875. - Hailey Benton Gates

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? Super Tuesday here in New York City. Them jeans. What's Gucci? Super Tuesday. I'm just over here. Winter. Winter is kind of here. Thanksgiving is in the air. I put up my Christmas lights yesterday. I was up on the big ladder. 16-footer. Oh, shit. I mean, for you, that's a regular-sized ladder. The fact that you decorate for Christmas is one of the most fascinating things about you. I just don't understand it on principle. You're not a festive MF like I am. No, it's not even about that. It obviously feels nice to like... drive down a street full of houses decorated beautifully it just seems like a lot of work just to take it down that's all it's it's obvious to most people for you it's not that obvious too but i understand uh i don't know it'd be i think it's more so like it would be more sad and upsetting if it wasn't decorated versus i have to take all of this shit down in one really and well you know in a month and i see i see i mean i i just i find maybe just like my brain is just like it's just not even a possibility yeah there's no option there's no option i mean just what must be done that's how i feel about rush hour four

So I'm glad the powers that be are kind of making that happen. Are you talking about the film Rush Hour 4 that Trump said we need to? Trump executive producing with canceled Brett Ratner back in the saddle directing. You always talk about Hollywood. What can we do? Here's what we can fucking do. Let's get Chris Tucker, Jackie Chan. Let's get them back together. Let's get Trump behind the camera. You know, Trump's got the headphones on in Video Village. He's not giving notes, but he's watching. He has thoughts. He's getting dailies, but he's not in Video Village. He has thoughts. Thank God he has thoughts. Okay, so you're saying, you know, I do talk about that a lot. I love the statistics of Hollywood. What's that box office? What's the P&L? And you're saying Trump, he just gets things done. Look, does he get them done well? Does he get them done legally? No, but he's a doer. I mean, I'm not joking. He literally is a doer. Like everyone is sitting around, you know, like we should totally do that. We should plan it. And Trump's like, let's build it now. Yeah. Do you do it illegally? Do you know how many times I've wanted to add a wing on to my house and I haven't done it? I've just beat around the bush and, you know, kicked the tie, worried about how. He just built one, bro. He added one to the White House. Fellas, is it gay to pull a permit? Perhaps. Oh, very, very, very, very. If you pull a permit, you're bitch made. Everybody knows that. Everybody knows that. Deal with the consequences like a man. Come on. I'm happy Rush Hour 4 is coming out. I won't see it, but I'm glad that people are. So two things today that I've seen that people are upset about. One is Rush Hour 4. which is obviously a harmless and funny, stupid thing. Wait, I didn't know people were upset about that. Well, I think maybe upset's the wrong word. Maybe they're flabbergasted by the fact that the president has intervened to make a movie. Like where the government's on the verge of shutdown, jobs are in the tank, the price of turkeys are up 24%. You know, I could go on and on, and he's saying, like, you know what, a fourth.

rush hour is a maybe that's an idea of a film that hasn't been out when when was rush hour three whatever 15 years ago i've never seen any rush hour so i'm happy i also have famously never seen any rush hours wow part of me knew that it wasn't cool even back then uh yeah cool is not the word i would use but then then um comedian i know your favorite comedian louis ck uh famously canceled for jerking off behind a plant He was seen on the streets of New York City making out with a woman, age-appropriate woman, and she is the widow of beloved actor Philip Seymour Hoffman. So people are mad that he's happy, basically, and that, I guess... I guess, and this is what I was saying in the group chat, it's like two fucking 55-year-old adults doing what they want really isn't news to me. But I guess that we can't see Louis happy even though he's rich. Yeah, and I guess the problem with Louis is that as a rich, middle-aged white man, he's been doing whatever he wants, whether that's right or wrong. So that's why people are like, I think it's mainly because Philip Seymour Hoffman is such a beloved actor, taken away, too early. And I mean, and his, his stock has only written, you know, it's just kind of like the way like court and Kurt and Courtney, you know what I mean? Like any, and whoever Courtney love is going to date after Kurt Cobain. It doesn't matter if it's Gandhi or, you know, it's just like, how dare you? No offense to Philip Seymour Hoffman, but I, I mean, I don't really even care about Nirvana, but I think they gave us a little more than he did, but legendary actor beloved and also one of those. one of those guys who now everybody is like, he's a style icon, you know, like after the fact, I'm like, I think he was just wearing a flannel shirt and jeans and he was fat, but like, By all means. I mean, let's celebrate the guy. He was very talented. Look, at the time, at the time, it seemed pretty normal. But in retrospect, compared to the way people dress currently, Philip Seymour Hoffman did, in fact, have that shit on the same way we looked at Robin Williams and Phil Hartman and all these other people. And everyone, or even fucking George Costanza, you look back and like, damn. All right, Ronnie, stop. All right, Kith. You got to slow down. Jason's casting Kith right now on the mic. You got to chill. I don't even know what does he have to do with Kith.

Kith has famously photographed... George Costanza in Kith, as well as Jerry Seinfeld and other... I'm sorry, I don't really look at Kith ads, but I believe you. Your algorithm is so fucked up that I believe that you somehow miss those and see the shit. The other thing that we were talking about... I don't follow Kith, but I know that you work in fashion, so you don't have to do that stuff. I want to be very clear. I don't follow Kith. Kith follows me. Kith finds me. Whether you want it or not, Kith will find you. If you live in New York City and you're over the age of 35 and you've bought jeans before... kith will find your ass not not ironically not unlike the grim reaper it's it is will he will find your ass it is the grim reaper the other thing that we've been talking about this morning is um the cut posted a a first person essay from a i guess actor i get content creator a young a young woman actually i don't know if it was first person i think somebody wrote the story but based heavily on this other person's life just oh okay okay okay okay okay But it's basically like I can't watch Rachel Sennett's I Love L.A. because I'm unsuccessful and they are. So that to me is literally like if I play guitar, then I can't listen to the Beatles. Because they're so much better. Where does this end? You know what I mean? Think about this. I play basketball with my buddies three times a week. I can't watch the NBA because they're just so much better than me. How did we get here? I think the thing is it's an age thing. And I think the story mentions it a little bit when you're like, all right, this person has found success at the age of 23. I'm the age of 20. I have three more years to make it. And if I don't, I'm a failure. And then you wake up and you're 27 and the 23 year olds are still taking your job. And then it begins to weigh on you. But I think what this person is doing is, I mean, obviously, you know, it reads like a live journal diary and not something that should be published in a nationwide.

media outlet like the cut maybe you're not aware of what the cut publishes but this is right maybe i'm giving the cut too much i'm giving the cut too much credit i don't know i don't read the cut so i don't know not even credit it's just like we're talking about it everybody's it works yeah this is smart it is juicy yeah it's smart i mean it's um it's it's just i guess it's just kind of rage bait or just like easy to make fun of but people in that position you know you can never say like hey the reason why you're not famous is because you're not attractive enough or talented enough or cool enough and whatever that combination of those three things are that famous people who find success have whatever it is you know philip seymour hoffman his his talent outweighed his looks obviously and he was just that good she maybe is just not that good and nowadays and you know it's very easy to blame other people and other things and there was another story about like a thing that was going viral about a woman complaining that she's like an amazing singer and she didn't have enough money to get studio time with the pros and that's the only reason why and everyone's like dunking on her like bro look at soldier boy made this is steve a song on a fucking phone steve lacy made it in garage man on a fucking ipad i mean fuck fuck that bro our favorite bands made it on a fucking four track task cam let's let's we can take it all the way period period but um You know, I think that it might be like, so if this person is like, okay, I'm watching everyone else lap me in Hollywood. I'm never going to get the big call up. I'm never going to be the star that I've been dreaming about. I'm not going to be a failure. So it's like a little bit of plan B, pull the emergency shoot. I'm going to write this essay, get some sympathy points. Maybe some podcasts on Dear Media will have me on to tell my story. Maybe a young filmmaker will feel bad for me and cast me in a little indie short. whatever you know just like a hail i wish it was that calculated i wish it was that calculated i think it's i think it's strictly pathetic like i don't think it's definitely pathetic but i'm saying if this person was if this person was thinking it through that hard they would be successful because that's what it takes is some okay some sort of planning and thought there's a compliment for me in there somewhere chris i like that i just don't understand this line of thinking like the whole point is that

There are some people that are better than you, and you should look at them and be inspired or driven to be better. I'm 43 years old, and I'm a fucking loser who hasn't done anything. I hope that at 50, I'll have done something that I'm proud of. I don't understand. I think we've... The age thing is so crazy, but I feel like as you get older, you learn that that's not really how it is. Of course, we see the people that are 27 and successful, but there's a lot of people who are rich and successful that it took 20 years. It's not realistic for, I would say, 99.9% of society. Yeah. I think people, when you want to be whatever it is from childhood and you have your... your vision of what that is and where it starts and what it looks like, and it doesn't, you know, the plan doesn't line up with the timeline, your brain starts scrambling. I mean, I feel a little bad for her because she's sort of, I'm assuming the rest of the world is laughing at her, right? I think you're either laughing at her or you feel the same way, but you don't want to admit it. I think those are the two, because you realize that it's like unbelievable, like crybaby behavior. But I just don't – it's just – I don't know, man. Some people are good. Some people aren't. Some things happen. Some things don't. You kind of just got to let go and let God is my advice for any 27-year-old aspiring Rachel Sennett. I do agree. I do agree. Yeah, and there's so many other – just stick with it. Whatever you're good at, whatever your dream, ideal scenario to pair with your soul and your life, maybe it hasn't been created yet. When I was born, podcasts didn't exist. And now – That's why I can't listen to Rogan. You know, he's just too good. It's discouraging. I can't. Yeah, when you were born, The Office wasn't even an idea in Ricky Gervais' mind. And now look at you. And now look at me. All right, we have a guest today. Friend of the show, Hayley Benton Gates is a writer, director, actress. She has a new movie called Atropia that stars Aaliyah Shawkat and Callum Turner. She just did a Mew Mew thing. She's everywhere. She's a vice alumni, one of my favorite type of people to have on How Long Gone. Let's see if Shane took her in the helicopter to Atlantic City. How in the inner circle was she is a great question. She also has just a great head of hair.

which I wanted to point out up top. Just a nice, nice head of hair, which is, you know, obviously something I take notice of. Yeah. And I got to, I knew who she was for a long time from watching her show on Vice back then. She was kind of, she was the Tony Bourdain addressing, you know, she'd go to these crazy far flung locale, visit the Congo and Afghanistan and see how, see how they got that shit on over there. And we got to hang out a bunch at Charlie and George's wedding actually. So happy to have her on. She's cool. Let's give her a jingle. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code how long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code how long with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down.

The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues. Obviously. Maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more.

So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. I'll have to say, though, you're wearing what looks to be a shirt with your initials embroidered on it, which I... I like that. And you came camera ready, even though it's not, that's not what we do here. I like to look good always. Wow. Must be nice. Must be nice. Even when you're podcasting. I've actually never done a podcast. I don't believe that. Are you serious? I've never done a podcast. This is number one. You didn't do Rogan. I swear. I swear you did Rogan. Oh my God. I would be so great on Rogan. Why do you think that? You have a lot of archery experience. You know what those guys have in common that I wonder if you're interested in is they really love boxing and MMA. All of the sort of bro, quote unquote, podcasts love boxing and MMA to the point where I feel. It's fucking awesome. That's why. I feel isolated from them. I feel separated from them because I don't love the art of two men beating each other up shirtless. Yeah, that's not really my vibe. I didn't think so, but I've been surprised. Yeah, we're here to talk more so about Callum Turner and things like that. But then the fact that you have him in a movie is just a coincidence. We would have been discussing him and his body otherwise. Where are you guys? Oh, sorry. I'm in my house. He's in his house. I'm in L.A. He's in New York. Nice. Where are you? You look like you're in some sort of office. You're in the Trackshot Studios? I'm in an airport hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Oh, shit. You got food poisoning? You good? Fly out. What's his name? All right, so you're in San Juan. I assume this is work-related? I'm lending a hand on a doc. But the vibe is pretty interesting down here. Sure. In what sense? What interesting is an interesting word to use? Can you give us maybe what you mean by that exactly? There's like 5,000 troops down here. U.S. troops from our beautiful country. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is the U.S., but Trump also has...

A naval, like, basically surrounded Venezuela with naval ships. Yeah, that's right. I've been reading about that. You've been reading about it? Yeah, it's pretty wild. He also just designated Maduro a terrorist. Yes. So what does it take to get designated? He just has to say it, right? That's it? Well, I think, like, the idea, like, he said that he is the head of this cartel that's called, like... cartel of the sons or something because it's the military designation um on a uniform but essentially i think my understanding is that it's a colloquialism that's used in venezuela to be like that's like someone that's a politician that's sort of made money in a corrupt way so it would be like sure saying like the illuminati is a terrorist organization or something well it depends on how you feel about the rock nation but i think i think it's a terrorist But I think what he's doing basically for the last like since 9-11, all of the presidents like Obama, Brandon, Trump have all been using the AUMF, the authorization for military force to just. bomb people like at their will without congressional approval you're saying you're saying you're saying because they're the big boss they can push the button without having to go through the normal channels because there's a bill that allows them to do that yeah but basically they have to say that someone's a terrorist i see to do that so okay okay so he's like so he's like he's a terrorist so and there's nobody to kind of check the paperwork on that it's sort of like one man's opinion yeah yeah exactly and so now All of these soldiers have been denied leave for Thanksgiving. Well, it's a fake holiday. I'm fine with that. I mean, you know, it's not my favorite. 9-11 was a fake attack, too. Damn. Inside job. Gobble on that. Gobble on that. Are you, okay, so are you returning to your home? Are you coming or are you going? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I think I'm going to see how it, no, no, I'm here. This is where I'm.

What did you guys do before you podcasted? Do you ever hang out? We call this like a shoot hotel. Because it's, let me guess, not nice and you have to be there and it's cheap? You can open the windows. That's always the most annoying thing. But you're saying, I feel like in your business, you sort of have to come and go on a whim. You just sort of decide when it's time and buy a flight that day. The life of a documentarian, I can only imagine. Well, there was a really funny... When I was working at Vice, I had this bad habit of deciding that on my show, we were going to stay in more interesting places, which, of course, all of the sound guys fucking hated because they want... ac and like a gym and you know oh yeah that's kind of comfort let's do i guess i'm a fucking sound guy then because that's what i look for in a hotel too really yeah chris he chris hates sleeping with like a mosquito i don't want interesting i want nice as possible i want a gold sink like what are you talking about a gold i mean that's that escalated Okay, so he doesn't want to see these local tribespeople building a scarf. So you want to stay? I see. He wants a tour of the Laura Piana factory. So you want to stay in a fucking mud hut, and the rest of the crew is like, hey, can we get a Hampton Inn? Two seasons. No. Well, there is a – no, no. Actually, it sounds – no. There was one episode that we did in Paris, which was like we never went to places like France. And I decided to take everybody to Hotel Amor. Sure. They were really bummed. I mean, look, Hotel Amor is fun if you're, I would say, in a relationship that started three months ago. You know, that's the vibe. Could you explain why your crew would not like this hotel for our listeners who don't know what you're talking about as well as me? All the rooms are sort of like...

different and candy colored and there's like dicks on the carpet and there's no ac there's no phone in the room there's no television yeah it's like it's just an anal palace is what you're saying i remember staying there once and the only way to bathe was in a bathtub that was at the foot of the bed and you had to stand up and pull the shut and i i was like i i had to tell my now wife i was like you got to leave the room like i look like a fucking elephant in here this is insane like i'm splat no your partner is supposed to bathe you i mean kind of that would be amazing there's a great scene in your film where that happens i don't want to step on anything that's true that's true oh you guys watched the movie oh i didn't no no i didn't that's okay we'll get into it later we're doing pleasantries now what do you stick your tongue out at me no no no you're like i did I didn't watch your movie. No, that's not. I didn't watch your movie. He's teasing you. Chris seemingly has become addicted to nicotine toothpicks. Is that what's going on in that little mouth of yours, buddy? No, I do have one today. I've only had 10 total, so I don't know if I'm addicted yet, but I'm trying to get there. That sounds good. A nicotine toothpick. It gives you the buzz you need when you're feeling low and you've got a podcast to record. You know what I mean? I tried one of those. Zen. What is that? Zen? Oh, yeah. For the folks at home, she's sticking her finger into her lip like she's a fish being hooked. How did it feel? I was with my composer and I was like, so what do I do? And he was like, just like, put it in your mouth and take it out when you think you're going to throw up. Great quote out of context. I did put it in my mouth and I was like, I do feel like I might. Do you know what the milligram, do you know what the dosage was? I didn't even know what the name of it was. Yeah, because there's different, I guess, because it's born in Sweden, in Scandinavia. And so when you go there, they have wild shit, like quadruple what you can get in the States. And you see like a grandmother hitting that. Really? Because it's just like what they do.

It's very strange. It's very strange because you have to take it out. I felt like it was going to burn a hole in my mouth, and then I would drink water, and I would be dribbling. But is this just like anything else? You just get used to it, and it feels good? I mean, Coke doesn't feel good either, but then you're like, well, this is pretty cool. I think you love it so much you just don't care. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you build up a little tolerance, though. Oh, yeah. But what does the stick taste like? Nothing. Nothing. It kind of tastes a little bit woody. The wooden toothpick is a little wood. You don't say. No, I mean, I'm sure you can get, like, menthol or whatever. But, like, I'm saying I think there's one that's, like, natural. Yeah, yeah. And it's just sort of nothing, I would say. Chris isn't chewing on the mojito-flavored one. He said, let me get the plain. But this is the time of the year, you know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, where we all switch from our tea tree oil toothpicks to the cinnamon toothpick just to get festive. Is that something that you like to do for the holidays, HBG? I mean, God, you guys have a real situation. I love that. I need to get into these sticks. Actually, I did a close listen of your last few episodes. Have you never had a toothpick? I have had a toothpick. Okay, okay. It would be so cool if you're like, no, can you explain to me how those work? Tell me, please. What are those for exactly? Okay, got it. Also, like... I have a massive gap in the middle of my mouth, so I don't really get things stuck in it. That's pick country right there. So you need an XL model, probably. Yeah, you got to get the GMC Sierra. Two by four. Let's do a four by four. Back that thing in. There's a plank, like, right to the fucking... Did you ever... Yeah, you have to go to Home Depot to get your toothpicks. Did you ever... When you were a kid, was there pressure to close the gap? Oh, yeah, yeah. And you were able to resist that pressure because you knew down the line, you're like, this is going to be hot. People like this. I don't know. You said this, this gap's going to do numbers on Tumblr, mom. Just chill. Just let it marinate. I mean, I can't, I can really like squirt across the room with it, which is really exciting. Okay. But I feel, I feel like this, I feel like there could have been an, or an LA orthodontist that was kind of like, Hey, this is going to fuck up your breathing or something. I feel like it wasn't a money issue. Of course.

I did have braces and then I tried to take them off with a fork. Hold on, hold on. You're telling me you retain that gap with braces? Well, they put braces on and I tried to take them off with a fork. And then my mom was like, found me, you know, and I was like, had taken apart. I took the whole like walk. I'm so bad at doing a podcast because I like make weird faces the whole time. So I can't. I mean, okay. So your mom caught you. I pulled, I pulled the wire off and then my mom was like, okay, took the fork away and was like, give me a second. She came back and she wrote up like a handwritten contract that said, I tried to give you straight teeth, but you refused. You can't blame me later in life. And then I signed it, and she got them taken off. Wow. It was great. That's some of the coolest parenting I've ever heard. And I'm sure she still has that note in her important papers folder, just in case you act up. Definitely not. Okay, so was it Gap that you were – did you just not like the braces, though? I don't know. I think I just, like, was – really into it but you know yeah that's good it's a strong sense of self at a young age i never had i never had braces and i you're a non-conformist i feel like it was okay but i let's see your teeth all right yeah you got a little i didn't have a cavity until i was leaners on the bottom i got some leaners but i feel like those are good those are characters yeah we need that we need that the the fake teeth thing is crazy are you not veneer are you're not for it no it's insane like people's teeth they're like purple And it's like a wall. Because they're so white, they're purple. Yeah, it's crazy. Like when they bleach their hair and they put the purple stuff in. It's like a wall. You know what I mean? It is a wall. Well, do you think that eventually, like when breast augmentation first came out, a lot of people had to crawl before they walked and a lot of people had to have some unfortunate results because it was early days, but now plastic surgery is so advanced and it's fine. Do you think in like 10 years,

We're all just going to have veneers. The technology is going to be good. They're not going to look like fucked up white walls. It'll be natural and accepted everywhere. I don't know, man. Far out, man. I'm not really like a future guy. I feel like they're going to be able to age them. I just like the idea that when they take them off, like... They're like sanded down like creepy points and you look like... I've never Googled that because I don't want to see it because I think it'll give me the heebie-jeebies. It looks like a monster. But do you know what I heard? Some Hollywood gossip. that apparently there's like a huge market for people making real looking teeth to go on the purple veneers so that they can look like a person in a movie. So you're saying, okay, you're saying I'm an A-list actor. I've already had, I'm Ryan Gosling. I've got my fillers. I've got my lips plumped. I got my veneers, but I'm in a movie where I'm playing a little bit of a rough and tumble character. I need some. So you can have, so you, once you have the veneer, all your teeth sanded down. Then you can just swap it out. These are my daily drivers. These are just my goslings. And then I'm going to do another thing. And you can have your teeth created for every role. That seems smart, honestly. It's like when women wear sneakers to work and they keep the Jimmy Choo's in their purse and change when they get to the office. It's the teeth version of that. Wow. That doesn't surprise me at all, though, because they are distracting in a Hollywood setting. Yeah. When people have the really fucked up veneers, it's really hard to really develop a relationship or friendship with them. You can get like a sunburn. It also costs $60,000 or something, or maybe more. Not until you want to. It's expensive. $60,000? Wow. Yeah, I think it can be like, I mean, obviously depending on the quality, but I think it's like anything else. If you want the good ones, it's like very, very expensive. I'm sure down in the DR, you can get it for pennies on the dollar. You could probably find some stuff cheap where you are right now. Wait, I...

I wanted to mention something, which is that I did like a close listen of your last two episodes. Try to, you know, get a sense of the J's. Sure. When I say J's, I mean jokes. And J's, when you were talking about teeth, it reminded me of something really funny that you said at the beginning. But like, do you know what it feels like to get head from a forefather? And then I was like, okay. I'm going to be all right. What was that? I remember we were talking about how Diddy. I'm thinking about like wooden teeth. Because Diddy looks like Frederick Douglass in jail without his access to his salon. And it's clear that he's giving people head in prison. So you're going to look down and be like, damn, it looks like one of our nation's forefathers is breaking me off a little piece of head, a little piece of head. When you repeat that, it sounds even stupider than when I heard it the first time. But I still I still like it. So it's good. Well, it was just like I was trying to figure out like where, you know, the Venn diagram of us connected and it felt like there. And when you said something about like, can you get syphilis from DVDs or something? I was like, all right. These are my kind of jokes. Yeah, because normally somebody comes on and they're like, yeah, so I didn't listen to your pod. Yeah, the one with Jarvis Cocker, that was really good. And yeah, it was awesome. And you're like, so getting head from the forefather and getting syphilis from DVDs, those are my North Stars that I run to. Exactly. How hard is your Blu-ray collection hitting? Are you a digital chick? I got DVDs. You do have DVDs. Yeah, yeah. I like DVDs. Blu-ray is technically a digital medium, just I don't want to be a nitpicker. No, but you know what I mean. I just feel like it's so cumbersome, but you don't move them around. I have one of those big, ugly 90s. Oh, a binder. Oh, really? A binder, yeah. Like a case logic. The soft one, yeah, with a zipper. But that's better than the shelf unit on display. That's a little more incel-y, right? No, yeah, I don't do that. Yeah, you're not an incel with a podcast on the Ringer network. What's the Ringer? The Ringer is a network of podcasts where guys talk about movies like it's life and death, but they don't work. They don't.

They like college football, but they do a three-hour episode about Bloodsport 2 and how sick it was. We're going to debate RoboCop for four hours. What's Bloodsport? I haven't seen that. You haven't seen Bloodsport? I mean, I haven't seen it, but I'm aware of it. I mean, I'm very aware of it. That sounds really up my street. It's a Jean-Claude Van Damme. It's his debut film from 1988. And I think recently I just read something that Trump, when he watches the film, he makes them fast-forward only to the fight scenes. Maybe he likes his body. I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Of course, Whitaker's in it. He likes his body. He likes his body. I mean, Jean-Claude in 88. You kidding me? He's a split king. He is a split king. That's the new verse. Doing a split as a man is crazy. It seems like one of the hardest things to train for. I know. What happens? Can you guys do a split? No. Oh, I can barely touch my toes. Are you kidding me? Really? No, I can't. I'm joking. But doing a split is... I don't know any man who can do a split. Hunter can. Where do the balls go? Hunter can. My trainer in LA can. Who's Hunter? I never thought about where do the balls go. Because I'm more flexible than him not to flex. But I definitely cannot do the splits. But I can get probably closer than Chris can. But never close enough to where I had to factor in ball. Hopefully one day I'll have that inconvenience. As my limberness continues to grow. These questions you're asking are just too hard. I can't deal with this. Stop putting us on the spot. Okay, you mentioned earlier with the gap in the teeth that you can, quote unquote, squirt across the room. And I was thinking recently when people ask you, they're like, where do the balls go? When people ask, like, what's your, like, dumb talent or whatever, I realize that mine is spitting. Not tooth gleeking or spraying like how you're talking about? Gleeking is disgusting. But gleeking is through the middle teeth. That's what you're talking about. No, gleeking is like under the tongue. The amount of times that I put my hands in my mouth in this conversation is just an abomination. I thought gleeking was you push the saliva through the middle teeth on the top. No, it's like...

You can somehow activate your spit gland underneath your tongue. Kind of like a snake in his venom. You sound like Diddy in jail. Okay, so you can activate your spit gland. I used to be able to Gleek. I don't know how. Really? I think I could Gleek too, but now I'm rethinking everything. Gleek too. Great movie. I think I had the definition of Gleek incorrect. Yeah, you fucked up. Yeah, it's gross. How do you activate the Gleek, though? If I could explain that, you know, people Gleek. You don't teach someone how to Gleek. You just do it or you don't. I don't think people Gleek after eighth grade, but I do think they do it. Something that you don't carry on later into your life. Sorry, can we talk about how you discovered that you're really good at spitting? It was literally... probably in the last month when I realized like I'm good at spitting, not only because like when I was a kid, I used to, you know, like being a board teen or whatever, have like a spitting contest when you're like 10 years old or something. Guys, podcasting is crazy. He's closer to 50 than he is 20. I just want to be very clear about this discovery. I'm not saying that I spit all the time as a sport. Now I'm saying in this position in my life, I realized that. I'm actually quite good at spitting both for distance but more so for accuracy and precision. I can hit a target all over the place. Okay, but not answering the question. What's the question? The question was how did you discover it? What were you spitting at to figure out that you were so great at it? Which one of your neighbors? I probably just hit another one of my great targets. Maybe I'm in LAX and I got a little spit to come out. Wait, wait. Are you talking about spit like a ****? I didn't want you to have to say that word, and I apologize. We took you there. I know. I'm sorry. Can you bleep it? It's so gross. It'll make our listeners fucking horny hearing you bleep that. I literally can't believe it came out of my mouth. It's more just general excess saliva that's built up in my mouth. You actually kind of blushed. I didn't like it. I have to be honest. I really didn't like it. You don't have to apologize because we led you there, but just moving forward. I know. It was a follow-up question. I'm still happy.

having trouble with the spitting visually sorry it's like so you you're trying to spit in like a trash can or like talk about the target i just washed my hand i'm washing my hands i'm in lax i gotta spit i can confidently spit and it lands in the drain of the sink goes down the hole almost 100 accuracy whatever like whatever sink i'm in high low big small i can spit it straight down into the drain probably With 100% accuracy. Okay. Sorry, control yourself, Hayley. I can tell that you're very... This is a... Slow down, ladies. I'm single. But this is like a... I could drop it. I could use gravity. Or I could propel. Actually, I hate to say this, but we've spent so much time together. I have seen him use gravity. And I'm now replaying this in my mind that I have witnessed this. I can't attest to the accuracy. It doesn't really feel like a party trick, which is sort of the way that you introduced it. No, it's not. It's a silent victory. It feels like a solo journey, yeah. It is, it is. Or like a one-on-one. Can you juggle, Hayley? What can you do? Can you juggle? Like, as far as a party trick goes, can you do anything cool? Well, I can, like, spit a drink, like, through my teeth at someone's face. I don't want your vodka soda in my nose. I just mean, like, you know, if there's anything more sanitary. I can do the cherry salmon and not with my tongue like a motherfucker. All right. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated, but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer. And quality European linen pants and shirts.

Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Hi Talk House Network listeners, it's your old friend Nels Klein from Wilco here. Wilco is touring this summer and we'd love to see you somewhere on the road. We're playing shows this June and July in Rochester Hills, Michigan, Chautauqua, New York, Lafayette, New York, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Vienna, Virginia, Forest Hills, New York, Portland, Maine, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Memphis, Tennessee, LaGrange, Georgia, Charleston. South Carolina, Virginia Beach, Virginia, Wheeling, West Virginia, and Columbus, Ohio. Plus, there are even more dates, some with Willie Nelson that I didn't even mention here. So please go to wilkoworld.net to see the full list of dates. We'll see you on the road this summer. Study and play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC. Have you ever been able to successfully teach somebody how to do that? No, it's like... You're touched by God.

You're touched by God. Thank you. I'm jealous. I don't have any skills at all, really. I can't do anything besides balance something, Jason, as you know, on my finger or chin. Chris is a good balancer. Give me an umbrella and I will balance it on my pinky finger for upwards of 60 seconds or more. All right. Actually, just maybe two weeks ago or less, Chris showed a video of a guy in a grocery store. He picked up a shopping cart off the ground and lifted it over his head, balanced the shopping cart handle on his chin, and then held the shopping cart above his head. And Chris said, I feel like I could probably do that. Honestly, I think I could. If there was enough pressure on me and I was in an empty... Whole Foods, I feel like I could at least go down a single aisle and back, sort of like a farmer's carry. If you're in like a fantasy factory. You have like a big head. Yes, I do. I do. I've been told. Let's see your chin. Yeah. It's a good canvas for balancing. For what? I don't know. Maybe your spit. Chill out. Sorry. Y'all two are nasty. This took a nasty little turn. I'm going to my room. Yeah, this is not chic. Well, actually, speaking of nasty mess, Hayley, it's a good way to begin speaking about a few scenes in your film. Without spoiling what's going on exactly, there's a scene where Let's say there's two people. Maybe one person could be out of the other person's league, but she was able to attain him in a sexual manner by exploiting her crush's fetish. And I was thinking, like, if you really have a crush on somebody and you don't really have a chance to ever be with them.

try to figure out what their dark sexual fetish is and learn how to exploit that weakness only you know in a safe way of course not in a dark way romance is listening jason romance is listening is that what you said yeah that's what i said not not in a literal sense who the fuck is romance i don't know if i don't know is romance in the room I don't know if I would use the word exploit in this situation. I feel like it would be... Well, you haven't seen the scene, though. Wait, you haven't seen the movie. But exploit, I mean, that just feels like everybody's got something. Okay, I'll say it, I'll say it, and I'll bleep it. Okay, just so... So she... Wait, wait, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait. Don't ruin it. I said I'll bleep it. Are you going to watch the movie? Maybe, I have a link. I have to see when it expires. Wait, I heard that you guys are going to Japan. I'm going to Japan. Oh, just you? Well, we can talk about Japan. I just thought maybe it's not as interesting for Jason because he's not going. I love Japan. I'm not going. I've never been before. Oh, he's been. Okay. I've never been before, so it's a big deal for me. I just got back. Yeah. Somebody mentioned that, I think. What was the occasion? Were you working, though, or you were just? No, my film was in the Tokyo Film Festival. And Jason, that scene really. played well. Oh, really? I mean, I guess down in Japan, they really like certain sexual fetishes, don't they? It was exciting. There was a lot of men in the audience asking me questions after the Q&A. But are they allowed to like it? You know what I mean? Are they allowed to like it? Jesus. It's not China. It feels like there's a lot of shame, is what I'm saying, culturally. So maybe some of that stuff, they're not going to jump up and down about it, is all I'm saying. No, it was pretty fun and loose. That's good. This is where tentacle porn... was birthed and still strives, Chris. This, whatever was in her film. I'm not arguing that they're freaks. I'm saying that talking about it and being a freak are two different things. Right, right. Enjoying it behind closed doors versus in the Q&A like, oh, excuse me, is it possible if you could shit on me for money? You know, like no one's really, you know, or maybe that's happening in Japan. My wife won't shit on me. Do you have any tips that you can help me with? Since we're here.

So should I be excited or should I be... Yeah, it's so great. I know. It's maybe one of the only places in the world that completely lives up to the expectation. That's actually big because you're right. I'm usually disappointed with most things. So this film won... What did it win at Sundance? It won the Grand Jury Prize. Damn, bro. G.J.P. And then did it win anything in Tokyo or not so much? No. Okay. Okay, well, fuck those guys. I'm sure you had some great meals, though, right? No, it was great. So when is it coming out? It's coming out December 11th at IFC. Okay, soon. In IFC in New York. Uh-huh. And then... wider in january i love it i'm glad you're getting out there before marty supreme that's important smart we gotta shut these motherfuckers up so i need this thing to i need this thing to come i saw today that it's coming out in 70 millimeter in new york and la before christmas for the for the heads just really yeah can you as a filmmaker yeah can you explain to me why these mouth breathers love 70 millimeters so much and does it actually change the experience of seeing something Be honest. It's 35 times two, Chris. You're a film guy. You should get this. I got that. I got the math of it. I just feel like it sounds to me like, you know, sometimes when people are like, this album's not mastered or whatever, and I'm like, I couldn't really tell the difference if you didn't say that to me, you know? I mean, I'm a real sound guy, I have to say. So for me, if the sound is bad, it's way worse than if, you know, the picture is fantastic. But, yeah, it's funny, like, during all that one battle after another stuff, people were like, what are you seeing it in? But all these, like, doinks kept going to see it in VistaVision. It was, like, jamming the whole time. VistaVision is tough. So, like, I'd kind of rather see, like, a movie all the way through. You're like, I'm here to see it kind of from beginning to end. I don't really care how it gets there. Yeah. See if we can...

Show a whole movie without it stopping. I guess what I'm saying, but when they screen something in 70mm, they often charge more too, correct, to see it that way? I don't know. I think perhaps, yeah. I mean, I would say it's the difference between listening to an MP3 versus listening to a CD or a record. Most people, 99% of the people will not be able to tell a difference. And then the people who really appreciate it are able to, but... I think literally it's just like the film is twice as big, so the screen size is bigger. So there's just that. That's kind of the main thing. It looks great when you can see it, but I don't think it should deter you from seeing films in other ways. I mean, it's the same people who get upset when the new version of the... dvd blu-ray extra has like different color grading and like the tone has shifted from blue to purple and they stepped on tarantino's warm oranges in digital transfer and show you like you're like okay bro relax y'all need to touch some grass y'all need to relax in general y'all need to squirt across the room okay so yeah you wouldn't care one thing i noticed after watching i watched it last night my wife my wife loved it she was like damn this movie is fucking sick great so good job she usually doesn't you loved it last i loved it i loved it but she really liked it she was she liked it more than i did let's call it i'll give it an eight she gave it a 10 oh you asked sorry um how important do you think it is to have hotties in your film, regardless of the subject matter and what's going on. I'm just obsessed with people's faces, you know, and I have to stare at their face for so long. In the edit bag. Yeah. And if I don't like people's faces, then it makes the job really hard. And I got really lucky with those faces. That's a really cool way to put it. That's a really cool way. It's a poetic way of saying no uggos allowed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I noticed, I mean, for a film that is dealing with these specific subject matters, I was like, wait a minute. Every person, I mean, especially people who have the little kind of cameos like newscasters and bits and bobs here and there. Obviously, Callum and everyone else. There's a lot of very attractive people in this film. And I was wondering if that was just luck of the draw or if this was something that you considered more so. Love beauty. What can I say? Yeah, sure. I get it. I mean, it makes more people, it also makes more people want to watch it. But everybody, but everybody has a really interesting face. Like they're not just like, and there's no, like everybody's eyebrows are moving in some fantastic ways. Are you an eyebrow watcher? Well. I don't know if you've noticed, but a lot of people can't move their eyebrows now. Jason, she's commenting on the amount of plastic surgery happening in Hollywood that is stopping faces from emoting. You know, honestly, I never noticed it. Really? Me neither. No, I've never even thought about it. Really? But then you can't see anguish and... Are you planning on moving yours at some point in this hour convo? Yeah, you're talking a lot of shit. I've been doing like a caterpillar dance with my eyebrows for the last 15 minutes. I'm looking at your forehead and that shit's looking a little too clean. That's all I'm going to say. A little too clean. Forehead looking like veneers. Tell them it's not true. That's so fucked up. For listeners at home, her eyebrows have moved. obviously looking up she's trying she's trying to get one of she got one of them almost she's performatively moving them for us now to prove that they do in fact work um no but i just think it's like such a fucking shame because that's where you know of course yeah everything comes from like that's your fucking these are sorry i keep pointing to things without the eyebrows jim carrey would not have a career but anything it's like you can't see like a cry build or like

somebody you know maybe constipated for example that's what i want that's what i pay my 15 to see so i get it well come to see a tropia i forgot about the constipation story i think but do you think this is simply i mean obviously vanity is is the major factor but do you think it's because a lot of these people are forced to look at themselves so much that they really can pick apart what the, the perceived issues are. And then they go correct them to the point where it goes too far. I mean, I don't want to like pathologize the reasons for it, but I just as like a director, I want to work with people who's got, you know, loose eyebrows. Sure. People with a natural malleable face that hasn't been frozen with injectables. Got it. Got it. Got it. I mean, unless it's like part of the story. But even when it was part of the story, well, no, never mind. Don't talk about Nicole Kidman like that. She's not here to defend herself. It's true. The thing that I was noticing about the film, even though it was taking place in 2006-ish, but it also felt as if it was in the not-too-distant future. I felt like I was watching something. You have created a fictional world and a place, which is basically... No, no, it's a real place. Okay. It's a real place, but... Yeah. Okay, sorry. It's a real place. Maybe a lot of people did not know it existed. Sorry. But it feels like something... I guess the story involving this place feels like something that could be happening in the future. People who work as actors in these war... simulation, you know, theme park training facilities are going to use that as a way to find fame in our, in our not too distant dystopian land. Yeah. You know, I'm going to become an actor at this military camp playing an Iraqi mustard gas scientist. And then Channing Tatum is going to come and discover me and I'm going to be a movie star and life is good.

But so it had me thinking like, oh, damn, this is what's going to happen in the future. But it was also 20 years ago. So you kind of have that fun little, you know, vintage throwback feel to when all of our, you know, prime time heyday was 2006-ish, you know. You're younger than us, but, you know, I'm sure you were thriving in 2006. I had my driver's license. You know, it was exciting. Yeah, no, it's crazy. I mean, you know, it's strange to be in Puerto Rico right now because there's an island off of Puerto Rico that they used to use for training. And they were just the Navy was kind of like playing with every bomb they were testing. And Venezuela is just, you know, right. in front of us here, and it sits on an ocean of fucking oil. There's more oil in Venezuela than there is in the whole of the Middle East. And they're basically seemingly trying to manufacture consent again to go invade a place with an ocean of oil that maybe is a little bit closer to America. So your gas prices might get lower a little sooner. It's very convenient. say a little time let's just you know why not so we just have to say that they have fentanyl and then they're terrorists they're fentanyl terrorists so we better go in there and take over their country exactly and maybe a little oil could come along with it it's definitely you know prescient and and they also are i mean the so they basically built these chris do you want me to explain this to you sure Do you understand what we're talking about? Because it's a little oblique the way that we've been talking. I mean, I understand it enough. He can get it. Basically, after 9-11, they built... Hollywood set builders were hired to build these Iraqi villages. You actually explained this to me before. Oh, I did? Yeah, you've explained this to me before. At Charlie's Wedding? Yes. Okay, I was like, I couldn't remember. I was like, the only thing I remember saying to you was...

If someone asks you to have a meeting for breakfast, they're a sex pest. I'm famously anti. That's Chris time. Breakfast meeting has a guilty energy to it. But that's what we were talking about. We were like, if you want to have a breakfast meeting, thou doth protest too much. It's like you are hiding something. No, 100%. Can't trust that. No deals getting done. Yeah. But anyway, the only way I'm not raping you is at breakfast. But anyway, they they built these villages. They were they were sort of, you know, essentially look like kind of Aladdin sets. And they were mostly Iraq and Afghanistan. And then they've since now been going through like a turnover of Russian and like South China Sea. You know, kind of all the places where... They're able to pivot to our new targets. But they're all over Southern California. Like, L.A., you don't think about it, but Southern California is one of the most militarized parts of the entire United States. Like, if you drive an hour in any direction, you're going to hit a base. I've been to Orange County before. I see what's going on. Yeah, I mean... I see what's going on down there. I grew up very close to the naval base and, like, when... The Pendleton? No, not Pendleton. The naval base in Long Beach, Seal Beach, kind of. Oh, yeah, yeah. And my brother and I, we used to go ride BMX bikes with all the cool older kids who would smoke weed and go BMXing over there. And you would discover bunkers and turrets in World War II. Why do you think California is such a fertile ground for this? It was like a target in World War II with Japan. So we had to really... boost up that LA coastline because more people, you know, you want to, you want to bomb LA more than Eureka or Humboldt or... So the next line of defense after Hawaii, yeah. Salem, Oregon. Technically, yeah, sure. You might as well make a real dent. I'm assuming. Make a real dent. I'm no Shane Gillis. I don't know all the WW2 stuff. But it's definitely like, but the set building in particular obviously has, there's a real...

uh military to hollywood pipeline and it's smart as a independent filmmaker to be like the what we want to achieve if we were to build the sets ourselves we i'm assuming you wouldn't have the budget to do that so yeah being able to rent out these places that were designed by the people who would make them in hollywood if you were to hire them yeah is you know it's almost like a peer space but for a call of duty modern warfare to set the place that we shot at is a movie ranch And it was built at the same time. It's where they shot like everything from American Sniper to like... Sniper 2. Actually, there's a Marvel movie where somebody's like an arms dealer or something. You're talking to the wrong Stragots, baby. I'm talking to the wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were going to help me. I just like real war. I don't like this play war shit. I'm more of a, you know what I mean? Real war? You like real war? Yeah, when the stuff's actually happening. He's watching Drudge Report. He's checking out CNN. He's not doing this Hollywood bullshit. I'm kind of into the new Department of War name. Department of War. Because at least they're just like saying what they're doing now. You know, they're like, this is what we're doing. It sounds like a hardcore band, but it also does level. It just level sets. It's so wild. Defense is like, in case something happens, we have a military. Hopefully we'll never have to use it. And they're saying like, we are on the offense. It's cool because that came and went. I just feel like there's so much stuff happening that that is so insane, but it really came and went pretty fast as far as. It's so insane. Nobody really is like, oh, shit, that's crazy. And then it was on to the next thing. Also, I guess Pete Hegseth was like interviewed after Trump designated Maduro terrorists. And he was like, this opens up a lot of options for us. It's so insane. It's so much easier to say the quiet out loud all the time now.

And so you like it's really difficult because you can't really get mad. I mean, you need to get mad, but it's like, you know, they just hand it to you. That sort of radical honesty does put people on their heels, I would say, as far as what their response can be, because it is jarring after being lied to for your entire adult life, you know, by these people. So I think it is. I don't think it's on purpose. I don't think they get what they're doing, but I think it works. by you know accident almost yeah there was a I noticed a through line I wanted to ask you if this was a an inspiration for you on the film I kind of felt like uh I was getting a lot of wet hot American summer but it was like a camp Pendleton versus a summer camp I was thinking more like team America world police but I see some of that as well I think maybe with like the The loudspeaker announcement to everyone. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen MASH? I have seen MASH, yeah. They also do that? You mean the most popular TV show ever made? No, I mean the movie. Yeah. I think I must have seen that. MASH. When I was younger. Yeah, Robert Altman film. Sure. That is full of really, really stupid jokes. Yeah. That are wonderful. But he really famously... kind of during the edit panicked and decided to shoot all these loudspeakers to like make the movie make more sense. And so as we were, I, you know, wanted to have a loudspeaker and nod to him. I need a speaker moment. Yeah, a speaker moment. I also liked using the iPod as like a torture device in the film. Yeah. I thought that was really interesting without without giving it away as well. But I really like your your vision of the kind of the military corporal punishment tactics. You know, we woven into that 2006 era. Well, all of the things in it are based on my just absolutely demented research. So most of it is real.

They really made the families dress up on Thanksgiving. The animatronics that are in there were real animatronics that they used on the base. The first one I went through was at Pendleton and I was with this squadron of boys going through and they have, I think the first village that they built was in this old tomato factory and it's basically like, it's like an escape room or like a haunted house kind of. It's the most goofy. Hold on, hold on, hold on. What's a tomato factory? I don't know. That's what they told me it was. It's like a big hangar. Okay, because those are grown outdoors, so I was confused. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's outdoor. It's sort of like a... I wasn't sure if it was like a euphemism for something. Yeah, I thought you were using some military speak I wasn't privy to. Like when you describe a boxer who loses a lot, he'd be a tomato can. You know what I mean? Is that real? Yeah, people like a guy who... I thought you guys aren't into boxing. If you get hit and bleed a lot, you can be dubbed a tomato can, a guy who bleeds a lot. Or a lady, I guess. That's a pretty fun way to put it. Oh, a tomato can, yeah. Yeah, a tomato can. You have friends that bleed a lot at parties. I haven't seen someone bleed in a while, if I'm being honest with you. You got to check out her new film. It's in theaters December 11th. I'm talking like real life bleeding. When's the last time you've seen like real life? I was bleeding yesterday. I got a bandaid on there right now. Yeah, yeah. Seeing somebody bleed at a party. That's a good question. You got a boo-boo from hanging up Christmas lights. We're talking about like bleeding. Boo-boo. Definitely. How'd you get that cut, Jason? Hanging up Christmas lights. That's right. Really? Blood is blood. I don't think I've ever seen anyone. Not at a party. I've never seen someone just get punched for mouthing off in my entire life. I haven't seen someone that's socked in a while. Y'all are some bitches. I mean, not you, him. I'm sure Haley has seen a lot of people get punched at a party working at Vice. I've seen some scuffling and a tackle, but I've never seen someone get straight up punched like broken nose at a party. That feels like something from a teen movie. I went to parties as a teen.

That's where the punching happens. No, good point. Good point. Maybe I'm a pussy. No, no, no. You're not, Chris. You're just hanging out with these Hollywood types too much. Not a lot of punching over at your little W Magazine galas and stuff. I would love to get punched. I definitely deserve it. Ooh. Ooh. Okay. Not you. Squirt kink. Yeah. But yeah, you definitely do deserve it, of course. That's the kind of blood I like. I was going to ask you, during your Vice heyday, did you ever... get taken to atlantic city to gamble on the on the helicopter with shane no no no wow wow that's crazy i guess that was maybe fellas only yeah i was a woman yeah because you seem like somebody who would gamble i have to say um not with your life not with your life some blackjack yeah yeah yeah no i didn't but i but it was so funny like i do remember we showed up in russia And there was a fixer and he was like, it was the first day we landed and we went straight to work. And then that night he was like, so tonight we go to strip club. And I was like, what? Classic Russian fixer. And then I was like, what do you mean? He was like, well, it's Shane, you know, like we go to strip club and gamble and he bought me new shoes. The paperwork says Vice magazine. I was like, you're going to get up at 5 a.m. tomorrow and we're going to work. So it wasn't as fun. I feel like a Russian fixer would be able to burn it at both ends if anyone could. But I guess it's smarter to get a nice sleep before 5 a.m. wake up. Yeah, we were just like in Siberia, you know. I mean, we have, we drank. It wasn't like, you know. Sure, sure, sure. I'm not a narc. It was just like. Hey, you're cool. We got it. I was like, I don't know. I'm not, I don't have money to give you to gamble. Oh, I see. It was supposed to be, oh, I understand. You were going to be paying for it, so you were less interested. Well, he was, I think there was sort of like this feeling of like, you know, we all get to. More fun when Shane is there.

I just didn't spend time with him. I just think he wasn't very interested in what I was doing. I feel like your show was pretty popular, though. It was well-liked, wasn't it? Yeah, but he didn't say this, but there would be meetings where they'd be like, you know what the problem with this show is? There's too many women working on it. It was that kind of thing. You're saying not just in front of the camera, but also behind the camera. Yeah, I don't know. We had our own little island. kept to ourselves and stuff which is probably for i mean that's probably the best i had also like come from the paris review which was like not vice yeah and everybody would make fun of me advice for like dressing up for work yeah i guess that must be a very stark difference of switching from because you were you were Editor-ish? I was head of advertising and promotions and then advisory editor. Advisory editor, that's right. Okay, so going from there, Paris Review, I've been to a couple of their parties. We all know the vibe, a very literary, well-educated, kind of Ivy League-y vibe. And then going over the bridge to the vice. I mean, they were both like 5 o'clock somewhere places. Right. I was going to say, I think there's maybe more in common than we think. No, no, there was, but it was just like... One's Beefeater, one's PBR, but yeah. Yeah. Everybody does cocaine. That's the thing. That's a good through line. Both let you smoke indoors, I'm assuming, yeah? Yeah, there was a lot of smoking. Yeah. There was a lot of smoking. Maybe more indoor smoking at a Paris Review party than a vice party. When you say dress up, do you just mean wear, like, normal clothes? Yeah, and they would all, like, make fun of me. Or they would be leaving work and they would be like, what are you still doing here? And I'm like, making a show. It's so, this is so hard. Yeah, but Grimes is playing at the Union Pool. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's happy hour, though. The oysters are really cheap. Yeah, we got to go to Pies and Thighs, bro. And then you're like, all the fancy snacks are gone. And you're like, something's happening.

The fancy snack disappearing act is the writing on the wall for any funded company, I feel like. We go from Essentia. Essentia's gone. Dasani's in. That's funny. When the kind bars are in, you know it's time to go. Oats and honey. I'm going to start looking around for a new job. This is worse than flying. They're going to look for a new job. Nutri-grain crumbs everywhere. Or no, what is those ones that are everywhere? Nature Valley. Nature Valley. That's what you're saying. What flavor is it? Oats and honey. Oats and honey. I'll always love an Oats and Honey. You take a bite and it's just like detritus all over you. They do taste good, though. They really do taste good. I love that to say. It's like drywall. Yeah, but also, as somebody who's a good spitter, I think you probably have enough good mouth control. I feel like I can eat an Oats and Honey in a silent... surgical way to avoid any crumb detritus all over the place enough about my mouth control jason i'm talking about my mouth I can't believe the publicist is also listening to this whole thing. They're going to be like, this sounds like porn. Like, this is horrible. Are you trying to sell movie tickets or not, Bab? You know, this is what happens. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, literally. Please go see my movie. I'm really good at spitting. All right, so with a movie like this, what do you consider a success? Like, just getting it done is sort of the success? Or where's your kind of gauge? Well, you know, I've never done this before. So finishing is a success. So making it is insane. We shot the movie in 19 days, which is like, maybe it means nothing to you, but like. That's short. Marty Supreme is probably like 75. I don't ever want to hear about Marty Supreme again, but I'll allow it in this case. Just as an example, we made it independently. We played at Sundance. We won.

which was great. And then people were kind of afraid of the movie. They thought it was too political. You're saying after you won and people were like paying attention, they were like, oh, I like this, but I can't give you any money because it's too political. Yeah. And then we found a very brave, wonderful distributor to put it out. And so now it's going to come out and, you know, it's up to the people. Sure. But I guess what is the eventual goal after it comes out in theaters that it goes somewhere so it's it's easier to watch? I just wanted to be in theaters so people go see it. Sure. Sure. Oh, fuck. I'm getting a note. It's December 12th. But there is. OK. But there is a boy. But there is this. But December 11th is like a. Sneak peek. I guess I'm not supposed to ruin the surprise. Well, this is a sneak peek audience. Many of the people in attendance already listen to the pod, so it's fine. They're sneaky. But I mean, I guess like Chris was saying, he wrote something a few weeks ago about how everyone is a little too obsessed with the box office. budgets versus uh-huh you know i mean i mean people but the point people outside of people that don't do it for a living people who don't work in the you know just a random guy on instagram who's like oh the budget for after the hunt was 80 million dollars and we grossed 9.3 worldwide and we haven't factored in china yet but you know right right Well, we made the movie very cheaply, and I'm really proud of it. And the movie rocks, and it's super weird, and I love it. So you said independently made. Yeah. Does that mean you came out of pocket? No. Okay. I have some wonderful financiers. We have a financier. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. Got it. But yeah, I mean, independent film in America is... It's a graveyard. It's a graveyard. A labor of love. No, it's... I mean, I'm just really excited. I think when I was in Japan, a Japanese friend saw it, and she said to me, Do the voice? This is not like anything I've ever seen. For me, that's a success. I agree. It is something I've never seen, and it's a storyline. When you're watching it, and as soon as I realize what was happening, I was like, oh, this is a very fun idea for a movie.

I'm just curious to see how this idea plays out because it's rare where you're like, this is a movie about something that I've never heard of before and I'm interested in it versus like, oh, this is a cool obtuse project look on blah, blah, blah. Yes, it's novel and new, but I don't really care how it ends. I was very curious to see how your film ended, which to me is a benchmark of any good film. You have to care about what happens. Chris is now asleep. Chris said movie? I don't watch movies. I mean, to be honest with you, I just don't watch movies. So you wrote about box office, but you don't watch movies? That's so nerdy. Yeah, because people won't shut up about it. That's the problem. He wrote about the nerdiness of the people who don't work in the biz. This is true about any sort of art form, is that because we have access to all the data, people can't help themselves in analyzing the data when it has... sort of no effect on them is what and also the stan culture of like i don't like sabrina carpenter so when one of her shows doesn't sell out in in des moines and i pulled up the ticket master report and more like oh this you know hayley's new film is pulling up and i go to the amc website and look it's not even halfway sold out yet on opening you know like that kind of shit where it's like y'all y'all really need to get a life like money shot in freud yeah i just don't i that's pretty lame i mean i i think it's for me like the the joy of doing this is when people see the movie and have a nice time. Well, that's what it should be about for everything. That's the whole point. If you like it, then it was a success. I think we need to unfry people's brains because before, just a movie being good and enjoyable and liking it was enough. And now people, we need data and information to form our opinions about something. So what is the point of seeing something if it wasn't a financial success? And I think a lot of people have that.

thought and i think that everything that i've ever loved was not a financial success good yeah so i i mean i can't say i can't go that i can't go that far but it's like with well with i mean with with music it's crazy because you can go because you love transformers yeah i think i have that's the only blu-ray i have so it's bro john waters is her transformers okay she's kind of a different chick i'm i'm so funky No, I love Starship Troopers. Okay. That is a little funky, though. I love Verhoeven. What are you drinking, by the way? It's the worst idea to drink while we're doing this. I'm really sorry. No, what is it? It's called a Coloso, and it has this actually John Claude Van Damme-looking guy on it. That guy's kind of hot. It's a coconut water with pulp. Yeah. You got a Chad coconut water. I know. And I'm really sorry because it has these like small pieces. You're chewing on those little bobo. I know. This is so gross. I'm sorry. Do you think it's a possibility that we could get a little, maybe spit one of those little coconut pork chunks through the teeth? Wow. You know, she's been thinking about that the whole time and just holding back. She's been holding back. And I appreciate your restraint. It shows growth. It shows growth. It's really hard for me. I can feel the publicist sending another note being like, do not spit. How would you rate that drink? Because I like pulp in my coconut water. How would you rate it out of 10? I love drinks. I love drinks with weird things in them. Very Trumpy of you to say that. I love drinks. I love drinks with things in them. I have the best drinks. Tremendous beverage. Tremendous drinks. Everybody says my drinks are wonderful. You know what? Is there sugar added to that? Yes. That's the only sad part. I know, I know. Come back to the mainland where the harmless harvest flows like wine. Look, this one also has something in it. Oh, so you're just going to the store and buying whatever freaky shit you can find. Yeah. You know they have regular water there you can drink. Also, look what I got. This kind of like Pedialyte Gatorade. Oh, yeah. I'm familiar with that. You like this? You have a twisted... This is your... Okay, so this is your... You're like a hungover chick at brunch right now. The amount of drunk...

You got a coffee? I love drinks. Do you have a coffee, too? No, it's, like, kind of late. Okay, so you have three drinks. Is there another one you're hiding from us, or you got three? I think that's all I have. Okay. Did you know that pina colada was invented here? No. Wow. I wish I had one right now. That would be so fun. Okay, well, you can go. You can go get a pina colada as soon as we finish. I'm sure you have some work to do, but you could kind of have a nightcap, I'm sure. Bang out a couple emails, hit the airport hotel bar. So you don't know how much longer you're going to be there? Yeah, I'm sort of deciding whether to stay for Thanksgiving or not. They also celebrate Thanksgiving here because it's America. Yeah, yeah. But also, it sort of feels like that's the time Trump would do some funny business, you know, when people are distracted. So you're trying to be there for the funny business, and you're just kind of having to wait it out and feel it emotionally. You don't want to be around for a Turkey Day Venezuelan bombing. There is a Thanksgiving massacre in my movie, actually. This is too – do you want to die? Like, what's the vibe here? I don't understand. No, no, no, no. No, I'm actually – no, no. I haven't decided whether I'm going to stay for Thanksgiving and go back to New York. But the way you're talking about it is you want to see some shit go down is what it sounds like to me. No, no. I was saying should I try to leave before or stay? Should you flee before you are maybe unable to flee? But not flee. I mean, it doesn't seem that dire. Did you get any oil or are you good? You don't have any oil. I have a big purse full of oil. I swam to Venezuela and sucked up some oil. I was able. I was able to put a lot of oil in this one Mew Mew bag I brought. Yeah, exactly. It's going to be fine. I'll be able to get it back over. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. I'll be able to get it through security at the airport. Well, Haley, oil baron and independent filmmaker, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us. The new film is out December 12th if you're a regular civilian. December 12th. December 11th if you're cool and live in L.A. or New York and get invited to it. New York. Just New York. L.A. in January.

Okay, beautiful, beautiful. And the film is called Atropia, which is based on a fictional country that exists in real life. Yeah. And I like the flag colors, too. Thanks. You didn't really create the flag. I didn't create the flag of Atropia? I don't think so. Which one are you talking about? The one online? Or the one in the movie? The one online. Which one are you talking about? The one, no, because for some reason the art department couldn't clear the one online. So you did actually create it then. So we did make one. Flag stuff is notoriously tough. I uploaded a flag to the chat. You got this tatted on you? This would be a nice tat for you on your upper arm. I don't have any tats. I'm not a loser. No, women shouldn't have tats. Okay, that's all the time we have for you, Hayley. You have lots of men can do stuff because the page, you know, et cetera. We've been given a right to look stupid. I agree. I agree. Great flag. OK, well, thank you. We appreciate you. Thank you so much. I'll tell you about some. She's going to give you the Japan download as soon as we log off. Send me your list. Send me your list. Where are the best pancakes? This is my Osaka. All right. I'm going to go find some oil. Thanks, guys. If you don't bring me back a little vial of oil, you're in fucking trouble. You're allowed up to 2.7 ounces of oil in your carry-on, okay? Don't forget that, Haley. Dump out your skincare and fill it up with some fucking oil, okay? We've got to figure this out. Oh, God. Okay. This is a disaster. Okay. We'll see you on Spotify tomorrow. Bye. Tomorrow? Tomorrow, bitch. This is happening. The first day of the rest of your life. Oh, God. Happy Thanksgiving. Get ready for a bunch of followers you don't want. Okay, bye. I'm going to post a picture of Charles Manson. That's how I like to get them out. Okay. Bye.

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