, whoa, whoa. Alison Roman, fan of the show, former guest, great cook. I think that this Trump coronavirus shit is truly just too much for people. It's just too good. It's truly God intervening, and it's too funny. People are so stupid. It's just people are losing control. Like the stuff on Twitter is so bad and corny. It's just like, I hope this motherfucker dies. It's just so stupid and obvious. I just don't understand why people cannot be funny about this. I understand it's a dire situation that the country is in, but the way we deal with that is humor. The way not to deal with it is to be earnest and corny. Why do we have to be so earnest and corny? Why is everyone on this fucking planet except me and you, TJ, earnest and corny? What can we do, bro? Honestly, it's making me insane. It makes me not like my... Chris, this is why I substack. Bro, no, it's not. You substack because you want to talk about fucking cheeseburgers and fucking cigarettes. This is why we podcast. I'm getting hungry. No, no, no. I agree with that. I agree with everything that you're saying. A large part of me feels like it would be almost weird at this point if Trump did not get the coronavirus. It's all part of God's plan. A lot of other... Boris got it. Bol and Asario, the Brazilian prime minister got it. All these other people got it and they lived. If Trump dies...

I don't think it's going to do anything except expedite the inevitable civil war that's about to pop off in America. I don't think he's going to die. I don't think he's going to die. But imagine if he did die, he would figure out a way post-humblessly from the grave to say that it was fake news. Even while we're watching his funeral, someone on Trump's account will be saying this funeral is false. This is MSNBC's fault. I'm not actually dead. It's never going to stop even when he's dead somehow. As we both know, nothing makes you cooler than dying. You know what I mean? Dying solidifies you as a fucking legend. Dying young, of course, is the preferred way. Joining the 27 Club or anything like that is obviously the 100% way. But even dying as a fat 75-year-old president, it still solidifies you as a legend, especially if it's from an interesting cause. If it's not drug overdose or suicide, then I guess coronavirus is next. Yeah. If Epstein went to 103 in Rikers, we would not still be talking about him. The fact that he died made him this. weird, obsessive legend that we're obsessed with. I guess legend is maybe a bad word, but you can be a bad legend. A legend can be bad or good. The way people are reacting to all things, but this has really pushed people over the top. They're like, I woke my partner up. I called my friends. If you fucking called me at two in the morning to tell me that Trump had coronavirus, I would fucking hang up on you. What the fuck? Why would you do that? What do you think transferring that news at an unreasonable hour is going to do for that person? You think it's going to help them not sleep because either they're happy or they're mad. It's not going to help them sleep. So you're ruining a night of sleep for your friend or partner to tell them news that can wait until the morning.

Yeah. Breaking news is not also urgent news. Those are two different words. Yeah. Disrupting somebody's sleep to tell them something only if it is a life or death emergency or, you know, if it's something serious like, hey, you know, sorry, I'm calling you at three in the morning. I got, you know, I caught a charge. You know, I need you to come bail me out, whatever, you know, or like it's an emergency. Yes. But even if even if somebody that, you know, personally, has passed away. It can wait until six in the morning, King. He ain't gonna get any more dead. I honestly can't tell. I think the Ruth Bader Ginsburg death combined with Trump corona, it's truly testing my patience to use my favorite platform in a way that I've never thought could happen. Well, some other things I've seen online, to play devil's advocate as we do on the podcast, a lot of people could say, obviously it's silly to... to celebrate or be happy about the president you know having a virus that has killed hundreds of thousands of people but also there has been no good news since you know whatever since february like at least let us have this like This crumb of potentially good news. See, that's the problem. Now you're leaning into that part of the Twittersphere that's like, do you remember eating out? I miss travel. It's the same kind of thing. Let us have this one thing. It's like, no, no, we don't get anything. We don't deserve it. That's just where we are as a society. We don't deserve anything. It's gotten this bad because we made it that way. Like, whether you personally did or not, as a group, this is where we're at. So, sorry. If you can't find joy in your everyday life, then that's your fucking problem. Well, you know, people, I guess another problem is people think that Trump himself personally is the reason why everyone is all in this mess. He's the only reason. He's the linchpin. Yes, yes. That's the reason why.

Everything is so bad in the world right now. That's the reason why the forest fires are burning out of control and a virus came from the Wuhan wet markets and invaded our borders to give us the China plan. He went to Wuhan, got the virus himself, brought it back, coughed on people, and got it started. I see that is what people think. Not to be pessimistic, but... you know when trump dies whether or not it's from old age or heart attack dementia or or the crooked chinese virus no it's the world it's it's not going to be it's not going to get any better like everyone will will have an odd celebration of just like i guess you know like i'm a you know it's the year 2020 we have electric cars that park themselves and i can you know order i can hit a button and then whatever food i want from whatever restaurant shows up in my house and also um i'm celebrating the death of my of the president of the place that i live in like it's a it's an odd thing to do of like to even be in a situation where you're happy about the person in charge of your part of the world that you live in died you know I understand it. It's a dictator who is, you know, ruining a lot of people's lives. But, you know, if he didn't do it, unfortunately, somebody else would. He just happens to be really good at being really bad. I mean, it's the same thing as crying when a celebrity dies. It's like celebrating when somebody you don't know dies is just as stupid. It's like he's a terrible guy. He's an awful president. He's the worst president I've ever had. He's bad. He shouldn't win re-election. But the way people talk, it's just insane. It's fucking demented the way people are going on and on about it. It's like it's fucking crazy. And it's also like you're talking to people that agree with you. You know what I mean? Like you're only talking to people who agree with you. Like that's why I find it so unnecessary. It's just like you're preaching to the choir, fam. Like it ain't like this is not a new idea.

This is not a new concept to your fucking 25 followers on Twitter that also went to a liberal arts college in the Northeast and now work jobs where the money just subsidizes their parents' paychecks that they give them. None of this matters. Bottom line, Jason, none of this matters. And you know what does matter is you and I both got verified on Instagram this week. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone. It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive. And that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code how long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code how long with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down.

the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world and i know you particularly have quite a lot of questions a lot of questions but how often because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot how many times do they do three times a week and i i have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do that's just a guess the guardian is not some billionaire owned They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative, but also business minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that. Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know. have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept quote unquote donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Yes, we did together as a team. And that's what matters. It's like we got matching tattoos.

For our social media. Basically, you guys think you're still waiting on this little vaccine or whatever? We got the vaccine. It's called being verified on Instagram. Damn, we found the real cure to what ails this country. All you got to do is get the little checky. My ankle hurt, and then I saw that blue check pop up, and it healed. Ankle don't hurt anymore. Yeah, getting verified on Instagram. It's the new Robitussin. Rub a little Tussin on it, baby. Yes, but the good people at Mad Decent, our new home, specifically a young woman named Miranda, helped us get this done. Yeah, does one Twitch, and then we're... That's it, baby. So I've made fun of Twitch since its inception, and now I realize that its powers can be used for good if you harness them correctly, which is what we're doing. Yeah, it just took a little time to figure out how to, you know... Make Twitch our own. How to game the system for us and for our demographic. Exactly. But yeah, if you go to our profiles and you see that little blue check, you know what I'm saying? Pay respects. And don't even try to talk to us because we ain't talking to your ass. You know what I'm saying? Because when you have the double blue check on both platforms. That's the EGOT, baby. That's the EGOT. That's EGOT. I'm Zendaya now. You know what I'm saying? We're going straight to the top. What are the other verified websites that you need to get in order to get? The internet you got. I don't know who else verifies you. I guess Facebook. You get verified on Facebook, but nobody cares about that. That's the Tony. That's the Karen of Tony's. Do not disrespect our Broadway community on this podcast. I think our Broadway community would agree. Yeah, that's true. I don't know. Can you get verified on LinkedIn? I think if you have a small business, yes.

You can get verified on Yelp. I mean, how long until podcasts start getting verified? Because that could be – I could essentially start a podcast right now called the Tom Cruise Podcast and just have a picture of Tom Cruise on the cover and just do a Tom Cruise impression and hope that Harry's Razors hits me with a DM and I start kicking up until – tom's people send a cease and desist over to anchor.com until the scientologists kill your dog and you have to cancel your podcast yeah i don't know i mean yeah until i until i start my car and it explodes in the driveway that's an interesting idea though but i think podcasts uh you know it'll happen and and unfortunately is still the wild wild west for a little while i mean i i don't know but the verification process for all of this stuff is so unbelievably obtuse and just kind of like obtuse but it's like nonsensical kind of it's like you send an id or you make sure your birth dates on the profile it's these little things that are like this is okay yeah this is what matters well that's because we've forgotten the original origin of getting verified on social media which is am i a person of note enough to have somebody try and you know catfish me or pretend that they are me and that's and that's so you know of like oh there's there's 1100 chris black profiles on instagram how will i know who the real one is oh this it's the one with the check mark but that you know that's not really like people people don't really use the the check mark as a way to to verify that somebody is you know in fact verified as the real person that they should be following it's it's it's obviously now just a badge of honor to brag about and to impress your young influencer nieces and nephews and cousins. I wish I had anybody in my family who cared about what I do or a blue checkmark, but I like that idea. Yeah, could you imagine if you had a little cousin or nephew who was like, oh, damn, you're verified on Instagram? Tell me everything. You'd be like... Can you get me supreme? Gather around, children.

Uncle Chris is going to tell you. Give you some bars, little boy. Tell me what LiveJournal was like, Uncle Chris. LiveJournal, that's real OG shit. It feels different, but it also feels the same. It's hard to explain. It is, yeah. Living in a post-verified world. It's going to take some time. Yeah, I do think my smoothie tasted a little better this morning. I don't know if that was just me or somebody at the Whole Foods knew. You know what I mean? That's what it has to be. I think whoever made the Whole Foods smoothie, they're like, oh, my God, I think he's very funny. And then they're like, all right, let's hit my man off with a little extra scoop of the hemp protein. You know, because my muscles were feeling blood-filled, so I imagine it must be from the extra little bump of protein powder they hit me with. Muscles wet. Muscles wet. Muscles on wet, full of blood. Well, yeah, congratulations, Chris. Congratulations, Jason. I love to do it together. You know what I mean? That's really what it's about. I just love succeeding with my friend, my co-host, my enemy. It's really nice to do it together because alone is just not as fun. Yeah, you want to be able to enjoy the spoils of your hard work and labor with other ones. Otherwise, you're just a curmudgeon sitting at the top of your social media hill. Exactly. Running up that hill. Running up that hill. A kid knocks the soccer ball into your yard. You just take it and put it in the garage. You don't throw it back. Nobody wants that. That's me. The episode last week, somebody called our guest a real... He said, what a can of beans he was. Talking about Matthew. Have you ever heard that expression before? I assume it's a diss. It's a diss. What does that mean? A can of beans. And then I had to follow up to be like, what do you mean by that kind of? I'm sure the person who sent me this message is listening to this right now. And then he said,

kind of what a can of beans he was because he uh the way he was just rattling on and i'm like you know that's a pretty that's a pretty good one i like that is he british is that like a british say i don't think so i think he's just a kooky cat um but i don't i don't think he was i don't think he was particularly rambling no not at all not as much as we ramble yeah seriously but i will also also also dude that's what podcasts are like why would you listen to this if you didn't like rambling Well, I mean, obviously this person is a tried and true HLG fan, but maybe he just doesn't like Jewish people. I don't know what it is. Speaking of rambling, I checked out a podcast that I'd never listened to before over the weekend. Oh, okay. Let's see. What could it have been? I mean, you've listened to WTF. Shut the gate! Lock the gates! Was it the Conan O'Brien show? I've listened to that unbelievably. The Conan O'Brien show is a rough one. It does really well. It's trash, of course. It does really well because he's just a very famous person. But it's also just the same shit. Comedians talking to comedians about comedy. Yeah, the store. I've got my... Oh, Lorne Michaels. Late night. Chris hates it when people talk about the store, don't they? Honestly, comedians talking about comedy, the fact that that is the number one podcast genre is kind of insane when you really think about it. Well, I mean, what's worse, talking about the store as in the name of the comedy store, which is a famous comedy club, or talking about retail clothing stores? you know retail clothing stores are much cooler than a comedy venue i know but in terms of like things to tell stories about you know there's there's not much to mine from but the thing is yeah you know you're right but the thing is they're not necessarily telling stories it's just like they're just a right of pat

A rite of passage to talk about how many times you sat at a table in some gross comedy club with other fat guys. It's not like there's no grandiose story. It's just kind of like we were all there, right, bro? It's like if you talked about Cinespace all the time, you just had to be there. You don't understand what it's like to go to a club. You know what I mean? But you don't because you know that's stupid. I think we've fallen victim to that. If you have a guest, you'll reminisce about. old concert venues. Yes, once in a while. That's literally every Marc Maron episode is that. Every comedy podcast talks about the store. Show me the lie. It's true. To those failing podcast hosts, I say do better. It's just sad. Do better. All those listeners, they love it. Who cares? I don't think they do love it. Unless you're really, really inside baseball, It's not really for much of a market. There's not a big demographic of people who are like, damn, I want to hear Whitney Cummings talk about how bad the parking is at the improv. That's literally what comedy podcasts are about. Chris D'Elia not being able to valet his G-Wagon at the fucking improv. Mark Maron spilled a cranberry juice on his Yeezys. That's literally what it's about. Who's the joke on, though? I'm listening to it, and they're making their little CPM off of it, those little sons of bitches. The joke is absolutely on us. No, I listened to the... very popular red scare podcast which is one of those things much like it's male male companion come town i i just don't care i don't i like listen to i've heard so many people talk about it over the years and no one's ever recommended it to me so i just never listen because i don't care yeah and listening to podcasts unfortunately is pretty tough for me uh so but but i gave red scare a listen i gotta say it was pretty cool

It is pretty cool. I mean, you know, for those types of shows, you know, the Red Scare and the Come Town, I mean, I think Red Scare and Come Town, even though they're both grouped into a similar category. They're grouped together. They're different. Black-pilled leftist, you know, whatever, extreme Antifa podcast or whatever who rose to fame because they like to say the word retard and fag. Or gay, you know, call people gay or something like that. You know, it was a thing that everyone used to do and now they can't do. So it's cheeky and different to do that now. But what's cool about it is that they sound like they really could care less about being there. Which is the antithesis of almost every podcast. That's what I mean. That's what I like about it. The fact that she said if she had to choose, she would vote for Trump is fire because it's just insane. But it's also like she's saying it like she's literally got horse tranquilizer shot into her ass 15 minutes before. They're just so blasé about everything that it's deeply cool. And I think we're too excited when we talk to each other. We get too hyped up. You know what I mean? I think we could take some notes. First of all, we could be hotter. You know what I mean? And we could also care less about doing anything and make it sound so uninteresting that somehow it's actually interesting. Yeah, I mean, I guess that is kind of, you know, when you distill it down like that, not caring has been the sort of simple formula, cardinal rule of how to succeed in almost anything is to, you know. you know a musician an actor whatever any type of the you know any personality if you just don't sound like you really care either way people are going to be fascinated by it they're going to think you're cool and they're going to they're just going to love it you know every every great rock star you know giving a terrible interview you know liam gallagher obviously is like a prime example of not caring and that's why he is you know hasn't performed in 20 years

doesn't release any good music, and people are hanging on every word that he says to this very day because people aren't like that anymore. Well, that's what's happening with the world. Everybody cares too much, and that is the uncooling of the world. It's truly everyone cares so much about everything that it's just tough to be cool. Well, the stakes are so high, and everyone's... Everything that everyone does is a potential opportunity for them to rise to stardom. If you look at it as like, oh, I'm just going to do another dumb thing. Maybe people like it, whatever. I don't know. If you have that attitude, then you're just not going to be an extra person who is trying too hard. And that translates. And, and people latch onto it and people really latch onto it on a podcast where everyone is just on everyone talking on it is, I mean, we're obviously guilty of that as well, but I would say we're much lower on the, on the, on the spectrum compared to, you know, the grand scheme of podcasts where we're not just like, what the fuck is up, baby? You know, like, you know, or like, oh my God, I'm so excited. We're going to podcast. Like, I know I sound crazy right now, but anyways, like, I just want to thank you. There's so many other shows out there that are going so extremely hard and so extremely extra that it is truly a breath of fresh air to listen to people not give a flying fuck either way and find success doing it. And the thing that I like about them and other podcasts like that, even if they are potentially saying some things that are... insensitive to some people um it's also like hey we're gonna do it and and they're getting away with it you know like they they're not being canceled because you don't really you know when they when they say when they say like someone is gay or something is gay or they call somebody retarded even though that is insensitive and offensive to to people and a lot of people could be hurt by that

it's weird like you know some people are able to say things like that and get away with it because it sounds so genuine that it's not coming from you know a dark place of hate and you know almost a term of endearment that that you're able to the it's kind of like flaunting that of like everyone is afraid everyone is walking on eggshells about everything that they're going to say afraid to be canceled and i'm going to walk out onto the train tracks you know, with the blindfold on and look at me. I'm not being hit by the train and everyone is afraid of it. But do you think it's also just they've offended everyone they're going to offend and those people just don't listen anymore? And now it's just like a core, like the listeners are just people who like what they have to say. It's been around long enough where that could happen. You know what I mean? I think there is that, but I think there's also like the energy that you put out into the world of like, if you were offended by something that or Red Scare were saying, I would not even write them a message or an email saying, you guys hurt my feelings and I'm going to leave a one-star review. The energy that they put out into the world, you know they don't care, so you just don't even bother. I figured out a loophole on how to... do whatever i want to do um you know come come try me come test me come come try and cancel me I follow them on Twitter, and I'm familiar with the outlook and kind of what they do, you know what I mean, obviously. But I guess the voices and just the lackadaisical approach to the whole thing was sort of shocking, like you said, because most people, it's like, lights, camera, action, one, two, three, go! So it was interesting to listen to, but I'll probably won't ever listen to it again. But I'm glad I checked it out. I'm only two and a half years old.

Well, another thing is we're living in this interesting and exciting time where somebody can have these odd pieces of content where a lot of people won't understand or get it, where they would never have an opportunity to make money doing that, and now they're able to be the host of their own show, interview whoever they want, talk about whatever they want. And without any backing money behind it, without any production budget, without any media platform other than Apple, they're able to make a good living doing exactly what they want to do, saying exactly what they want to say. you know that's that's the true the true meaning and spirit of of america i guess well jason you first of all two things it's called the golden age of podcasting second thing are you joe rogan um but i mean it's that it's it's you know another podcaster has called it um a pirate ship is basically what these people can build where it's like you know here's the sea of media that everyone is swimming in and everyone's like oh i'm not gonna get written up or I'm not going to get a piece in the New Yorker if I say some things or I'm not going to ever, you know, Netflix is not going to buy my script if I call somebody a fag or whatever it is. You can exist on, you can be deplatformed by every platform except your own and still make a, you know, make a good living. It's really fascinating. I mean, it's truly crazy, but I think it's also... And you could never do that five years ago, ten years ago, anything before that. But I also think it's kind of like it's a little bit of a symptom of the splintering of America where people only want to hear from people that they agree with. You know what I mean? The dark side of it is Infowars and Gavin McGinnis and all these terrible people.

are also able to make a good living spewing all the stuff that they believe in. Yeah, I don't, I mean, you know, I'm a big believer in gatekeepers to some extent. And I do think that the, as good as that is, as great as that is in some ways, obviously because of the power it gives the individual, it's still, you know, it's like any motherfucker can upload anything and that sucks. You know what I mean? That sucks. People suck. Everybody's bad at everything. You know what I mean? 80% of podcasts are unlistenable garbage, the same way 80% of music is unlistenable. You know what I mean? This is something I think about a lot. It might even be a subject that I'll write about in the future, but I think 80% is being very generous. I think that 95% of almost everything is bad. 95% of restaurants in the world are bad. 95% of the clothing that we see on runway shows on Vogue.com are bad. Movies, music, albums, it's all bad. But the thing about movies, at least in my understanding, and maybe television, that is much more difficult yeah that is more of a gatekeeping situation out like there are people that you you need millions of dollars to do that music and podcasting now you just fucking click upload yeah music maybe you pay a little money um but i i think that it's just it's just it's it's we there are people with better taste than me but even even when taking into the i mean what you just said about movies i agree with 100 i think it's absolutely true but you know if you look at you know the thousand movies that came out in the last in the last month or whatever and look look at what the average rotten tomato score of these films are like so many of them are so bad that they don't even get released they'll never see the light of day but the reason those movies exist are for the same the people with bad taste have to have something to watch you know what i mean so it's like the gatekeeper's got to cash the fuck in you know what i mean one man's trash another man's treasure

Exactly. There's just too much stuff out there, obviously, as we continue to toss content into the dumpster like everybody else. I'm not better for it, but I recognize there are people with better taste than me that I would like to police what is happening. The reason I still care about traditional media, for lack of a better term, is because I want to feel like I have achieved something by being a part of something that I respect. You know what I mean? Me shitting out this podcast all day, I love it, and it's really fun, but the gratification is very different from this than being published somewhere that I respect, and I've read since I was in high school or whatever. You know what I mean? Sure, sure, sure. It's two different things, but I think there's a lot of people who just don't care about that. They just want to make money and talk to people that agree with them, and that's just two different approaches. Yeah, I think there's a lot of parallels to that and my life partner's line of work. in the fashion world of styling of the one for you, one for them mentality that you might see that an actor would take or balancing the commercial work versus the editorial work and one can't exist without the other and your creative well-being and spirit and output and all that stuff. I think that as time progresses and we're able to create a following and have your own platform and media you know we're we're going to be getting gratification in different ways that are going to start to outweigh those those old media platforms of like it's yes it's amazing to get your story published in the new york or whatever because then you know you can hang it up in your bathroom and you can tell your grandkids about it but you also you know You made $300 for doing that and it's not going to get you shit. And I could, you know, create a sub stack and write a story about how I like smoking cigs and make way more money than that in an afternoon. After a while, you know, I think the tide might shift. Yeah, but it's going to take a lot of people dying for that to happen. You know what I mean? But yes. Yeah, I mean, I know what you mean. Well, I guess the bigger picture thing that I'm...

pointing out is like, what are these kind of legacy media platforms going to do to keep the talent on board? Because we all know that you can't make any money writing for any of these magazines or anything like that unless you're at the top, top, top, top, top. And you may get some gratification, you may not. You may get some new followers, you may not. It's the same thing that we see with record labels and artists being like, why would I sign to a 360 deal with Universal Warner Music Group? I'm going to have to sell 100,000 albums a day for the rest of my life. I'm going to have to get 500 billion streams in order to pay back my advance. why would i do that all right kanye calm down all right kanye let big sean have his contract kanye if it's happened in the music world why won't it happen you know in the writing well i i I think that it, no, I think it very well could happen. I just, this is my whole thing with fashion as well. It's like, there's just the old guard is still the old guard and they're not going away. So things are not going to change. You know what I mean? There's going to have to be a whole generation of people that need to die and literally die for things to change that much. You know what I mean? I think that, I think that's the reality, but I mean, I think there's good things and bad things about it. I don't really know how to feel. I mean, I just think that like, I recognize that some of my hangups are personally mine and stupid. You know what I mean? Like I definitely, I like. I mean, it's ingrained in your body. I mean, it's the same thing for me of like, it's stupid for me to want to start a restaurant because it's a terrible business idea. But, you know, thousands of people open restaurants every year despite what a dumb idea it is because it's just a thing that's like, I really want to do it. I told myself I would do it. It's a goal of mine. I don't care if I make money or lose money. It's just a thing I got to do for me. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just really love snacking. Or I really just want to profile Demi Lovato in Rolling Stone. That's just what I want to do. Thank you. Finally, I feel seen. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But in 10 years, there ain't going to be a Rolling Stone, baby. That's not true. But they exist all over the place. Have you ever been to Colorado, bro?

Yeah, I mean, I'll go into the Colorado Barnes & Noble. I'm sure there's a line around the corner every Friday when the new Rolling Stone comes out. Oh, no, no. I meant actual Rolling Stones, like rocks. Oh. Like crumbling from a boulder coming off a giant. Copy that. You're talking about actual geological stones. I'm talking about going outside, baby. You know what I'm saying? Oh, well, I mean, ain't going to be that either, bro. Damn, really makes you think. Thanks, Obama. Woo, TJ. Fucked up my climate, baby. But everything's fucked up, and you know what? It's fine, because this is the world we live in, guys, and we don't get a second chance. Damn, YOLO life. Now that we are in October, how does it feel to be, you know, Kinfolk Chris is now turning into OVO Christopher. That's right. OVO Chris is loving. It's OVO season right now. There's a little chill in the air in New York. Halloween gang. Chris, we are in October. The month of Halloween, I've already begun decorating the crib in Glendale a little bit. I copped a skeleton and it's on display. Shout out to Phoebe Bridgers, our favorite listener. I posted the skeleton on stories and multiple people had the same comments saying, You know, some form of Chris needs to stop skipping leg day, et cetera, et cetera. You know, some good stuff in there. Well, I, you know, I am missing a, you know, I got this great new La Mer v-neck sweater that I can't wear. You know what I mean? So that's a little problematic. Not brisk enough. I mean, it's not brisk enough at all. I mean, it's literally been 100 degrees the last two days, and I think it's going to reach 100 today. But you know what? This is a choice I've made. And honestly, I do love pumpkin spice season, but I think that I don't like it enough to care. And also, I'm going to see the leaves change next year. It's fine. You know what I mean? I can go apple picking next year. Unless Donald Trump gives us all coronavirus and we all die. You know what I mean? I'll be able to head upstate in a vintage Porsche and do some apple picking for Instagram stories. It'll be great. You know, I've never been apple picking. Have you?

No, because it's for fucking dorks. Why would you do that? What about just quote-unquote going upstate? What are your thoughts on that? I like upstate. I've been a lot. Not a lot, but I've been six to eight times. What do you do there? Nothing. I mean, that's the thing. I could also never go again. I mean, it's just nice to get a nice house and have space. So it's like when we went to Lake Arrowhead kind of vibe. You sit around, you have a little wine, you go for a little walk around the grounds. Yeah, there's nothing to do. Nothing I hate more than nothing to do. So I don't love just being somewhere because it's pretty. That doesn't do much for me. Idle hands do the devil's work, Chris. But I understand the popularity of upstate, especially if you live in the city. I think that going there from anywhere else is insane. But if you live in New York, you can drive two and a half hours. Hudson's pretty cool. So me flying to New York to go upstate would be – that's a little – it's not so worth it. No, that's demented is what I would call it. Demented. Yeah, I think that – LA, you got Palm Springs, you got Ojai, nothing to do there. Nothing. Palm Springs is at least like chic, and there's like a history, and there's restaurants. Yeah, I've never been to Ojai, and I don't think it's ever going to happen for me at this point. I mean, it's fine, but I just don't really get it. I just don't. I mean, I guess it's like anywhere else, though, which is the reality. If you go to the nicest hotel somewhere, it's always going to be fun. Yeah, for me, it's like there's nothing going on at Ojai that I can't just already get here. The same wine I'm going to drink in Ojai is going to be available here for $10 less. I just don't really see it. There's no water feature. The climate is just kind of the same. I guess there's some more woods. Going anywhere that's not a major city or an ocean, I don't really care. Yeah.

Well, so I guess the next super spreading trip for us is going to have to be Viva Las Vegas. Dude, we're going to do it. Dude, if we can secure the guests that we've discussed for how long gone Las Vegas residency at Club Excess. If we were able to pitch a podcast residency the way DJs do it in Vegas and we just set up shop in a hazmat tent in a fucking FEMA tent and we just have... Alright, and this week we got Carrot Top and then... Alright, Jason, do we book Wayne Newton or is he unavailable? All of... Yeah, because everyone in Vegas is like, oh, we got nothing to do and nobody wants us to be on their podcast. We are fucked. That's a good point, actually. We're going to have to come to them. I think us going to Vegas to do a couple high-profile pods is not a bad idea. I think it's a good idea and I also think it's funny. And honestly, it's such a good idea. I feel like we would have to take a cameraman like the way that rappers did in 2010 when everybody had a guy with a DLSR with them at all times. Yeah, I mean, have we moved past the need to get a vintage 90s camcorder and film it Alexa Demi style? Or are we going back to the red cam? We're done with that now? we're we're in the middle like rappers have killed rappers and streetwear have killed vhs so i think we need to go somewhere in the middle where it's just classic high def but not we don't need red right now we could just do it we could do a sony a7 you know with a steadicam you know and then we'll obviously for tj vision we'll have to get you the the headlamp with the gopro yeah yeah that's already that's already in my amazon in my amazon shopping cart don't worry because that that would really make it i think people need to see tj vision you know we just cut and it turns into tj vision for a second you know what i mean damn smash cut to tj vision exactly where it's just you looking at the starbucks inside of the hotel smoking a cigarette and the menu's just a little higher you know we can call it big bird's eye big bird eye

Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Man, we give it away for free on this podcast. I guess that's kind of the nature of podcasts. And also, I'm excited to sample the Las Vegas dining scene and maybe blast out 1,500 words. I mean, we should do it. The content opportunity is large, and I feel like it's probably just so weird there right now. If we go there, are we going to fly or are we going to drive? Oh, we got to drive. Okay. wow that was the least chris black thing i've heard you say in months interesting well jason i don't want it i obviously i hate driving but i think it adds to the the trip you want to be able to stop and pick up a bag of combos pizza pizza snacks or something is what you're saying bitch i will drive there and only drink water and not even talk to you um while we listen to while we listen to red scare the whole way I'm down. I'm down. If there's anybody listening and you have a cool video camera you want to accompany us on this trip. You'll have to take your own car. I don't really want you in the car with us, or you can just not talk. It's your choice. You'll have to take your own car. COVID testing is optional. If you think your Scion XB can make it from LA to Vegas, let us know. All right. Well, I guess we're good. Is there any other things we need to cover? Any other states of the union? I don't think so, Big Dog. When's the next debate going on? I think it's this week, but I don't know if it's going to happen if Trump's got the vid. No, I think the next one is with VPs. Yeah, yeah, VPs. I don't know. Then probably another week. I mean, I'm soon. I don't really care because they're not good or informational. Trump, that picture of Trump with no makeup on is fire. The one where he was, quote unquote, working in his hospital, but then everyone felt the need to pull up the metadata from the digital images. That is exactly the nerd shit I'm talking about. Like, just make fun of the picture. Like, who cares? Like, just make fun of him. Like, you're not going to get gotcha by pulling up metadata. Most people don't even know what the fuck metadata is. Yeah, and also, I mean, I don't want us to sound like we're Trump sympathizers, which we are not.

Fully hate. Fuck that orange motherfucker. Of course not. But what presidential photo taken by the White House government staff wasn't staged? Since George Washington, every single photo has been staged. Since TJ chopped down the cherry tree, we've been staging photos. All right, Chris. Thank you for potting. Have a great rest of your Sunday. Make sure to follow verified users. them jeans and projects on Instagram and Twitter. If you were, if you were on the fence before, you know, now, now is the time. What more do you need? God intervened. And this is a sign. Yeah. If you want to check out pictures of cool license plates, follow Chris block on Instagram. If you want to check out pictures of me. Taking pictures of Chris. Taking pictures of license plates. Follow them jeans. Also follow. Okay. Thank you, TJ. Have a wonderful Sunday over there in fucking Glendale. I will talk to you tomorrow. Au revoir. Au revoir.